Red Moon
by elainealexander
Summary: Based on the 'Twilight' series by Stephenie Meyer - My name is Lisa. I was saved & given a second chance at life. All I want is to see my husband and baby again - but that might never happen. I am a vampire, cursed by a red moon. - Please review! -
1. Chapter 1

_A melody composed of the saddest notes flowed from the piano keys underneath my cold fingers. Emotions stronger than any I had ever felt ran over me like water. I would have never imagined that something I had wanted for so long would hurt so badly. But he was here, with me, and he was staying. That would be enough for now.  
_

_All my life I will sing the same song about a red moon.  
_

_Maybe one day he would sing it with me._

1.

I stood in the kitchen of the house I owned with my husband and stared at the pile of dirty dishes that had collected over several days. I groaned and rubbed my swollen belly tenderly.

"Oh baby, I wish these dishes would do themselves," I whispered to the quiet. I had always wondered if a child could hear her mother talking when it was still in the womb. I wanted my baby to know my voice, so I always talked to it. Glancing down, I smiled. "I love you, baby."

I looked about ready to pop and I felt like it, too. I had passed my due date a week ago, but still the baby refused to come. My husband, John, was away on a business trip, leaving me alone, worrying the baby would come when he was gone.

With heavy feet, I slowly walked to the kitchen sink, filling it with hot water and soap. My feet ached as I stood waiting for the sink to fill with hot soapy water. Slowly I began to wash the dishes, one by one, with a sponge in the same round-and-round motion. The warm water helped soothe my worries a little, as did the numbing repeated motions of washing dishes. Finally I rinsed all the dishes of soap and set them on the counter on top a towel to dry. Then, cradling my belly, I slowly moved to the bedroom, tired from doing nothing all day. I removed my maternity jeans and shirt and slipped into an old pair of John's sweat pants and an old college sweater. Slipping under the thick comforter, I was thankful I was not pregnant during the summer. Although we lived in Washington State, where it was mostly wet and rainy, the summer held a few hot days in which being nine months pregnant would not have been comfortable. My sore muscles began to relax as I though about my husband.

I remembered the first time I met John. I was teaching a dance class at the gym and he waltzed into the room. Glancing around, embarrassed, he asked me where the showers were. I smiled and told him. After my class, I walked past the registration desk and Amy, one of the girls who worked there, called my name.

"Lisa!" I turned and smiled at the petite girl.

"Hello, Amy."

She produced a small slip of paper and handed it to me. "A man came up here about an hour ago and asked me to hand this to the girl who taught the dance class." I blushed slightly and took the piece of paper. Written on it in small letters was written, "Thanks to you, I found the showers. Let me repay you with dinner?" and a phone number. I smiled at the piece of paper and then up at Amy, who was glancing curiously at me. "Another adoring fan?" She asked.

I simply nodded and laughed. That had been almost 5 years ago now, and I was still in love with the gorgeous man who had accidentally walked into my dance class that day.

I looked over to the other side of the bed. I could see the bright digital letters of his alarm clock across the bed. I imagined him lying next to me, his warm body fitting with mine like a puzzle piece. I imagined the smell of his slightly bronze skin and the way his brown hair falls. I think about the way he likes to grow his hair longer and the way I always insist he cut it shorter to look more professional for his job. I can hear his soft laugh ringing in my ears and his sweet voice as he jokes with me. Strangely, I miss his long hair now.

Every night I look over at his pillow, even though I know he's not there, I feel a sad disappointment fill me when I actually see his side of the bed empty. But tonight, with a small smile, I tell myself that tomorrow night we will be back in bed with me, his beautiful head lying on the pillow next to mine. I had promised John I would meet him in Port Angeles for dinner tomorrow night, and we'd spend the night at a hotel there.

The baby kicking woke me up in the early morning, dim light shining through the curtains. I glanced at my alarm clock: 6:17. I rolled unto my side and curled up around the baby, pressing my hand to see if it will kick again. I feel a gentle nudge against my hand and smile. "Good morning, baby." I was about to close my eyes to try and catch some more sleep when the baby began to kick furiously. I felt the hunger rumbling in my stomach.

I rolled off the bed slowly, holding my swollen belly gingerly. My back ached already and prayed that the baby would come soon, though today it could stay inside. I pulled on my slippers and walked slowly to the kitchen. My hand pressed to my abdomen, I reached for a bowl and the box of cereal. Peeling a banana, I sliced it into my bowl, adding milk and some leftover strawberries. I walked gingerly to the breakfast table and set down my bowl and a mug of coffee. I eagerly sipped the warm fluid and felt the baby kick in response. "You like that? That's coffee, Mommy's favorite drink." I dug my spoon in and ate slowly, savoring every bite. When I was finished, I glanced at the clock on the oven and saw it was almost 7. I stood up slowly, straightening out my legs, and walked to the bedroom, grabbing the only nice skirt I owned that still fit me and a white maternity shirt. I went into the bathroom, placing my clothes on the chair next to the bathtub and placing a towel on top, where I could easily reach it. I looked through the small closet and discovered a fragrance ball for taking bubble baths and decided that a bath was what I needed to relax me and the baby for the long drive ahead. I filled the tub with warm water and watched the ball fizz. The smell of lavender and warm water wafted up to my nose and inhaled deeply. I slid gingerly into the tub, one hand on my belly and the other on the tub edge. Once I was settled, I closed my eyes. Soft, mellow music flowed from the tiny speakers where I had plugged in my MP3 player.

I washed myself carefully, taking great care when shaving my legs. When I had put on my clothes and drained the tub, I walked into the bedroom and collapsed on the bed, exhausted. I felt the muscles in my back slowly unknot. I took a sip of water from the side table and wished that John were here to give me a massage or rub my head.

"Oh John, you really picked the perfect weekend to go away," I whispered sarcastically. I lifted my shirt over my belly and looked at it. I couldn't see my toes, even when I stretched them out as far as possible. My belly was like a mountain. I rubbed it sweetly, smiling. "Even though it'll hurt, I know I'll be so happy to finally get to hold you."

John and I had decided to keep the baby's gender a surprise, but secretly I felt that it would be a boy. Last month, while John was watching a football game, the baby was kicking constantly. I told John it must be a boy, but he had replied with a smile that maybe it was just a girl who was enthusiastic about football. I had rolled my eyes and sat next to him on the couch, while the baby continued to kick. As he felt my tummy, he had said with a glint in his eyes that maybe perhaps it was a boy.

We had made a list of possible baby names, but had decided to wait to decide on a name until we saw him. With a smile I remembered what John had said to me. "What if the baby comes out and we name him Sam, but when we look at him he looks more like a Matt?" Although my parents had insisted we find out what gender the baby was and tell them what we wanted to name it, we hadn't given in.

Being reminded of my parents, I glanced at the clock. 8:45. My mom would be up now. I picked up the phone and dialed her number from memory. It rang twice before she answered.

"Hello, Allisa!"

"Hi, Mom."

"How are ya, honey?"

"Good, good, except my back feels like I'm carrying a hippo around."

My mother laughed, "Well, that's normal when your baby is as stubborn as it's mother."

"Mom," I groaned, but I laughed along with her.

I could almost see my mom roll her eyes. "Honey, you're like a balloon that's about to get popped. One more day and I swear you'll explode. That baby's coming soon!"

I sighed. "I know, Mom," I said. "But I told him to hold off until at least tomorrow. I just want John to be there."

"I know, baby. But you'll both be home tomorrow. And your dad and I will be down there, too."

I smiled, knowing how excited both my mom and dad were for this baby. It was their first grandchild.

"Honey, you're daddy's itching to talk to you." I heard a shuffle as the phone was passed and then my dad's cheery voice filled my ear. "Hello, my sweetest darling! How are you?"

"Good, Dad." I spared him the details of all the aches and pains that came along with any pregnancy.

"Well, good. Me and your mom are going to leave at 3, so we should be there around 4."

"Thanks, daddy. I'll leave the key in the usual spot."

"You won't be there?" I could hear the disappointment in his voice.

"No, John decided we should stay overnight in Port Angeles. We'll be back early tomorrow."

"Okay, baby," he said. Then he added, "You and this baby mean the world to me."

I smiled. "I know, Dad." He said a goodbye and told me he loved me before handing me back to my mother.

"Hello, darling. Your father seems to have forgotten about you not being home tonight, though I've told him a million and one times."

I shook my head, chuckling. "Well, John will be arriving around 4, so I'm heading out around 2. I've washed the sheets and I'll make your bed before I leave."

"Honey! Don't you dare make that bed by yourself! I'll do it when we get there, just leave the sheets on the bed."

"Alright, Mom."

"Alrighty, good. Now, me and your dad are leaving, so I'll call you when we get to your house."

"Yep. Thanks."

"Of course, sweetheart! Love you! Tell Johnny we said hello."

"I will."

"Goodbye."

"Bye, Mom."

I punched the talk button and dialed John's cell phone number next.

"Hello?"

"Hey, baby!" The sound of his voice was the best thing I could have asked for at this moment. I felt safer, even though he was still many miles away. "How was the trip?"

I could hear the smile in his voice as he told me about the meetings. "How are you?"

"I'm feeling okay."

"Have you been relaxing enough?" John had told me over and over again to stop doing something and sit down if I felt too stressed or tired. He always had a way of making me do what he wanted. I smiled inwardly.

"Yes," I mumbled. "Though a nice massage would be good," I said.

"Well, you know I'll give you one tonight." I could hear the smile in his voice. "And tell that baby to hold off on coming out one more day."

"I did," I replied. I didn't want to have this baby without John there.

"Hopefully the baby is as stubborn as you." I could tell he was smiling.

I laughed. "Yeah, we'll see. My mother seems to think so."

"Well, listen, honey. I'm on way to breakfast with the company CEO's before I head to the airport. I'll call you when I land."

"Okay, baby. I love you!"

"Kisses and hugs! Bye!"

There was a soft click and I placed the phone back on the bedside table.

I mindlessly went through the next few hours, doing laundry and cleaning up a little in the nursery. We had painted it a light yellow, with a place above the crib to hang big letters spelling the baby's name.

I packed a bag with overnight clothes for me and outfits for both us for the trip back home tomorrow. It was time to leave, so I locked up the house, making sure all the lights were off except for the small porch light, and stuck the key under the flowerpot by the side of the house. I unlocked the door of my little Honda and slung the bag plus a jack into the passenger seat. With a slow sigh, I sat down in the driver's seat, resting for a minute. When I opened my eyes again, it had begun to drizzle. I groaned and prayed the rain would hold off until I got to town. I put the car in reverse and set off for Port Angeles, turning on the radio to distract me from the throbbing pain in my back. Finally the sky broke and rain poured down. I turned on the windshield wipers. I was about halfway to Port Angeles now, just having driven through Forks. I rubbed my belly gently with one hand, singing to the baby. I had to squint my eyes to see through the rain, which was coming down in sheets now. The baby began to kick and looked down without thinking, speaking soothingly.

The blaring horn came out of nowhere. When I opened my eyes, all I saw were two giant lights staring at me through the pouring rain. I jerked the wheel to the right to get back into my lane, which was absolutely the wrong thing to do. I slammed on the brakes and my Honda went flying. I screamed in horror. The bright lights were below me now, but they belonged to a semi truck. I wouldn't simply fly over what I thought had been a car.

_Author's Note: Please review and tell me if you hate/love it! Let me know if you would like to read more!_


	2. Chapter 2

2.

I felt nothing. I could hear sirens screaming and people chattering around me, but it was like there was water in my ears. I saw bright, flashing lights everywhere I looked. They hurt my brain so I shut my eyes to the world. I couldn't think, couldn't respond. A fireman was prying my door off, asking me questions. But I couldn't answer. I know he had caught sight of my huge belly when I heard the pause in his flow of questions.

I mumbled something, though I wasn't sure if he had heard me or not, since I could barely hear myself.

Gingerly, hands grabbed me and slowly pulled me out of my squashed car. I couldn't see very well, everything was muddled. I heard someone shout that I was pregnant and a few minutes later, "She's in labor!" Someone said something about the shock causing this.

_No, no, no_, I groaned. _Baby, stay inside where it's safe. Please don't come out now!_

The next thing I saw when I opened my eyes were lights above, flashing rhythmically. I heard people talking around me. The sensation that I was being pushed down a hallway hit me and made me want to vomit. But I couldn't move. I felt warm liquid all over my body, probably mostly blood. What had happened? I couldn't remember anything except for the horn and the bright lights.

"John?" I croaked, my throat parched. My lips were cracked and my mouth was dry. I felt a tear slip out of my eye socket. "John?"

A nurse leaned in to hear me. "Ma'am?"

"John," I said again, focusing all my strength on that one word. "Please."

"I think she wants her husband! Can someone locate a John…" She glanced down at the clipboard in her hand. "A John Freeman!"

I heard a man respond that he would call him. He would be worried! Wasn't he flying in from somewhere? I couldn't remember.

The lights stopped flashing as I reached the ICU. My mind went blank and I lost consciousness when another contraction hit me like a tidal wave. For a minute second, I felt everything in my body that was broken, cut, and bruised. Then there was only blackness.

I felt cold hands probing me, feeling my tummy. "This baby needs to come out," a sweet musical voice sang. Was that my John? "We're going to have to do a C-section, now!"

"John?" I groaned. I saw a beautiful face look down at me. "My name is Dr. Cullen, ma'am. Do you remember anything? You were in a terrible car accident."

I couldn't respond and I know the doctor saw the pain in my face as I tried to speak. "No, don't say anything. You've lost a lot of blood and that baby is desperate to come out. We're going to have to operate. I'm guessing you're already past your due date, so there's nothing to worry about." Dr. Cullen's sweet, melodic voice flowed over me.

"My baby," was all I could manage before drifting back into the darkness.

When I awoke again, it was still. I couldn't feel the weight on my spine anymore, where the baby should have been. I gasped. _Who took my baby?_

A cold hand pressed against my smoldering hot forehead and I though I saw an angel peer down at me. He spoke in the same melodic voice as the doctor had. "Allisa," he spoke my name softly.

My mind raced frantically. The angel called a name and another angel appeared. Suddenly, there was calm and my thoughts slowed. _Am I dead?_

The first angel shook his head. "You're alive." As if he could read my mind… But the calm I felt wouldn't let my mind grasp at the probability.

_Where am I? Where is my baby?_

"You're at the hospital in Forks." He stopped and glanced away, as if looking for the answer to my next question. Finally he looked back at me and replied, "Your baby is resting, safe." I heard a small hesitance in his voice before he said the word, 'safe'. What was that? My baby was hurt?

If the angel could hear my thoughts, he didn't respond to my last one.

_John, where's my John?_

As if he could read my thoughts, the sweet angel answered my question again.

"He's here but we weren't sure if you could handle seeing him. You've been through a lot."

I tried to shake my head. _I want to see John. I want to see him!_

The angel spoke to someone across the room and I saw a tall, dark-haired girl glide out of the room. Soon, my husband appeared. He rushed to my side and grabbed my hand, glancing up at Dr. Cullen, who had slipped in with him. "How is she? Can she hear me?"

Dr. Cullen glanced at the angel, who nodded slightly. Looking back at John, he replied, "Yes, she can hear you, but she's unable to respond. There was a lot of damage to her brain and we fear she may have lost some of her motor skills."

"She can't talk?"

"Yes, but we're not positive if it's temporary or not. We'll run more tests in the morning."

I looked at John. Everything was so confusing and muddled. I couldn't see or hear very well. John grasped my hand. "I'm right here, baby, and I'm not leaving. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left you to go on that trip!" I was confused. What was he talking about? What had the doctor told me had happened to me? Was I in an accident? My mouth opened slightly as I tried to comfort my husband, who was openly weeping now.

But instead, the angel touched my husband's shoulder softly, as if to reassure him. Could he really read my mind or was it written plainly on my face that I wanted more than anything for my husband to not worry about me?

I closed my heavy lids and darkness enclosed me. I heard a constant bleep and felt my heart slow. This was it? What about my baby?

I heard someone yell and a jolt of electricity ran through my body and my heart reacted, coming alive again, beating furiously, as if begging me to fight and stay alive. But the darkness would not let me go. And then there was nothing but the slowing of my heart. I was dying.

This conclusion was confirmed when I heard a dim voice shout, "She's dying! I need another charge!"

I prepared myself for death. I counted the beatings of my heart, until another shock of energy went through me. My heart responded weakly this time. Time dragged by slowly and I felt like I was being moved, though I couldn't think anything past that. Then the sensation of movement was gone and silence lay upon me like a heavy blanket. Then I heard someone murmur. "Should we do it?" The voice sounded familiar. Was it the voice that belonged to the first angel that had been by my bed? The mind reader? He spoke again.

"She'll surely die in a few hours and there's nothing we can do, is there?"

"I don't know, Edward." A sigh. _Edward._

"We need to save her. I have a feeling that she's special."

"Like you and Alice?"

"Gifted?" squeaked another voice.

"Yes," the first voice replied sweetly, quietly.

"Well, I suppose there is no other choice." A pause.

"I'll do it," replied Edward in a tone that said he wouldn't be budged from his decision.

"Wait," said the third voice. It sounded like it belonged to a girl. "What about her husband? The baby?"

There was a pause. Everything was dreadfully silent except for the very faint beat of my heart. "We'll have to lie; tell him that she died."

And then the third voice said very quietly, almost too quiet to hear, "Maybe one day she can tell him the truth."

"And the baby?"

Nobody replied for a while. Then I recognized the voice of Dr. Cullen. "I'm not sure if she'll survive the night."

_So my baby was a girl._ I couldn't think about the rest he'd said about my little girl.

"We should let her hold the baby, then!" This reply belonged to a fifth voice, also a girl. "The best memory I have of my life before is getting to hold Nessie."

I heard another sigh and a small shuffle. And then there was a warmth against my chest. My arms were moved so they crossed under the warmth, and I could feel the shape of a small body.

_Oh, my baby girl!_

I felt the presence of the first angel, hovering over me. "What will you name her?" he asked me sweetly.

And I responded in my head with the first name I could think, not even trying to form the words with my mouth. _Lily. Lily Anne._

I heard a soft chuckle and the angel responded, "Lily Anne, then."

_He could read my mind!_ I was so far removed from myself that the thought didn't seem ridiculous and I felt no need to question it like I would have a couple of hours ago.

And again the angel replied to my thoughts. "Yes."

The warmth was lifted off of me as my baby began to cry. I begged them not to take her away, but no one responded because no sound escaped my lips.

"Ready?", a voice asked some time later.

"Yes." I felt a cold hand against my cheek and someone whispered, "I'm so sorry, Allisa, for this."

And then there was pain, unbearable pain. It pierced the skin just inside my elbow like two sharp needles. My veins were on fire. A stab in my chest and my heart began to burn. I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out. Only in my head was I screaming bloody murder, begging someone to kill me. The most unbearable was perhaps the fact that I couldn't move, couldn't fight against the pain. It spread slowly through my veins, and with each second that passed I was more in pain than before. I kept time with the beating of my heart, which was still pounding weakly, despite the anxiety I felt from the pain. I didn't want to imagine what it would feel like when my whole body was on fire. How long would it take? When would it end? Wasn't dying supposed to be easy?

_Oh God, what is happening to me?_

I had never believed in God, but somehow, in the back of my mind, it was the only thing I could grasp, the only one who, if He existed, I knew could hear me. And so I screamed at the pain and I screamed at God.

When I lost count of how many times my heart had beat, I began to grow frantic. How long would this last? The pain was almost everywhere now. Every now and then I felt a heat on my skin that was a little different than the fire in my veins. It almost felt as if my body was mending itself, like the fire in my veins was healing me. I couldn't think straight, so no objection formed in my mind against this statement. Again I began to count my heartbeats, in a desperate need to cling on to something, anything, that was familiar.


	3. Chapter 3

3.

Could this really be happening? It almost felt as if the pain was subsiding, the fire slowly dying. It left my toes and fingers first, leaving behind the feeling that they were made of stone. I could hear voices again, which was a great relief from the dead silence during the long hours of pain.

"How long?"

"Not very long, maybe a couple of hours now."

"She's doing amazingly well. I'm surprised her heart has held on for this long."

"She's responded a lot like Bella. She's very still and doesn't say anything."

"The accident did a lot of damage to her brain. Her motor skills were handicapped."

Silence.

"The venom will heal that?"

"Yes…I hope. We've never had anyone with brain damage be transformed, so I cannot be sure. But the venom has healed a broken spine, so I am quite positive it can heal the mind as well."

Silence again.

"I hope she's not in too much pain. We got the morphine in her but her heart was so weak that it may not have been distributed as fast."

"By the look on her face, I'd say she is suffering. But in her thoughts she seems to be concentrating mostly on counting the beats of her heart instead of the pain."

"Smart girl."

"Poor girl. She's so beautiful."

"Yes, and from what I heard in her thoughts, she seems very sweet and compassionate."

"Much like you, Esme."

"Yes."

"And she seems to have some sense of style, from what I can tell in my visions," the voice is cheery and bright, hoping to lighten the mood in the room. "Although I'm not sure if it's because of me or not."

Silence again.

"She seems a lot like me," someone finally whispered.

"Yes, Bella. Maybe that's why I felt the need to save her so badly. There was something about her that reminded me of you."

"But you said you thought she was gifted?"

"Yes, but I have no clue what she can do. I just felt it, when I listened to her."

Another voice. "Is she still counting? Has she thought about the pain at all?"

"Just once. She wondered if the pain could really be lessening and she marveled at the way her toes and fingers felt like marble."

"It is almost done then."

Yet another voice replied, "Yes, only about an hour now."

"Good."

There was a slight shuffle as people moved, hushed voices exclaiming. "Nessie, what are you doing in here?"

"I just wanted to see, Mom!"

"No! She's a newborn. If she wakes up and smells your blood, who knows what she'll do!"

"Mom, I'll be fine. I can stand behind Emmett, Jasper, and Dad. They'll protect me."

"She's a newborn! She's much stronger!" It was Edward's voice, tense with worry.

"But there's three of you! You were able to control yourself when you were a newborn, Mom."

"But we don't know if she'll be able to control herself like I did."

"You never know…"

The voices faded like they were leaving the room.

And then there were voices asking how they though I would react, what I would say.

But what was I supposed to react to? Wasn't I in Heaven? Why were these angel voices wondering? Wouldn't I rejoice if I were with them?

The pain was now only in my heart. My whole body felt made of stone. Is that how it felt to be in Heaven? And then, there was absolute silence, because even my heart had stopped. And I felt like a statue, frozen. Should I open my eyes?

I decided I would try. And when I opened them, I was shocked by how clear my vision was. There was no more haze, and when I thought about it, no more ringing in my half-deaf ears. Everything I heard sounded crisp. And then I saw them. Nine angelic faces peered down at me anxiously.

_Where am I?_

My mind started racing as I felt the bed beneath me and saw the bright lamp above me. _Where am I? This can't be Heaven! _

I sat up fast, surprising myself at how smoothly I moved. I expected to feel a rush of blood as it drained from my face, but nothing happened. And then, in one movement, I was off the bed and crouched in the corner of the room, facing the angels, before I could process my reaction mentally. My senses were telling me I was defending myself. And it felt natural to be crouched to the ground like I was. But somewhere in my mind I asked myself, why?

"Hello, Allisa."

I looked around, trying to focus on who spoke. The voice spoke again and I saw it was the first angelic face I had seen at the hospital… how long ago was it now? "I'm Edward."

He took a small cautionary step toward me and I straightened, trying to sink into the wall behind me. Again I wondered where I was. If I was in Heaven, where was God? And Jesus? And wasn't the apostle Paul supposed to lead me through pearly gates? But somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I wasn't in Heaven and I knew I wasn't dead.

The girl I had seen at the hospital with long brown hair stepped forward and put her hand into Edward's. "Bella," she introduced herself. She had the same almost-golden eyes as Edward. I glanced around. In fact, all of them had the same color eyes. Except for the girl who stood behind the big one and the blonde boy. Her eyes watched me warily, almost as if she were afraid of me, her dark brown eyes trying to penetrate my mind. The stance of the two boys in front of her was defensive, as if they expected me to attack.

My head turned as a man caught my attention. He stepped forward, along with a woman. They held hands as the man introduced himself as Carlisle Cullen. I recognized his voice, though the memory was faint. Why could I not remember anything from before clearly?

_He's the doctor who saved me? The one who helped me in the hospital?_

Edward looked at me and nodded. Now that my mind was clear, I began to wonder if the conclusion I had come to on my deathbed was really right. Could it be possible that someone could read my mind? I tried to reason away the idea, but the woman next to Dr. Cullen interrupted my thoughts. "Hello, Allisa. I'm Esme." She smiled a warm smile at me. "You're safe now." She held her arms slightly open as if she wanted to embrace me. I shrunk away.

And then I heard it. I would never have realized that there was absolutely no sound in the room until I heard that single heart beating. My head snapped toward the sound, letting out a low snarl. Everyone instantly stepped in front of the girl with the dark brown eyes, watching me warily, ready to defend the girl.

_What am I doing?_ I scolded myself. But it seemed almost like some unknown natural instinct was begging for… blood.

When it hit me that that was what I wanted, to drink this girl's blood, I was repulsed by myself. I was growling again, but this time at myself. Edward sensed the change in my behavior first, along with a curly-haired, blonde boy. They both stepped forward carefully. Edward reached his hand out as if to touch me, though I was at least five feet away from him. "It's okay," he whispered.

_Someone tell me what's happening to me! _I screamed, hoping that somehow, this Edward could really hear me.

Edward's face became slightly distracted and he frowned, as if he was trying to figure out how to explain this to me, how to answer my question. Finally he sighed softly as he turned towards the people behind him. "She wants to know what is happening to her."

Dr. Cullen spoke, breaking the long silence that had come after Edward's revealing of my thoughts. "Maybe it's best if we just tell her?" I glanced at him.

_Please_, I begged in my mind.

Edward turned back to me. He licked his lips slowly and said finally, "Do you believe in the stories about vampires and werewolves?"

I couldn't comprehend where he was going. I simply nodded, pursing my lips.

"Well, they're not stories." When he saw I didn't understand, he added, "They're real."

_But what does that have to do with me?_

"You're a vampire now, Allisa." He said weakly, as if terrified of the idea. Or was it just the word 'vampire' that made him uncomfortable?

My head began to spin and I could not think straight.

Edward continued to explain. "We knew you were dying and we wanted to give you a second chance at life, whatever kind of life that might be."

Faintly, I remembered the conversation I had overheard while I thought I was dying. I thought it had been a dream, but I realized it wasn't.

"We're all vampires, and each of us, except for Carlisle, were…created… when we were found nearly dead. We save lives, unlike many others of our kind, who simply take them."

My head was still spinning.

"We're the good vampires," A petite girl with short hair whispered.

And then it finally hit me. They way I reacted when I woke, my want for blood; all of it began to click in my mind. I had read novels about these people and afterwards dreamed dreams about them. But never in my wildest imagination had I ever thought… they were real or that I could ever be one of them. I began to cry, though no tears wet my cheeks. I sank to the floor and wailed. My heart broke as I realized I would forever be this foul creature, craving blood. How could they do this to me!

"No, it's not like that. We feed only on animal blood. And we had no choice." Edward's voice trailed off. My sobs continued to erupt from my throat. And then I felt a cold body, pressing me into her chest, hugging me fiercely, and I cried into the soft silk that I assumed was her shirt. Another cold hand touched me lightly on my knee. A feeling popped up in my mind, almost like a thought, and I felt confusion and sympathy. And then the body next to me was sobbing also. We held onto each other.

I heard murmuring around me. "What is she doing?" I heard someone whisper.

Edward responded, confusion making his words sound uncertain. "It's like she's sharing her mood with Alice. And she can feel what Alice is feeling as well."

There was a collected gasp of amazement from everyone around Alice and me. "Amazing!" Dr. Cullen whispered. Even Alice stopped her crying for a few seconds and looked at me in amazement. I saw that she was the petite one with the cropped hair, and I noticed that the cold hand on my knee belonged to the boy with ruffled blondish hair, who had stood beside Alice. He still hand his hand on my knee, kneeling down in front of me, concern etched in his face. I was surprised that I could not only see the concern but feel it like it was my own.

Then tears filled Alice's eyes again. And now I was hugging her, begging her to not hurt for me. She seemed to understand and sniffled. I felt her pain in my head and released her instantly, shocked. "You're strong," she whispered, answering my question of her pain. She sat back, though still holding me in her arms, and looked at me.

"You were right about her, Edward." And I saw everyone nod out of the corner of my eye, agreeing with her.

But the girl with the throbbing heart stood still. She didn't appear to have moved this entire time. I looked at her now and saw everyone tense. The burning in my throat intensified and some natural instinct inside me wanted to leap at her and drink her blood. But I held onto my human side, desperately wanting not to give in to my cannibal ways.

"Allisa," Edward whispered to me in caution, but he stopped when he heard my thoughts. And though almost every cell in my body begged for it, I did not want to harm this beautiful girl. I just wanted to know what she was doing here. I saw her skin, heard her heart, felt the heat flowing off of her, and I knew she wasn't like the rest of them… the rest of us.

Edward took the girl's hand and slowly pulled her forward, though everyone watched me, waiting for me to attack her. Edward must have heard their anxiety in their thoughts. "She's not even thinking about attacking her. She seems to be even more controlled than Bella was. In her mind, she has no longing for blood, though her body craves it. She is refusing to give in to her vampire instincts and holding on to her human ones."

"She's repulsed by blood?" It was the biggest one who spoke. His body was covered in muscle and he stood still, his arms crossed over his chest.

"No, just by the fact that she wants to drink it." Edward answered slowly, amazed.

Dr. Cullen spoke up, "Could it be your venom that gave her and Bella such self-control?" He seemed to be thinking carefully. "Perhaps the self-control you yourself posses, Edward, somehow translates to them?" He continued muttering to himself.

Edward looked back at me. Finally he introduced the brown-eyed beauty.

"This is Renesme. We call her Nessie."

I recalled the name and the argument from earlier popped into my head. I replayed the dim memory in my mind. _So she convinced her parents to let her stay._

Edward cleared his throat before continuing. "She is Bella and I's daughter."

My mind swam with confusion at the thought of this. How was that possible? Everything that was happening was beyond comprehension, but this seemed to top it all off. I felt like I was going mad, and wondered again if I wasn't dreaming or dead. Edward looked at me and just shook his head.

But how was it possible?

"I will explain the details later. All you need to know now is that Bella became pregnant with her when she was still human."

I remembered Alice's comment about me being strong and wondered how a vampire could have sex with a human without hurting her. Again Edward answered my thoughts.

"It was hard and I did hurt her." He broke off, and glanced at Bella lovingly. "But she wanted it," he added, softly.

I could feel the way he felt for Bella. I was amazed. Even more so by the fact that Renesme was a half-breed. As I contemplated this, Dr. Cullen spoke to Edward in a low voice. I saw Edward nod.

"Allisa?"

I looked at Dr. Cullen and nodded slowly.

"During the accident, your brain was damaged. Some of your motor functions seemed to be damaged, along with that of speech."

I simply nodded, trying to comprehend what he was saying.

"Well, we just haven't heard you say anything yet, so I wondered if maybe the venom didn't heal your mind?"

My mouth opened and formed an 'O'. And then I licked my lips and focused on speaking.

"I think,' I began. I stopped and cleared my throat and licked my lips. Both were fiercely dry. "I think I'm fine."

And Dr. Cullen nodded with a smile. "Good. We don't know if the venom healed you or not, but it's good that you are alright."

I nodded again.

Again it was quiet and I became absorbed in my thoughts. I could not shake the feeling that I knew Edward felt when he looked at Bella, the love he had. It reminded me so much of my husband and how I loved him. And with that, I moaned and sank down into myself. Alice's arms were still around me and they tightened as she felt my mood change. With an aching heart, I longed for my husband and baby. But the slow realization that I had lost them, maybe forever, sank in and I hid my face in my hands, wanting to die.


	4. Chapter 4

4.

Hands covered me, trying to comfort me. I let a soft wail escape my lips as my heart broke once again for my husband and child.

_I didn't ask for this!_

"I know," Edward replied in a soft voice. "But maybe one day you can see them again."

I let this sink into my mind. "How?"

"Once you become more controlled over yourself, we can track down your husband."

I looked around at all the faces. They all looked like angels. _Do I look like them_, I wondered._ Pale skin and golden eyes? Strikingly beautiful?_

And for a second I thought I could hear Edward's voice inside my head before he spoke up, but I pushed it aside, telling myself I was only going crazy. "Yes, except for the eyes. Your eyes are red, like all newborns. They'll stay that way for about two or three years, until you become used to our animal diet."

Again, the repulsion I felt by the idea of drinking blood, any blood, and wished more than anything that this burning in my throat would just simply go away. But my mind stayed on my husband and baby girl.

"And what about my baby?"

I noticed the short glance Edward and Dr. Cullen exchanged. Dr. Cullen answered my question this time. "We're not sure how she is. They moved her to a hospital closer to your old home."

I did not want to dwell on the fact that my baby might be hurt. I wanted to know something else.

"What will I tell my husband? Will he even recognize me?"

Alice replied to these questions with a shrug. "Once we get closer to the time when you will see him again, perhaps I can tell you."

I looked at her, confusion written all over my face. "How will you know?" An image flashed before my eyes, and I saw my husband. But the picture was gone before I could think.

Dr. Cullen interrupted me with a remark, though it seemed he spoke mostly to himself. "It's amazing that you are worried about your husband and child. Most newborns want only to drink. You seem to be very controlled, much like Bella was, maybe even more so. It's quite amazing." He looked at Edward, again loosing himself in his thoughts.

I turned back to Alice and asked her my question again.

Alice hesitated before answering. "I'm sure by now you have figured out that Edward can read thoughts." So it was true, then. "Well, I have a different type of gift. I see into the future."

I tried to wrap my mind around this. I gave up when I realized everything about this was just stuff I would have to get used to over time, if I ever did. "Did you see me?"

"No, because I didn't know you yet. My gift is limited in some aspects."

I nodded as if I understood, though I was far from it. "Do any of the others have gifts?" I looked at the faces around me again.

"Yes," Alice answered. "Bella can guard her mind and others from things like Edward's gift." And then she pulled the hand of the boy with the blonde hair and he came to sit next to her. "This is Jasper. I suppose you could call him my boyfriend," she said with a wink. "He can sense people's moods and feelings and alter them. For instance, making you feel calm when you're stressed or happy when you're angry."

"But the feelings aren't real?"

"Well, no, I suppose not. The minute you walk away from Jasper, the feeling fades."

I nod again.

"And that's it?"

Alice seemed hesitant. "And Renesme," she says in a small voice, seeming hesitant to bring up the subject again.

I just nodded, trying to act nonchalant. "What can she do?"

"It's hard to describe. She touches you and shows you something, like a memory. When she was a baby, she used it to communicate and ask for things."

"Huh," was all I could manage.

Edward must have sensed that I was beginning to feel overwhelmed, because he stood and suggested that they discuss more later. He looked at me.

"Are you thirsty?"

I tried to swallow, but the burning in my throat told me to drink something. "Yes. Some water, maybe?"

Edward smiled slightly and the big one chuckled. "I don't think you'll like water."

I knew what I should want, but I could not get over the repulsive feeling. Though every part of my being went into a tizzy at the mention or smell of blood and the burning in my throat became almost unbearable, there was still that tiny voice in the back of my head that begged me not to do it, that was telling me I had become a disgusting creature. "How can I drink it when the thought makes me want to vomit?"

Everyone just stared at me. "That's so…weird," muttered the big one.

I didn't mean to be rude but I wanted to know his name and wondered if I should just ask him. I tried to decide how to phrase it. Edward saved me from having to decide and perhaps humiliate myself.

"I'm sorry. That is Emmett." A blonde girl I hadn't really noticed before stepped up to Emmett's side and looked meaningfully at Edward, seemingly annoyed that he had forgotten her. "And Rosalie, his…wife." A small smile lit up Edward's eyes. I noticed the pause in his voice but decided not to ask about it. I would find out later. If the… stories about vampires living forever were true, I would surely have plenty of time to figure this all out.

Hoping to distract them from another round of questions about my disgust with blood, I spit out a question. "How do you live together? I mean, what do you tell people?"

Esme spoke up. "It's not just what we tell people. Carlisle and I have always seen ourselves as parents. We live as a family."

"But you look so much… younger. If you don't mind my asking, how old are all of you?"

Emmett laughed. "Well, that depends on which age you're referring to."

I raised my eyebrow in question.

"There's the age we were when we were changed, which is what most of us go by among the humans, and then there's how long we've been vampires."

I nodded slowly.

"Carlisle is the oldest among us in vampire, though Esme is the oldest at the human age of 26. Edward, 17, is second in vampire years and Esme third." Emmett looked around. "All the rest of us are about the same age, 18 to 20."

I nodded again, and then realized how stupid I must look, simply nodding all the time. So I said hoarsely, ignoring my dry throat, "Ok."

There was a small pause as I scrambled for another question, but Edward beat me at my game. "Now, let's try and go hunting, shall we?"

I looked at him. It was becoming almost unbearable to wait any longer, because I knew I was dreadfully thirsty, so I decided to give in and at least… try. "I don't know…how."

I was dumbfounded as to what I was supposed to do, how I was supposed to react.

"Don't worry, it should come naturally."

I cringed at the word 'naturally', though I was beginning to realize that this was not something I could run away from. This would be how I was for the rest of my life, for the rest of eternity.

Dr. Cullen looked at me with what seemed almost like pity. "Maybe once you taste the blood, you won't find it so repulsing."

"Ok," I said, mostly to myself.

"Alright," said Alice. "Who'll go with her?"

"Maybe we all should go?" asked Esme. Fear and dread washed over me. What if I messed up? They all would see.

"No, it would be too overwhelming, I think." It was Edward who, again, came to my rescue. "Jasper, Emmett, and I will go."

Alice stood and looked at Edward, almost begging.

"Alice, if you want, you may come along."

"Thank you, Edward!" She smiled a brilliantly white smile and hugged her… brother.

Alice turned to me again and held out her hand. I put my hand in hers and she slowly helped me up. "I must warn you that we move a lot faster than humans. Everything you did as a human was slow compared to us."

"So I can run like the wind?"

Alice nodded, smiling. "And without a single sound."

I smiled at Alice. I liked her.

"Well, let's go, then?"  
And everyone nodded, smiling encouragement at me. Alice squeezed my hand and whispered, "I'll be right beside you. Don't be afraid to ask for help." Then she looked at me and winked. "You'll do amazing."


	5. Chapter 5

5.

Even though Alice had warned me, I was shocked at how easy it was to run. I saw the trees whiz by me as Edward and Emmett led, Alice still holding my hand and running beside me, and Jasper in the back. I heard no sound from underneath any of our feet, though I waited for the snapping of twigs or the crunching of leaves. Alice was still smiling at me, encouraging me on.

I watched Edward and Emmett as they seemed to be scanning to surroundings. Alice told me they were looking for humans. She explained how vampires let their instincts rule while hunting, making it harder to not go after humans when the smell of their blood was near.

"You'll see, once you start, it will be very easy."

"Was it hard for all of you to not drink… human blood at first?" I asked the question reluctantly. Alice smiled at me again.

"Carlisle was the first of our group and he was the one who developed the idea of the 'vegetarian vampire'." I heard Emmett chuckle. "Edward came next, being raised with that idea, along with Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett. Oh, and Bella, though she came much later."

"And what about you and Jasper?"

Alice looked back at Jasper, who was smiling at her. "Jasper and I are the only ones who were not turned by Carlisle. Well, Bella was turned by Edward, but anyways." She seemed distracted for a moment, as if remembering something, then continued. "I met Jasper and we traveled together to meet the Cullens."

"And you stayed with them?"

Alice nodded. "We fell in love with the family." Alice flashed a smile to no one in particular, probably recalling when they had first met the Cullens.

"Although we're vampires, we try to behave in the best way possible." It was Edward who spoke. "We have only turned those who are dying, and as you know, we don't murder humans."

I recalled something that had been mentioned before. "So you met Bella while she was still human?"

Edward smiled warmly. "Yes. And I fell in love with her."

_How interesting_, I though and heard Edward chuckle softly in reply. "But wasn't it hard to not… harm her?"

"Yes, very. And once you get to know Bella, you will find that she is very… demanding at times. When she wants something, she won't give up until she gets it. She wanted a lot of things from me that I was afraid to give her because I knew if I lost control, I could kill her."

"But you said you only turn those who are dying? Why was Bella dying?"

"Since Renesme was half-vampire, half-human, she developed very fast inside Bella, and when she was born," Edward stopped speaking as his voice broke and I thought I detected a shimmer in his eyes as if he were crying. But no tears spilled and he continued in a soft voice, "Bella's spine was broken as Renesme struggled to get out."

All I could manage was an "Oh". My heart ached for the pain I saw in Edward's face. I could only imagine how terrible it must have been.

Edward heard my thoughts and whispered a thank you. "It was the hardest thing in the world."

"But she wanted to be a vampire?"

"Yes, ever since she had met me, she begged for me to change her, though I always refused. I would never take anyone's life from them. She was only seventeen."

I nodded, because I understood.

"She's the only one of us who had time to prepare herself mentally for this life," Alice whispered. Then after a pause, she said a little louder, "A lot of us fared a lot worse than you. You're doing remarkably well." Again she smiled and I recalled Dr. Cullen's musings from before about my control.

I nodded my head in thanks, though I did not really feel it was a compliment. "Does the longing for human blood ever go away?"

"No, but you learn to ignore it. Some people smell better than others, but with years of practice, you can learn to control your instincts."

Jasper spoke up now, and I realized I had nearly forgotten he was there. "Carlisle has worked in hospitals for centuries. He handles everything very well. You would never suspect anything."

"He doesn't find it hard?"

"No. He just wants to help people and he finds comfort in his work."

"Huh."

By now we were very far away from the house. We came upon a little clearing in the woods and stopped. Edward turned to Alice. "You and Jasper stay here while Emmett and I make sure this area is safe." And with that, he and Emmett were gone, running at amazing speeds into the forest around us.

I checked my breathing. "I'm not even tired!" I uttered in amazement, mostly to myself, though of course Alice heard me.

"Nope. You could run for miles and not get tired." Alice winked at me. "Amazing, isn't it?"

I nodded. "Truly. If I live a hundred years, I don't think I'll ever fully comprehend all this."

Alice and Jasper both laughed in clear, melodic tones. "You'll live much longer than that!" said Alice in an excited voice.

I smiled at her. She was fast becoming a good friend and I felt at ease talking to her. I almost told her this but realized Jasper was there, which made me a little embarrassed, though I didn't know why.

We didn't say anything for a moment until Alice asked me in a gentle voice, "Did it hurt very much?"

I looked at her, puzzled. "What?"

"The…process. When Edward changed Bella, he found it helped to inject morphine into the blood first and then put the venom directly into the heart." I recalled the stabbing pain I had felt those first few minutes of my transformation at the hospital. "But Carlisle said your heart was not beating very hard and so the morphine didn't distribute as fast." And then she smiled a little. "Plus Bella said it didn't hurt at all, though I have a feeling she just said that to make Edward worry less."

I closed my eyes and tried to remember what it had felt like. I knew the feeling was beyond description, though quickly realizing Alice had gone through the same thing. "Yes, it was terribly painful. I didn't know what was happening to me, which made it even scarier."

Alice nodded.

I looked at Jasper with a questioning look. "Since Jasper can… change people's moods, can't he be there during the process and make the person feel at ease?"

Alice's eyes opened wide and Jasper frowned, as if wishing he had thought of that. "Maybe," Alice piped up excitedly. "We never thought of that. If Carlisle did he never shared the idea with us."

I was still watching Jasper. "Would it be very horrible, feeling their pain and anxiety?"

He half-shrugged. "I'm not sure. I went through it myself so I know what it's like but maybe knowing someone else was in pain…" He trailed off.

"Hmm," I agreed.

At that moment, Edward and Emmett sprinted back into the clearing and nodded at Alice and Jasper. "All is clear," said Edward, smiling at me. "Are you ready?"

I let out a long sigh, looking up at the heavens as if asking for help. "I suppose," I finally said, looking down and ahead of me.

"You'll do great," Alice whispered encouragingly.

"How should I start?"

Edward walked closer to me and told me to close my eyes. "What do you smell?"

I took a cautionary sniff at the air, waiting for some bad aroma to hit me. But I smelled nothing, except… what was that? Blood, but not human.

"I smell blood, some sort of animal."

"Now listen closely. Can you tell what kind it is?"

I tuned in to the sounds around me and pointed to where the sound of the animals eating was coming from. With a frown I said, "Deer?"

Edward nodded. "Five, one for each of us."

This inspired an idea inside of me. "Can I watch you guys do it first? Maybe then it'll be easier."

"Sure thing," replied Emmett. He looked like a puffed up peacock as he stuck his chest out. Then he winked at me. "The master will show you how it's done."

Jasper and Edward chuckled, while Alice rolled her eyes. "Men," she said under her breath.

Emmett just laughed and walked off toward the direction I had pointed in. Edward and Jasper followed with Alice and I trailing behind. "I'll stay with you so you don't get too scared," she whispered to me.

"Is it scary to watch?" I said with an edge in my voice.

Alice laughed. "I'm not sure. I guess it really just depends on the person. But I think you'll do fine."

"You can see that?"

"Yes."

I felt reassured by this, though I still didn't know what to think of all these 'gifts'. When we got very close to the deer, the boys crouched down to attack. They seemed to be listening, and then, in a flash, they were off. Alice and I followed but stayed a safe enough distance away once they reached the deer. Emmett caught the biggest one and wrestled it to the ground. I winced when he put his mouth to the deer's neck with fangs exposed; there was a sick crunching noise as the neck broke and then a soft gushing sound. I could smell the blood now and I felt myself growing excited. The burning in my throat came back with more intensity. I couldn't stop anymore and so I launched myself at one of the deer who hadn't had time to react. My body slammed into the soft, warm skin and we toppled over each other, rolling in the leaves. I had my arms around its neck as Alice shouted instructions and tips at me. I climbed on top of the deer and pinned it to the ground. And then, for a fraction of a second, I stopped to consider what I was doing. But my instinct took over as, with teeth barred, I aimed my mouth for its throat. As my teeth ripped apart the skin and sunk into the vein, a sweet flavor poured into my mouth and eased my burning. "Ah," I moaned, contended. I drained the deer quickly and then stood, looking for more. I saw that Edward and Jasper had finished and were watching me, while Emmett was sucking dry the fifth deer. Alice clapped her hands as she skipped gracefully to my side. "Oh, you did so well." I barely glanced at her. I had caught the scent of another animal and was already running toward it. Edward followed me and together we found three mountain lions. I leaped onto the biggest one and proceeded much like I had with the deer. Soon the lion was empty of all blood, and as I stood again, I realized that the burning in my throat was almost gone. I mumbled happily to myself, patting my belly. The three others found us and Alice complimented me on my gracefulness. As the frenzied feeling began to leave me, I responded to her.

"I would hope I was graceful. I was a dancer." I smiled at her softly.

"Oh, you dance?" Alice seemed extremely excited by this fact. "Oh, you must teach me!" She skipped around me, clapping her hands. She reminded me of a little girl who had just been told she was going to Disney World.

I laughed and was surprised at how much it sounded like bells. "Of course! I would love to." Then I looked around self-consciously and added with a small voice, "And anyone else who wants to learn, of course."

Alice's head was bobbing up and down, her cropped hair fluttering around. "What styles do you dance in?"

"Anything really. I've done a little of it all, but I was trained in ballet and contemporary."

"Ooh," she whispered in wonder.

Interrupting Alice's little party, Edward asked me if I was full enough. "Yes, I think so."

And so we headed back to the house, Alice chatting eagerly, asking me questions about my dancing.

"Where did you train?"

"In New York City, actually. My grandmother had a friend whose daughter owned a great school there. I got a discounted price."

"When did you start?"

"I've been dancing since I could walk, I suppose, though I started taking lessons when I turned four. My mother was a professional salsa dancer and she insisted on enrolling me in classes as soon as possible."

We chattered on together like that until we reached the house. Jasper and Emmett went on their way while Edward went to find Bella and Alice dragged me to find Esme. She was so excited she could barely speak when we finally found her.

"Esme! You will never believe… Allisa dances… and she'll teach me!"

Esme smiled at me sweetly. While waiting for Alice to calm down, she asked me how the hunting went.

"Good, I suppose. You were right, it did come naturally."

Esme smiled and then glanced at Alice. "What is it now that you were saying, Alice?"

"Oh, Esme!" Alice cried out, grabbing her poor mother's arms. "Can we build a dance studio here? I want Allisa to teach me how to dance!"

Esme laughed. "Well, I suppose that would be fun. We can build it out back near Edward's place."

Alice nodded vigorously. "Yes! Oh, you've just made me the happiest person alive, both of you!" She took my hand and shook it enthusiastically, then skipped off, probably to share the good news with everyone else.

Esme smiled at me again. "I have something for you," she said in a soft voice. Then she took my hand and led me down the hall. "We cleaned out Edward's old room for you and redid it. I hope you'll like it." She looked back at me, "Alice says you'll love it," and winked.

"Well, then I suppose I'll love it," I said, smiling in return. "But where will Edward be staying?"

"We built him and Bella a little cottage in the woods after their marriage."

I smiled at her. And then my head snapped back when I saw something mounted on the wall that surprised me. "What the…?"

Esme stopped to look where I was looking. "Oh, yes. Edward thinks it's ironic."

It was a huge wooden cross that had caught my attention. It hung on the wall before the stairs. "But isn't that how people keep vampires away?"

Esme laughed. "No, that's just a silly myth to reassure people, same as the garlic one. It just smells terrible, but it wouldn't stop a vampire."

"But why do you have it?"

"It belonged to Carlisle's father." She ran her hand along the smooth front of the cross. "He carved it by himself."

"Wow," was all I could manage as I craned my neck to see the top of it. It hung only a few inches off the ground and looked like it nearly touched the ceiling. "How old is it?"

"It was made around the early sixteen-thirties. We're not exactly sure when because Carlisle's memories are…fuzzy."

I looked back at her. "So human memories are unclear for everyone?"

"Yes."

We stood for a few seconds longer, looking up at the cross, until Esme softly tugged at my hand and led me up the stairs to the third floor.

She opened a door at the end of the hall and let me walk in. I let out a small gasp. It was the perfect room for me. The walls were a light green, except for the two walls that were made of glass facing the woods, with bleached wood bookcases against one wall and an entertainment system with a TV and stereo against another. There was an off-white couch with little red flowers sitting in the middle of the room with a yellow throw over it.

"It's perfect!" I turned to look at Esme, thanking her with my eyes. When I turned back to look over the room once more, I noticed something was missing. "There's no bed in here."

Esme laughed softly. "We don't sleep."

I raised my eyebrow as I turned back to look at her. "Don't or can't?"

"Can't." She shrugged. "I suppose there's no need."

I walked to the end of the room where there was a door. I pulled it open and what I saw nearly took my breath away. More clothes than I had ever seen in my life lined the walls of a huge walk-in closet. I looked through the clothes, noticing the brands were all top of the line fashion. I was overwhelmed.

"Alice thought you should be well supplied," Esme said from behind me with a giggle. "She's very insistent that we all look our best at all times."

"I guess that means no more sweatpants for me," I turned to her and winked.

"Well, Bella is defiant and she wears them, though I think it kind of hurts Alice's feelings."

I looked over all the clothes again. "Kind of?" I asked skeptically.

Esme laughed again.

Closing the closet doors behind me, I sat down on the couch and looked around the room, taking everything in. Esme came to sit beside me, taking my hand in both of hers. We sat silent for a long time, both comfortable in each other's presence. She was the closest one to me in age. Finally, she broke the silence. She stood and took a small box down from the bookshelf and placed it in my lap. "Carlisle knew you would want these. He added a few things of his own, I hope you don't mind." She became quite, looking out the window. When she looked back at me, she was smiling like always. "I've been waiting for someone like you, close to my own age, whom I can consider a good friend. I know I've found one in you."

I smiled fully at her. "I'm so glad. I feel the same way."

Then she nodded. "Well, I'll leave you now. You can come find me once you've looked through the box, if you'd like to talk." Something flashed through her eyes and was gone again, but I felt the hesitation when she added, "I lost my baby too." And then she was gone.


	6. Chapter 6

6.

I stared down at the box in my hand and slowly lifted off the top. The first thing I saw was my wallet. I pulled it out and opened it. My credit cards were still there, though I had no use for them now. There was a little bit of cash and on the left side, a picture of John. I pulled it out of the pocket carefully and examined it, recalling every laugh line around his eyes and the dimple in her left cheek when he smiled. I sat in silence for a long time, just looking at that picture. Finally I set it down and took out the other two pictures in my wallet. One was of John and I together at one of my dance performances and the other of my parents and John and I. I held both close to my heart and closed my eyes, letting myself sink into the pain.

When I reopened my eyes, I noticed it had grown darker in the room. I turned on a light and sat back on the couch, picking up the box. Next I lifted up a small jewelry box that I didn't recognize. When I opened it, I almost lost it. Inside was my engagement and wedding ring. I carefully pulled them out of the box and slipped them unto my finger. My heart began to ache for the life I had been taken away from. I held on to the hope that I would one day see my husband again so as not to sink into a depression I would never pull myself out of. I wept silently with no tears, clutching my hands to my chest and fingering the rings. I had loved my husband, truly. I wondered how he was doing and prayed he was holding himself together, that he wasn't hurting like me. "I love you, John," I whispered. I lay absolutely still for the longest time. I covered my hand with my mouth when a loud wail slipped through my lips, horrified that everyone had heard me. I closed my eyes tight, pushing my lips together, and wept bitterly but quietly. If I could cry, which I realized I couldn't, there might be a small ocean collecting under me.

When finally the pain became less intense and the longing dissipated a little, I opened my mouth and took a deep but shaky breath. I sat up slowly and picked up the box. I went through the CD's that had been taken from my car, setting them neatly next to the stereo. The only thing left in the box was a picture. I lifted it up and flipped it over. The face I saw was red, and though I'd never seen her, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt this was my baby girl. I let out a slow sigh.

"Oh, my baby. I'd give anything to just hold you."

I took all four pictures and put them back in the box, along with my wallet and the box that had held my rings. I placed the box back on the bookshelf and stood in front of it, just staring at the wall. Then I shook myself out of the trance and walked out of the room.

As I looked around the hallway, I saw a bathroom to my left and headed towards it. It hadn't crossed my mind until now that I probably looked very different. It was dark in the room so I hit the light switch and the room became bright in an instant. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw there was a mirror to my left. Taking a deep breath, I turned toward it. The air pushed out of my lungs in a rush from the surprise at the face staring back at me. Was that me?

I almost half expected to find my eyes puffy and red, but all I saw was pale white since I had cried no tears. Though I was sure I would look exactly the same if I had cried a whole ocean of tears. What was red, however, were the eyes, staring at me. They were red like bright rubies, set in a perfectly white face. Light blue bruises showed under my eyes. My hair was the same, long, blonde curls, cascading over my shoulders. I pushed my bangs out of my eyes and examined my face more closely. My nose was the same shape and my lips were just as plump as before, but somehow I had gained a sort of stunning beauty during my transformation. The light freckles that had dotted my nose were slightly darker now, in contrast to my pale skin. I pressed my hand to my cheek: solid rock. And then I turned so I could see my profile. I rubbed my belly, which seemed very flat now compared to how big it had been only a few days ago. Again, I longed to hold my child, but I pushed down the feeling, not wanting to sink any deeper into the sadness that threatened to swallow me. Lifting my shirt, I searched for the scar from the C-section, but saw nothing. And then I placed my hands on my cold, naked tummy. I concentrated on the feeling of my stomach rising and falling as I inhaled and exhaled. But then, I one quick movement, I pulled my shirt down and stalked out of the bathroom, turning the lights off as I went.

The week passed uneventfully, as they let me grow accustomed to the differences. I had learned a lot about my new self in these few days, and was still astonished every time I looked in the mirror and saw those unnervingly red eyes watching me from that hauntingly beautiful face. I spent the nights locked in my room, each night telling myself I would be all right, but each night I ended up with an undying ache in my heart and the feeling that a part of me was ripped away.

I was walking down the stairs to the living area. The sun was hanging halfway in the sky, shinning brightly, so I knew it was around 10. I had spent the night in my room, alone, like I always did, but this night had been different. I felt like I was finally beginning to get better, like my heart was giving up on trying to hurt so much. I knew I would always feel the emptiness that made my stomach drop, but some part of me was letting go of the pain and sadness, choosing to enjoy the second chance at life I had been give.

I felt the warm rays bathe my skin, but felt no change in my temperature. I stooped in front of the window and stretched my arms out in front of me, turning them this way and that, watching the way the light flickered off my skin like my hands were two disco balls. I stood like that, lost in thought, for a few minutes, before turning away from the window and walking the rest of the way down the stairs. I saw Carlisle looking around, standing in the middle of the room. The rest of the room was empty. He turned towards me and a smile lit up his face. "Ah, I was just looking for you!"

I smiled at him, pushing my pain aside. "Hello, Dr. Cullen." I said with a smile.

He reached me and put his hand on my shoulder. "Please, call me Carlisle," he said with a smile and I nodded. He hesitated for a few seconds, as if deciding whether he should skip the chitchat or not. He went with the latter. "Are you alright?"

I nodded. "As fine as I can be," I managed with a small smile.

Carlisle saw my pain but decided not to dig further. I thanked him with my slow nod.

He clasped his hands together and smiled curiously. "Well, I've been wondering about this little gift of yours. If you're up to it, I'd like to see if we can do some experimenting."

I laughed in surprise. "Sure?" I said, glad for the distraction.

"If you're sure?"

I nodded, "Yes, I'm good with that." I smiled convincingly.

He nodded and turned on his heels. "Walk with me, please," he said.

I kept up with his pace but stayed a few inches behind him as he talked. We were going back up the stairs towards his study. "Have you been able to feel or share your feelings with anyone else lately?"

I shook my head, though he couldn't see it. "No, only that first day."

Carlisle began stroking his chin thoughtfully. He muttered to himself. We reached the door that led into the big office and went through it silently. I noticed Edward lounging on a chair in front of the big wooden desk, one of his legs dangling off the side. I sat in the chair next to him and smiled. "Hello, Edward."

He nodded. "Hello, Allisa. How are you feeling?"

I shrugged, knowing he would be able to tell how I felt by reading my thoughts. He nodded again, smiling at me sympathetically.

Carlisle had taken a seat in his big black leather chair and was watching us, a slight smile turning up the corners of his mouth. He had both of his elbows on his desk, and he was leaning forward with his chin on top of his clasped hands.

Edward glanced at Carlisle and asked him what I had told him. There was a silent reply as Carlisle communicated by thought. I glanced around the room and for the first time noticed Alice standing to the left of the big desk, smiling brightly at me. I returned the smile. She pranced over to me and positioned herself on the arm of my chair and began absentmindedly twirling my hair with her finger.

I looked back up towards Carlisle and saw that he was done telling Edward everything. "It seems odd," he said, "that you haven't felt anything else. Have you tried?"

I nodded. "I just seem to draw a blank."

Carlisle's left eyebrow raised slightly. "Hmm. Edward?"

I saw Edward shrug out of the corner of my eye. We sat silently for a split second, and I felt Alice's hand slip from my hair and touch my shoulder lightly. A gasp escaped my lips as millions of images began flying past my mind's eyes. They were all blurry and I couldn't concentrate on them, but I recognized all of the Cullens in several of them, along with Jacob and Bella's father.

When I was able to look around, I saw Edward watching me in amazement, a slight 'o' forming on his lips. Carlisle had gotten up and walked to my side and he was watching us all in confusion. "What is it, Alissa?"

I gasped again. "I don't know!" My mind was racing from the images that had flooded my head so suddenly.

"Edward!" I heard Alice squeak behind me in an excited voice. His mouth closed slightly as he nodded in astonishment. "Amazing!" he whispered. He stood up now and reached my side swiftly. And then his cold hand came towards me and he placed it firmly on my arm.

_Oh, this is such a mystery! How exciting!_, I heard Alice's voice, high and excited in my mind.

_What is happening? What did she see? _It was Carlisle's voice. I heard Edward's voice mixed in with the rest, questioning. I sat completely still, unable to move. _Edward?_

_Edward?_, I thought. Why had Carlisle called me Edward?

And why could I read everyone's minds? Slowly, as if I was made of hard putty, I moved my head down. Edward's hand was squeezing my arm tightly. I'm sure, if blood still flowed through me, my hand would be asleep from lack of blood.

"Edward?" I said in a shocked gasp, still staring down at my arm. His hand jerked away from my arm, and just like that, the voices inside my head faded.

I gasped again, jumping out of my seat this time, grabbing my arm. "What?"

Carlisle looked so confused. "What happened?" he demanded.

Edward looked like he was lost in a trance, his mouth hanging open in shock. I looked back at Carlisle. "I could see!" I explained in a gasp. "And hear!"

"See and hear what, Alissa?" He took my hand in his, hoping to calm me down.

"I saw images! And I heard what you were thinking!"

Carlisle looked around. "You saw when Alice touched you?"

I hadn't remembered that Alice's hand had slipped down to touch my shoulder, but I nodded now. "Yes! And when Edward touched my arm, I could read your thoughts!"

Carlisle was shaking his head in fascination, a slow smile spreading across his face. "Amazing! Incredible," he muttered to himself. Then he clapped his hands together and called out Bella and Jasper's names.

They appeared in a matter of seconds. Jasper walked in first, a look of confussion in his eyes as he glanced around the room, and Bella came second, smiling brightly. "Yes," she said, as Jasper took his place next to Alice, who was now standing. Bella moved toward's Edward and grasped his limp hand in hers. She looked from Carlisle to Edward, a startled look crossing her face. "What happened?" she asked, concerned.

Edward shook his hand, looking down at her. "Bella, darling," is all he could manage.

"Carlisle, why did you call us," asked Jasper quietly. Carlisle beckoned him to come towards me. "We're doing a little experiment on Alissa's gift. Please, put your hand on her shoulder."

Jasper moved towards me silently and stretched his hand out slowly to touch me. I felt his feathery touch against my shoulder the same minute a concentrated sense of confusion and concern washed over me. I closed my eyes, concentrating on the emotions. I felt Alice and Carlisle's wonder, and the confusion coming from Edward, Bella, and Jasper. Jasper's emotions were especially easy to read, while the others were more like background noise.

And then, once again, it was gone as Jasper's hand slid away from my body.

"What happened?" he asked, looking around worriedly.

"I could feel what you felt!" I began to explain to him, but Carlisle spoke up. "Bella, please. Come take Alissa's hand in yours."

Bella glanced up at Edward, who nodded, and then moved over towards me, grasping my stiff hand in hers. I felt nothing for a few minutes. I glanced at Carlisle. "I don't feel anything," I whispered. Edward gasped softly.

"What?" we all asked together as we looked at him.

"I can't hear."

I shook my head, not understanding.

"It's like Bella. I can't hear Alissa's thought anymore," he sounded panicked.

Bella unconsciously let go of my hand and stepped towards her husband. But he shook his head. "I can hear her again. Bella, touch her again."

Bella glanced down at her hand, as if she just now realized she wasn't holding mine anymore, and put her hand against my arm. Edward shook his head. "Amazing."

"You can't hear her when Bella touches her," Jasper asked in bewilderment. He still looked dreadfully confused.

I looked at Carlisle. He was lost in thought, his mouth hanging open slightly. He closed his eyes for a second to think, and then snapped them open again. "Bella, why don't you try pushing your shield out around you?"

I glanced over at the beautiful brunette next to me. And suddenly there was a shimmery bubble surrounding me and her. Carlisle frowned slightly. "I said, only you, Bella," he reminded softly.

Bella nodded, looking aghast. "I did. I've only got it around me."

Carlisle raised his hand to indicated that the same wall of glitter surrounded me. He opened his mouth to speak, but changed his mind before muttering out, "How astonishing!"

I reached out my empty hand slowly, mesmerized by the bubble around me. I touched the walls softly, and the bubble moved as I pushed out, always staying a few inches from the edge of my finger. "Wow," I muttered in amazement.

"Carlisle, will you please explain this to me?" Jasper uttered in a exasperation. Carlisle snapped out of his though process and looked towards his son.

"It appears that Alissa can share our gifts whenever someone touches her. When Edward touched her, she heard what Edward heard, which was everyone's thoughts. Alice touched her and she saw the visions that float around inside her head. And it seems like she can share Bella's shield of her mind and body."

Jasper looked at me, smiling. "That's quite a gift you have," he said to me.

I let out a small giggle, before covering my mouth, embarrassed.

"Never have I seen anything like this," Carlisle exclaimed, clapping his hands excitedly.

Edward was smiling at me. He glanced at Carlisle. "Do you think she share two gifts at a time?"

Carlisle shrugged. "Well, why don't we try," he said enthusiastically.

Edward walked over to stand beside Bella, taking my other hand in his. Again, I could hear everyone's thoughts, but one 'voice' surprised me.

It was Bella's soft voice. She was wondering if it was working and who all I could do this with. Edward's face looked like it was about to crack open as a huge smile spread across his lips. I noticed that the shimmery bubble was now also surrounding the tall, slim man who was Bella's husband.

Was I doing that? I wondered.

_It seems so!_ Edward's voice came clearly through my mind, louder than the others. "Bella, I can hear your thoughts," he said.

Bella gasped. "What?" She had been marveling at how handsome he was, and quickly changed her train of thoughts, embarrassed. _Can she hear what I'm thinking_, she wondered as she glanced at me.

I laughed and nodded. "Yes!"

Bella smiled shyly at me. I heard her whisper Edward's name in my head and Edward's reply, flowing with love and enthusiasm.

_Isn't it incredible_,he asked Bella.

Bella nodded. _How does she do it, do you think?_

I glanced at Carlisle for the first time since Edward had grabbed my hand. He was watching us patiently.

I heard him call Edward's name, his voice reverberating inside my mind. Edward broke his gaze with Bella and looked at his father.

I heard Edward start explaining what had just happened in his head a split second before he spoke the exact same words. "It's like Lisa is acting as a sort of link, a go-between. I am inside Bella's bubble and I can hear her thoughts."

"And I can hear yours," Bella said slowly, as if it dawned on her just now. "I can hear Edward's thoughts and everyone else's through Alissa!"

Carlisle was glancing from me to Edward and then to Bella, and back again to me. "It appears your gift, Alissa, is that you can not only see through other people's minds their gifts, but that you can also share it with someone else who touches you." He looked around. "I wonder if it would work with me, since I have no gift."

He stepped forward and took the hand that Bella had been holding. The bubble around Edward and I popped silently. I watched Carlisle's face, reading his thought's through Edward. It was like there was an echo inside my mind as I heard Edward's thoughts through his voice and through Carlisle's who was listening to them as well.

Carlisle dropped my hand slowly. "That was quite a rush!" he said with a soft laugh.

"You could hear our thoughts?" Alice asked excitedly. I had nearly forgotten about her and Jasper. Carlisle nodded, smiling at the petite woman. Then he turned to me. "Well, you surely are incredible! Your gift will come in handy!"

He smiled broadly at me and I returned it. My mind had gone silent a few seconds before as Edward had released my hand, and I was already missing the sound of everyone's voices echoing inside my skull.

But then everyone spoke up at once, speaking in amazed tones to no one in particular. Alice skipped over to me and grabbed my hand. I saw the images appear and she ran through a few that she wanted to share with me. I saw myself in a beautiful field with light green grass up to my knees and then one of Renesme and I, sitting in front of the piano.

And then Carlisle walked towards the door, saying something about sharing this with Esme.


	7. Chapter 7

7.

The next few days went by in a sort of slow blur. Carlisle kept thinking of little activities for me to do so he could further understand my gift. A contractor team was hired to build a dance studio out a little ways from the house, so I was ordered to stay inside most of the time, which was fine by him. Everyone in the house had held my hand, and one day Carlisle had suggested everyone touch me somewhere to see if everyone could share everything through me. But to his disappointment, there had been a sort of static that had rang through everyone's ears. Carlisle concluded that my brain could not process that many gifts and sharing it with that many people.

We went out at night, after the worker's were done, to hunt. Alice had provided me with enough clothes to last me a million years, and when Carlisle was done for the day, she offered to give me makeovers. We spent hours together, talking about my life, or what I remembered of it. She often would touch me and share a vision she had just had. Esme joined us sometimes, sliding into the room quietly and chatting with us. I was surprisingly never bored. When no one was around, I read a book from Dr. Cullen's vast collection or played on Edward's grand piano, singing along to songs from before that I only remembered because of the CD's that had been found in my car.

One day, as I was playing and singing my heart out, knowing no one was near enough to hear me, I stopped suddenly. I felt eyes on the back of my head, watching me. I turned around slowly, afraid to find no one and have to laugh at myself. But I was even more terrified when I saw Renesme watching me. She had come in without my noticing.

"Oh," was all I could manage, embarrassment crawling up and down my spine.

Renesme was smiling softly now. "You sing like an angel. And you play very beautifully, too."

I blushed internally and bit my lip. "Thanks."

She came to sit next to me on the piano bench. She touched a few keys, playing a melody I didn't recognize. "My dad… Edward loves to play."

I smiled. "Do you play?"

Now she was blushing. "No, not really. Dad is teaching me a little, but I seem to be a rather slow learner."

I nodded. "It took me a lot of practice to be able to play through one song well." I smiled encouragingly.

She picked up the music sheets that lay on the stands and flipped through them, picking out a song. "Do you read music?"

I nodded and took the song from her hand, examining it. I groaned sarcastically. "Great. It's in 6/8 timing."

She looked like she was about to apologize so I let out a small laugh to assure her I was kidding. I placed the sheet on the piano stand and started the song. "Will you sing it?"

I saw her nod slightly out of the corner of my eye. Then she opened her mouth and started singing in a smooth, haunting voice. I was so shocked that such a strong voice could come out of such a tiny girl that I almost stopped playing, but I pushed it aside and kept on. When the song was done, I clapped my hands. "Wow. You have an incredible voice!"

She looked down at her hands, fidgeting with them. "Thank you," she mumbled, embarrassed. Then she seemed to get an idea and looked up at me excitedly. "Maybe we could get Dad to write a duet for us!"

I nodded, excited as well. "That would be fun!" I smiled at her fully. She flashed me back a white smile.

I smelled him before I heard him. My head whipped around to see Jacob walk into the room. His dog smell burned my nostrils. I liked Jacob as a person, but he just smelled so bad it was hard to be around him. Bella had told me about that imprinting nonsense. I didn't know how Edward kept from killing the man, but I kept all those thoughts to myself, letting them be happy. Rensesme smiled widely at him. She looked almost like a little schoolgirl, and I had to smile. Wasn't I also the one who had been like that once, falling in love with someone my parents didn't approve of? But my mom and dad had grown to love John, see the person I saw, not the person he was when he went to the bar. I let the memory slowly slip away as I watched Jacob eyeing me. I grumbled mentally. _What is it, dog?_ I was glad he couldn't hear my thoughts. I suppose he was a good person, and he was Bella's best friend, or had been once before she wanted to kill him for falling in love with her daughter. She had told me about how he had tried to convince her over and over again that it wasn't anything he could help, this imprinting thing, that it had just happened, but Bella hadn't believed a word he had spoken.

"He claims that it's all involuntary. Once a werewolf sets his eyes on that one person, there is a bond that is formed which cannot be broken, even if they wanted to, though they wouldn't."

"But Jacob first met Renesme when she was a baby. How did that happen?"

I could hear the change in her voice as she recalled when she'd first found out about what Jacob had done. "He claims that when one of them is that young, it is more of a brotherly love, where they love them and want to protect them. Once the object of that brotherly affection grows up, they become like lovers." She paused and then added with a sad note to her voice, "I was so angry when I found out, I nearly ripped his throat out."

"But Jacob is still a lot older than her. How old was he when she met him?"

"Technically, he was the same age. Werewolves never age until they give up their other 'self'. So Jacob is exactly the same age as Renesme in that respect."

I suppose I knew what she felt like, because I could imagine it happening to my daughter, but I didn't tell her that. I didn't want to dwell on the complications of Jacob and Renesme's relationship. Bella and Jacob got along better now, unless it was just an act for Renesme, but I could still feel the way she held back from him, though he tried in vain to salvage the friendship they'd lost.

I thought all this in the time it took Jacob to blink three times. I smiled at him pensively and he smiled back fully. Yes, he was a nice guy, but he still smelled like wet dog.

Renesme looked back at me. "You're like an aunt to me, I suppose," she whispered very softly. "I think it's very awesome that I have a cool aunt." Then she squeezed my hand with a smile and got up gracefully, calling another thank you to me. She took Jacob's big wolf hand in hers and they walked out the door together, laughing. My heart warmed because of what she'd said to me before leaving, and I turned back to the piano, smiling to myself.

A few days later, everyone, except for Carlisle, was downstairs, some watching TV idly, others chatting. I noticed Rosalie sitting in the corner, flipping through a magazine. I walked to her slowly, setting myself on the couch next to her. I didn't speak for a moment, though I knew she was aware of my presence.

Then I turned to her, smiling shyly. "Hello," I whispered, almost afraid to say anything. She was stunningly beautiful, with a sort of fierce beauty. She had her long blonde locks pulled back into a pony. She smiled at me slightly, seemingly wary, probably wondering what I wanted to talk to her about. I wasn't really sure, I just knew I wanted to get to know everyone. "Rosalie, right?" I knew her name but I wanted to somehow get the conversation going.

She seemed to sense this and laughed under her breath. "Yes, that's me."

I nodded, wondering what to say next. She spoke before I could think of anything.

"I'm sorry about everything." She seemed sincere.

I shrugged, trying to act like it wasn't so bad, praying my eyes didn't reveal how much it hurt me.

She put her hand on my shoulder lightly and whispered, "One day, I'll help you find them."

I smiled and nodded. "Thank you," I whispered, trying to control my voice. My eyes began to burn with ears I could not cry. I had promised myself to never reveal my pain to these dear people. They had, after all, saved my life, given me a second chance and maybe one day, I would see John again.

I laughed then, to shake off the sad feelings, and asked her lightly, "So, you and Emmett, huh?"

"Yup," she said with a slight nod.

"You're married?"

She was watching the back of Emmett's head with a smile. "Depends. Every few years, once we've been in a town for a while, we hold a new marriage ceremony. The rest of the time, we're just high school sweethearts."

"How did you and Emmett meet?"

She smiled, looking at me now. "He'd never admit to it, but I saved his life. He was being mauled to death by bears when I found him. I dragged him back here and begged Carlisle to save him." She shrugged. "There was just something about him that made me want to save him."

I nodded. After a minute of silence, Rosalie's face changed and become harder, the smile gone. She whispered to me, looking in my eyes and begging for the truth. "If you had a choice about this, would you have wanted to die? Or would you have chosen this life?"

I watched her face, but it never changed. I looked away, pretending to watch the TV. "I don't know," I said, barely audible. "If I had died that night, maybe I'd never get to see my husband again."

She pulled back and crossed her arms. "What about your baby?"

I hadn't wanted to discuss this with anyone so soon. I glanced around the room, wondering if anyone was listening to us. "I don't know, Rosalie," I said, a little louder than I'd intended. I let out a slow sigh. "I don't even know if she's alive or not." I looked at her again. Her face hadn't changed at all.

"But don't you want to hope that she is?"

"I don't know," I said again. "I don't want to give myself a false hope just so I'll feel better for now. Because when I find my husband and see her grave or…" my voice catches and I stop talking. I close my eyes and tell myself to calm down. "It would be worse then, having tried to believe for so long that she was alive."

"But you want her to be alive?"

I looked at Rosalie, begging her to understand. "More than anything in the world."

Rosalie nodded, as if telling me she understood. I looked down at my hands, trying to concentrate on anything that would keep me from dwelling on my daughter. "I love her, though I've never really seen her. I feel her in me, like she's part of me. That part of me will never die."

Rosalie squeezed my hand. She felt my discomfort and got up, breaking off the conversation and saving me from having to figure out how to end it without ending up a hysterical mess. When I looked around, I noticed Bella watching me intently. Her face didn't change when I spotted her. Edward said something to her, and she broke off her stare to glance at him. She looked back at me one time, gave me a soft smile, and then returned her attention to what she had been doing before.

I stood up slowly and made my way up the stairs, hoping to find Carlisle somewhere. He seemed to hear me coming, for he called to me from behind a closed door to come in. I cracked open the door and peeped into what looked like a large office. He sat there, behind a big mahogany desk, looking over some papers. I stepped into the room cautiously, closing the door silently behind me.

"I hope I'm not disturbing…"

"No, no. Sit down." He smiled warmly at me, holding his arm out to indicate where I could sit. I set myself down in the red leather chair, looking around the room at all the books. On the wall behind me were hundreds of pictures, some in color and others black and white. I looked at him and wondered where to begin. I had so many questions for him.

"I assume you have some questions for me, Allisa?"

"Well, yes. And I prefer Lisa actually," I said with a shy smile.

"Well, then Lisa. You can ask me anything, I hope you know that."

I nodded as I tried to think of what to ask first. I wanted to ask if there was even a chance I'd ever get to see my husband again, but I didn't want to sound ungrateful for everything the Cullens had done for me. So I asked a safer question first.

"How long will I have these red eyes?"

Carlisle smiled. "Bella was worried about that, too. I'm finding you too are very similar. Have you talked with her yet?"

"No, not really."

He didn't say anything, just nodded. "As for your question, it lasts about 2 to 3 years. That's also when the strength starts to become more normal and your instincts more controlled, though yours are very controlled to begin with."

"What will you tell people when I am able to go out? Renesme mentioned that I was like an aunt to her."

"Well, that does seem like a good explanation. I suppose we could say you are my sister, since you and I both have the blonde hair." He winked at me, a smile on his face. "Since Renesme seems a lot older because she grew up so fast, we don't tell anyone she is Edward and Bella's daughter. We tell everyone in Forks she is a cousin of Bella's, which we suppose explains the similarities between the two. When we go somewhere else, we tell people she is Bella's sister."

"And I understand you say that you adopted everyone?"

"Yes, because Esme and I obviously do not look old enough to have 17 year-old children."

I thought about this for a moment, and then went back to something he had said before. "Renesme, how old is she?"

"Well, she was born only about 12 years ago, though she has grown into a 17 year-old."

"How is that possible?"

"We've had only one other case of this ever in our kind's history. They're half-breeds, half-vampire, half-human. They grow very fast, but once they hit 17, they stop growing and become like vampires, never growing older."

"I remember Edward told me that Renesme grew fast when Bella was pregnant with her."

"Yes, she was pregnant for only a month or so."

We were silent for a long time after that, while I contemplated this.

Carlisle broke the silence. "Is there anything else?"

I nodded. "So you never age?"

"No, none of us have aged a day since we've been turned."

"So how do you stay in the same place?"

"We don't. We move around every 5 years or so, before people start to get suspicious."

"So where have you all been?"

"We've spent many years here, in Forks, because it has great weather for us and it's small. We live in places where it's cold and rainy and the sun doesn't shine much."

I remembered a part of the myth about vampires, where they were burned when the sun hit them. "The sun? Does it burn you?"

Carlisle laughed. "No, that's just a story made up by humans. Though it is dangerous for us to go outside in the sun when there are humans around. I suppose you could say our skin sparkles in the sunshine."

"Sparkles?"

"Yes. Imagine billions of tiny diamonds stuck to your skin, and that's kind of what we look like."

"Wow."

"Yes, it's really something."

Again, there was silence.

Then I asked him, "Could you tell me your story?"

He nodded. "I was kind of waiting for that."

I smiled shyly, as if I'd been caught in a lie.

"Have you seen the cross at the end of the hall?"

I nodded, recalling what Esme had told me about it. "She told me your father carved it around the…" I had forgotten when she had said.

"The sixteen-thirties," he filled in for me.

"Yeah."

"Yes, my father made it. He was the pastor of an Anglican church in London, and the cross hung above his pulpit. He was a strong believer in the reality of evil and he led many hunts for witches, werewolves… vampires."

"How ironic that his son should become one." I saw the sadness in his eyes. "I'm sorry," I mumbled, wishing I hadn't said anything.

"No, you're right." He paused for a minute, seemingly reflecting on something, before resuming his story. "I followed in his footsteps, leading some hunts. The ones he was really after wouldn't be so easy to find. A lot of innocent people were killed." There was such a broken sadness in his voice that I almost wanted to cry. "I was a disappointment to my father when he asked me in his old age to take over the hunts completely for him. I didn't want to blame anyone. I looked into people's eyes and saw nothing wrong with them, though my father would have burned them. But I was persistent, wanting to please my father. I actually discovered a coven of real vampires. They had lived in the city for centuries, hiding in the sewers. They only came out at night to hunt, which allowed them to live so long there, unbeknownst to the humans. We went to where I had seen them come out before and waited with pitchforks and torches, until one appeared. He was very old as far as these things go and he spoke to his clan in Latin when he smelled our blood boiling in our veins. He ran away through the streets and I set chase after him, along with some others. He could have easily outrun me, through I was young, only twenty-three, and fast. But he was probably very hungry. He turned suddenly and attacked us, going for me first. He bit me, but was distracted from the kill when the others came after him. I was left there to die, because two of the men who had followed me were dead, the third one carried off by the vampire." He took a deep breath before continuing. "I knew what my father would do if he found out I had been bitten by a vampire, the very thing he sought to destroy. So I hid in a cellar, away from the alley, and buried myself in rotting potatoes during the three days of my transformation. I don't know how I did it, but somehow I managed to keep still, not crying out when the pain became unbearable. When I awoke on the third day, I knew what I was. I knew with all my heart I didn't want to be like this, so I tried rebelling against my nature. I wanted to kill myself and jumped off of great heights and tried to drown myself in the ocean to do so. But never was there even a scratch on me. It's very hard for a vampire to be killed by anyone, especially themselves." He paused and looked at me. "Is this making you uncomfortable? Should I stop now?"

"No, no! Please continue!" I was completely engrossed into his story.

He nodded and continued. "I'm not sure how I did it, because it's really nearly impossible, but I didn't give in to my want for blood."

"You never…ate?"

She shook his head. "No. I thought maybe I could kill myself by starving. And like you were, I was very repulsed by what I had become, my new nature. But I grew very week and hungry. I went as far away from humans as I possibly could, because I knew my resolve was fading away. I wandered for months, absolutely loathing myself. And then one night, there was a herd of deer that passed very close to where I was hiding. I was so famished that I didn't think twice before attacking. My strength came back to me and my hunger faded, and I suddenly realized I didn't have to the vile creature I thought I was. If I could survive off of animal blood, surely I wasn't such a monster? Humans ate meat. So over the next few months, this philosophy that we all live by here was birthed inside my head. I swam to France, across the English Channel, and began to study. I was always eager to learn and my father had always complimented on my intelligence. I studied at night, going through all the universities in Europe. I studied science, music, and medicine. That's where I found my redeeming light, if you will. I could save lives instead of take them by being a doctor. But it was a long struggle to perfect my self-control. It wouldn't do any good to loose my control while trying to save a patient." I shook my head. "I am all but immune to human blood now, so I can do what I love without being in pain. I find peace there, at the hospital, helping others." He let out a happy sigh.

"I suppose that's sort of ironic too. A vampire being the happiest in a place with probably the most human blood at any time." He nodded.

"Anyways, after going through Europe, I went to Italy to study when I discovered the Volturi."

"The… who?"

"Volturi. I suppose you could call them our kind's rulers. They have lived in Italy for many thousands of years." He stood and led me to the wall with all the pictures. He pointed out a large painting. It was a group of men, standing on a balcony, watching the mayhem below. I recognized Carlisle among them, which shocked me. "You were royalty once?"

Carlisle laughed quietly. "I suppose you could say that. The other three are Aro, Marcus, and Caius." He pointed to each face as he said their name. "I stayed with them only for a few decades. I admired them for their civility and refinement, but was at odds with them about my 'vegetarian' diet. They constantly tried to convince me to feast on humans, and I tried to persuade them as well. It was then that I decided to try the New World. I wanted to find other vampires who lived like me. I was lonely." He stopped and looked over the pictures slowly. "That was when I found Edward. He was dying of Spanish influenza and his mother begged me to save him when she found out what I was. I rationalized that I wasn't taking anything away from him since he was already dying."

I smiled at him. "I think it's very…nice, what you do. It's sort of heroic if you think about it."

He shook his head. "Some of us would disagree with that. They think this life is hell."

"Rosalie?" I asked cautiously.

"Yes, and Edward did, too, for a time. Until he found Bella, of course."

"But Rosalie has Emmett."

Carlisle nodded, replying reluctantly. "Yes, but there are things that she wants, has always wanted that she cannot have now."

"Like what, if I may ask."

Carlisle looked at me. It was as if he was trying to reassure himself that I was ready to hear his answer. He apparently did, because he replied slowly, "A child."

I looked down at the floor, sad for Rosalie. I knew that carrying a child was one of the most fulfilling things for a woman. Now I understood why she had asked me so earnestly about my little Lily. When I looked back at Carlisle, I saw him watching me. "Are you alright?"

I nodded. "It's just that I feel so sad for her."

Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder gently.

There was a long silence, which I finally interrupted when I looked back up at Carlisle. "You have a very interesting history."

"Yes, I suppose so."

"I know it may not seem like the right response, especially coming from me, but I want to thank you for saving me."

Carlisle smiled. "Well, I suppose it was my pleasure, then."

I smiled, looking back at the pictures. "Can I ask you something? I don't want to sound ungrateful."

"Of course. You can ask me anything and I will never take offense."

"Do you think," I stopped and closed my eyes, trying to hold on to my control. "Do you think I'll ever be able to see my husband again?"

Carlisle didn't speak for a long time. I listened to the sound of the voices downstairs, the sound of laughter, trying not to concentrate on the pain that was threatening to overpower me. When Carlisle finally spoke, his voice was almost inaudible. "I don't know, Lisa. It was be at least three years, because we'll need to make sure you can handle being around humans. And of course we'll need to wait for your eyes to turn gold like ours." He looked at me, thinking. "I suppose, one day it could be possible. You could not tell him anything, unless you decide you want to change him, but I don't know how you would explain the way you look to him. It's very obvious that your skin is paler and your eyes will be a different color, of course." He stopped talking, studying my expression.

"Maybe if I could just… see him, from far away," my voice broke and I hid my face in my hands. Carlisle spoke a name under his voice and suddenly Esme was there, comforting me.

"We will do everything we can, Lisa. But I cannot promise you anything and I'm terribly sorry for that."

I nodded, feeling the rub of Esme's shirt against my cheek. I looked up at Carlisle and Esme. "Thank you. That would mean the world to me, if you would at least try."

Esme nodded. "Of course, darling."

I pulled myself together and thanked them both again. "You're very wonderful people. I'm very blessed to be able to know you." Esme squeezed my hand, smiling at me, and Carlisle nodded, smiling also.


	8. Chapter 8

8.

Around the middle of my second year, they introduced me to Jacob's clan.

We went down to the La Push beach for a campfire and night of telling stories. When we got there, the fire was already lit and all the members of both Sam and Jacob's packs were there, along with Jacob's father and another leader that I did not know. I sat in between Bella and Esme on a whitewashed tree trunk, which had been washed in from the sea. The evening began slowly as introductions were made between the members of the packs and I. We talked for about an hour, keeping everything casual.

The silence fell over our little gathering suddenly. I could tell the storytelling was about to begin. It was Jacob's father, Billy Black, who spoke. I watched as the dancing flames cast shadows on his ancient face.

"Taha Aki was the last of the Great Spirit cheifs of our kind. He was a man of peace and was known for his wisdom. But there was one man named Utlapa who believed that they should use their magic to expand their control over the neighboring tribes and build themselves an empire. When the spirit warriors left their bodies, their minds were all connected with each other. When Taha Aki heard what Utlapa wanted, he banned him from the tribe. Utlapa left and hid in the nearby forest, unbeknownst to Taha Aki.  
"Every so often, the Spirit Chief would leave the village to go to a sacred and secret place in the mountains. He would leave his body behind and search the surrounding areas for any dangers or threats to his people. One day, Utlapa followed Taha Aki on his way to his special place, planning to kill him. Utlapa left his body after Taha Aki did and when Utlapa joined him in the spirit world, Taha Aki knew immediately what was happening. Utlapa took Taha Aki's body and killed his own. Taha Aki followed his body in his spirit self down the mountain to the tribe. For weeks, he watched with despair as Utlapa made sure everyone believed he was Taha Aki. And then Utlapa's first edict came: no warrior was to enter the spirit world because he had a vision of danger. Of course, in truth, he was afraid that someone would discover his secret while in the spirit world, where Taha Aki was waiting to tell someone what had happened.  
"Taha Aki could not stand by anymore. He brought a great wolf down from the mountains to kill Utlapa and free the tribe, but Utlapa hid from it behind his warriors, knowing it was Taha Aki who had sent the animal." There was a pause as Billy readjusted himself in his wheelchair. He took a sip of water before continuing his story.  
"Taha Aki had been away from his body long enough to be in agony. He felt doomed of never being able to cross the line between life and death. The great wolf followed him through the forest and Taha Aki felt jealous of the animal. And at that moment, the Spirit Chief had an idea that would forever change the future of the Quileute people. He asked the animal if he could share his body with him and the wolf complied. As a single being, the wolf and the man went to the village.  
"An old warrior, Yut, disobeyed the orders of the false chief and left his body, joining the spirit world with Taha Aki. Yut gathered the truth in an instant and welcomed Taha Aki back. Almost instantly, Utlapa realized what had happened and raced towards Yut's body with his knife. Yut went back into his body in time, but was too old to fight Utlapa off before warning the others. Taha Aki watched as Yut's spirit left the world and he returned to the wolf's body, feeling a great rage. The wolf shuddered and transformed into a man before the eyes of the warriors. The man did not look like Taha Aki's old body, but like his spirit self, which the warriors recognized instantly. Utlapa tried to run but Taha Aki had the strength of the wolf and killed him.  
When everyone realized what had happened, everything returned to normal. From the on, Taha Aki was known as the Great Wolf or the Spirit Man. He led the tribe for many years because he did not age. He fathered many sons, who in time found that they too could turn into wolves on reaching manhood. They were all different because the wolf form reflected the spirit of the man. Some became warriors like Taha Aki and did not age, while others did not like to transform, and therefore started to age."  
They told me other legends about their kind also, filling me in on their unique relationship with the Cullens.

"Our kind is the sworn mortal enemy of 'the cold ones', the vampires." It was Sam Uley who spoke, the Alpha of the other wolf pack. "The only reason we allow the Cullens to live near us because of their unique diet. They have proven to us over the years their persistence to not harming humans, and so we formed a treaty with them, allowing them to live in our area, as long as they did not harm a human or come onto our land."

Jacob glanced at Renesme, who was of course sitting by his side. "Bella was the first one to pull us together. Our worlds had to coexist because Edward was her love and I, her best friend. Nessie was the one who pulled us to form a sort of friendship. There is a law between our people that says that no wolf can ever harm the object of another wolf's imprint. It is one of the worst sins of our kind, because we would never be able to forget or forgive."

I spoke up, looking at Jacob. I was remembering what Bella had told me about imprinting. "Can you explain this imprinting thing to me?"  
Jacob nodded. "Our kind imprints on the person he's bound to the moment he sees her. Some describe it as being pulled toward that person; the connection with everything else is severed, and only the imprintee matters, leaving us with a deep need to provide the imprintee with anything she needs or wants." He glanced quickly at Bella, too quickly. "Imprinting can't be forced on anyone, no matter how much the shapeshifter may want it, and there is no way to stop it once it's happened. It is an undescribable attraction that comes without warning which cannot be broken."

"Is it hard to be away from one another?" I asked both Renesme and Jacob.

Renesme spoke up in her soft, clear voice. "We could not go one day without being in contact with each other. We've never tried, but we think the separation involved would cause us both great pain."

"But what would happen if a wolf was rejected by his imprintee?"

Jacob shrugged. "Not sure. It's assumed to be almost impossible, since they are a "perfect match" for each other. Plus, he would be anything she may want or need, making rejection extremely unlikely."

"And how long will you two be together, than?"

"Well, once a shapeshifter imprints, he's able spend the rest of his life aging alongside his love, once he's able to quit phasing, that is. But in our case, since Renesme is immortal, I can live with her as long as I phase every so often."

"Amazing," I muttered, mostly to myself.

The night wore on, others in the tribe sharing stories and telling jokes. The fire died out slowly, and that was when we said our goodbyes.


	9. Chapter 9

9.

The years passed slowly for me.

When I looked in the mirror now, I saw no more red eyes. They had turned the same beautiful gold color as everyone else's.

Alice was becoming a great dancer, asking me to teach her everything I knew, and I was also helping Renesme with piano. We wrote many songs together with Edward, which everyone insisted we record and put on a CD. I used my gift regularly each day and was becoming used the different sensations of hearing thoughts or feelings emotions. Esme and I became as close as sisters, sharing everything with each other.

One day, I had gathered up enough courage to ask her what she had meant that first day when she said she had lost her baby too. I didn't want to hurt her by having her dredge up old memories.

But she seemed pleased that I had asked. She patted the empty spot next to her on the couch and I sat.

"It's been so long ago, and I've tried to put most of it behind me, though certain things still haunt me, especially having to watch my child die in my arms."

I felt her pain, even without Jasper's help, because it was the same as my own. "I'm so sorry," I whispered to her.

She looked away, recalling what had happened to her. "I was born in 1895 in Columbus, Ohio. This is where I first met Carlisle. At the age of 16, he treated me after I broke my leg when climbing a tree."

"Did you know what he was?"

She shook her head. "No, he was much older than me, so I never thought twice about him. Though I did think he was very handsome," she said with a wink.

She grew silent. "I married a man named Charles Evenson." Her voice broke softly as she said quietly, "I was abused by him."

My heart began to ache for her. There was a pause as Esme collected herself, pulling away from the painful memories. "After finding out I was pregnant, I ran away from him and gave birth to a son." Again she paused and I squeezed her hand comfortingly. "He died a few days later. I was so grief-stricken by his death, I attempted to kill myself by jumping off a cliff.

"I was presumed dead when they found me, so I was taken to a morgue. Carlisle remembered me, of course, from treating me all those years before. He was able to sense my heartbeat and transformed me into a vampire." She looked at me, a smile warming her face. "I fell in love with him and we were married soon after.

"I've never regretted him saving my life, because I finally found the true family I've always wanted. I love my adoptive children as much as I did my own son."

"But don't you wish you could have your own?"

She looked at me and nodded slowly. "Yes. I still grieve the fact that I am unable to bear children. But like I said, my family now has been a great blessing to me, more than I could have ever asked for, in fact. I wouldn't give it up for the world." And she smiled fully at me.

"Thank you for letting me into your family," I whispered, overwhelmed by how much it meant that they had adopted me into their closely-knit group.

"Of course. You mean the world to me, as well. You're like the sister I never had but always wanted. I will always be grateful to Edward for seeing what he saw in you and insisting you be saved." She hugged me tightly.  
Everyone else seemed just pleased to have me around as well. I had heard everyone's stories now, from each person individually, and had become accustomed to all the differences between being human and a vampire.  
And slowly the Cullens were letting me come into closer contact with humans, taking me out for a drive every now and then. They decided to all take turns, Alice begging to go first, of course, and Esme took me second. Bella asked me if she could go third.  
"Sure, Bella," I smiled at her. I hadn't had that much chance to get to talk to her alone, besides the day when she told me her story. She was often out visiting her father or Jacob with Renesme, or alone with Edward.

I knew she had her own car, but she led me to Edward's Volvo. When I asked her why, she replied with a shrug. "Mine is too… obnoxious for a small town like this. And I like the Volvo better anyways, more roomy." I saw something in her eyes as she glanced at me.

"You don't really like nice cars, do you," I said with a small laugh. Bella made a face of disgust and I giggled into my hand.

We climbed into the car without a sound and she pulled carefully out of the garage and rode down the long, winding driveway in silence. I had been excited about this trip, but now I seemed at a loss as to what to say. But she spoke up first.

"I'm sorry I never participated in your dance lessons," she glanced at me with an apologetic smile. "It's just that I'm not really the most balanced person, even for a vampire."

I had to smile now. "Edward told me about a lot of your accidents."

Bella laughed. "Edward was always so worried about me, always telling me to be careful and reminding me I was fragile."

There was silence for a few minutes, before I thought of something I'd always wanted to ask her. "So, can you tell me about this gift of yours? I've felt it, of course, but I still don't really understand how it works. Alice and Edward both tried to explain it me, but I think you could tell me best how it works."

Bella nodded, thinking. "Well, I suppose it's sort of like a force field for my mind. It's why Edward can't read my thoughts. As I played with it and practiced, I could push it out and protect people around me, but you know that."

I nodded. "And you can push it away from your mind, too?"

"Yes, Edward was extremely excited about that part. He gets extremely frustrated when he can't see what people are thinking and I had him stumped for three years."

"Do you do it a lot?"

Bella looked at me, a playful smile on her lips. "Every now and then when I want to please him," she said with a wink. "He's gotten very good at catching me without knowing now, through you. Whenever he sees that I'm touching you in any way, even if I'm just sitting next to you, he'll come over and sit on the other side of you."

I laughed. "I've noticed."

We continued talking about different things until we were about halfway to Seattle. We were stopped at a red light and I was in the middle of a sentence when I cut-off and snapped my head to look out the side-window. I could feel Bella watching the back of my head, but she didn't say anything.

Didn't I recognize that car? It was the same color and the same make as the one John had owned since I'd met him. The driver had his head turned away, but he had the same color hair as John, though this man's hair was cut shorter. I waited impatiently for the man to turn his head, practically jumping out of my seat. And then finally the man turned his head to look at me and my heart sunk to the bottom of my chest. I shook my head sadly and turned to look at my hands while the man in the car was staring at me.

And that wasn't the only time it happened. It seemed every time I went out in those first few weeks of liberation, I saw John everywhere. Every time, my heart fell as the man turned to look at me and I realized it was not my precious John. But the hope inside me could not be diminished, and so I continued to search everywhere, looking for that one face in a million.

For the celebration of my third year, Alice wanted to take me shopping in Port Angeles. Carlisle assured me there was no harm in this. I had maintained a lot of self-control over the past three years. But first, they insisted on me opening my presents. I had made it very clear that I didn't want anything, though I had told Esme that the only thing I really wanted was to see my husband.

But of course, no one had listened to my insistence upon no presents. Apparently, they had been through this before with Bella, who had always despised the celebration of her birthday and any sign of presents. Everyone had bought me something, even Carlisle and Esme. Alice's gift was the shopping spree, so I looked around at everyone else and asked whose I should open first. Renesme stepped forward and placed a wrapped package in my hand, her fingers touching my palm slightly, and I saw her in my mind, thanking me.

When I opened it, I nearly cried. Inside was a stack of music books, all from my favorite artists. I thanked her enthusiastically. "It's perfect. How did you know these were my favorite?"

She smiled knowingly. "I've been listening to what you play a lot. Plus, I sneaked into your room when you were gone one day and looked through your CD collection." She looked around, suddenly nervous. "Please don't be mad."

"Of course not!" I said with a laugh. "Thank you!"

She nodded, smiling, and stepped back. Bella came forward and placed a small package in my hand. "This is from Edward and I. We hope you like it."

I opened the small box and lifted the top of the little jewelry box. Inside was a necklace with a heart-shaped charm and locket fixed to it. I fingered it slowly and read the inscription on the metal charm. 'John and Lily Anne' it read in beautiful, cursive writing. Inside the locket was a smaller version of the only two pictures I had of them, the one of John and I and then one Carlisle had given me of Lily. I took the necklace out of the box slowly and put it on, fingering the beautiful design on the locket. "Thank you so much," I whispered, my voice filling with emotion.

"We know they mean a lot to you," Edward said. All I could do was nod.

Hoping to lighten the mood, Esme stepped forward and took my hand. "What Carlisle and I got for you is outside. Although I suppose it's also from Edward since he helped us know what to pick. You apparently thought about it a lot," she said with a smile.

Everyone followed as Esme led me outside. We headed for the garage and I became puzzled. Outside the door, Alice flitted up beside me and places her hand over my eyes. "No peaking!" she warned. An image of me dancing flashed before my eyes and I realized that she was concentrating on that particular vision so that I wouldn't be able to see what was inside the garage waiting for me. Carefully, I stepped into the interior of the garage. We walked a little bit deeper into it when finally Esme told me to stop and Alice took her hand from my eyes. I looked around, puzzled as to what I should be looking for. All around me stood the Cullens cars, Edward's Volvo and Alice and Rosalie's convertibles. Then I spotted something new. Well, new is maybe not the right word, but it was new to this garage. Parked in between all the impeccably sleek cars was an old, cherry red Volkswagen Beetle. "Oh!" I gasped. There was a giant bow wrapped around the top of the car. "Oh, is this for me?" I felt overwhelmed. "Where did you find this?"

"An old gentleman had it for sale in Seattle. There was a lot wrong with it, but Jacob fixed it up very nicely for you, with a new paint job."

"It's so beautiful," I chirped.

I ran my hand along the hood. There was still a hint of new paint smell that clung to the car. I pulled open the driver side door and slid easily into the new, black leather seats. I muttered happily to myself as I looked over the whole interior. There was a new stereo that had been installed, plus a new A/C and heating system. Everything was polished and shining. I jumped out of the car and hugged everyone. "Oh, thank you!"

"The stereo is from Emmett and I," said Rosalie. I thanked them both.

Everyone slowly dispersed, leaving Alice and I behind. "So, do you wanna take your new car to town tonight?"

I nodded. "Yes, please. If you don't mind," I added, looking at her hopefully.

"Of course not, silly, it's your birthday!"

Alice ran inside to grab our purses and was back in a few seconds, holding out the Chanel bag she had bought for me last year. She slipped into the passenger seat beside me. As I started the car, she said, hinting, "Jacob put in a new engine, so don't be afraid to drive fast." I was very aware of the fact that none of them ever drove bellow the speed limit, so I stepped on the gas pedal once we hit the road. She directed me on where to go, and we reached Port Angeles in just under 45 minutes.

Stepping out of the car, Alice said, "Not bad for a first time speeder, although our record for this trip is 23 minutes. Emmett got pulled over by a cop when he tried to break it," she winked.

I just laughed and shouldered my bag. Alice led me around to all the best shops, letting me carefully go through all of them. She helped me find things with her visions, and when we were done, both of us were carrying enough bags of clothes to clothe an entire army. After depositing all the bags into the backseat and trunk of my car, Alice suggested we go see a movie. I agreed that it would be fun. I hadn't been to the movies in almost 4 years now, because John and I hadn't gone since I became pregnant. We looked over the selection and chose a romantic comedy that had come out a few days ago.

When the movie was done, we walked out of the theatre slowly, chatting happily about certain parts that we had found hilarious. We were almost to my car when I spotted a man walking along the other side of the street. I stopped in mid-sentence and turned to stare after the man.

Alice was asking me what was wrong, but I couldn't respond. The man had turned a corner, and I followed hastily after him, ignoring the honking cars I ran in front of. Alice followed me, still asking me what I was doing and if I was crazy. I quickly told her not to worry.

"I think I saw someone…" I didn't bother finishing. We turned the corner where the man had disappeared and came to a dead stop when we saw it was a dead end. But the man I had seen was standing in the middle of the alley, watching us.

"Did you follow me?" he called out in a loud voice. I could almost feel his fear rolling off of him in waves.

I shook my head, disappointed when I saw his face. He didn't look anything like John from the front.

"No," I said sadly. "I just thought I recognized you."

"We're sorry to have bothered you, sir," Alice said loudly. Then she grabbed my hand and pulled me back towards the car. When we were far enough away so he couldn't hear us, Alice whispered fervently, "What were you thinking?"

We stopped outside of my car. I was still looking towards the alley, not entirely focused on her but more on the pain that had washed over me when I realized it wasn't my beloved John. I finally snapped my head to look at Alice. She had grown quiet, watching my face intently.

"I'm sorry, Alice."

"You thought he was John, didn't you?" There was no accusation in her voice, only pity.

I simply nodded. Pulling open my car door, I slipped silently into the car, Alice beside me in a split second. She put her cold hand over mine and whispered, "I'm so sorry. We'll find him soon."

We rode home in silence, and this time I didn't try to appease her by going as fast as before, though I did go about 10 over the limit most of the time. I wanted to be back in the comfort of the home I had grown to love over these three years. And I wanted to beg Carlisle and Esme to find John for me, as soon as possible. The experience tonight had renewed my want to see his face again.


	10. Chapter 10

10.

When we got back to the house, I had calmed my emotions enough to be able to calmly get out of the car. When we walked into the house, I saw Edward sitting on the couch near the front door, watching us carefully. Had he heard something in Alice or I's mind about what had happened? He stood up and pulled Alice to the side, whispering something in her ear. Alice nodded and whispered back to him, "I think it's time."

Alice followed me up the stairs and we set down all the bags in my room. I thanked her earnestly for everything.

"Of course. It was fun." She smiled fully at me, not seeming sure if I wanted to discuss the latter part of the evening with her or not.

We stood in silence for a moment. "Alice," I finally spoke up.

"Yes?"

"I want you to tell me what you feel about what happened tonight." I needed a friend to talk me through the next part of this and I was thankful Alice was always willing.

Alice watched me carefully. "You've waited very patiently and you know we all know how you feel about this." She took my hand. "Edward is very worried about you. He knows you've been struggling with this for a while now."

I let out a shaky sigh. "I want this so badly, Alice. Even if I could just see him, from far away, just to know he's okay."

She nodded. "I know, and I know you're ready. But you need to speak to Carlisle."

I nodded. "I think I'm scared he'll say no." I laughed softly once the words were out of my mouth, knowing how ridiculous it sounded, like I was 15 and asking my father permission to go on a date.

Alice smiled lightly at me. "I don't think he will. Do you want me to come with you?"

I shook my head and let out a slow sigh, resolving to myself. "I need to do this alone. But thank you." I smiled at her. "You've been a great friend. I couldn't have asked for anyone better."

Alice smiled at me.

"Happy birthday, Lisa," she whispered in me ear as she hugged me tightly. She stepped out of the room, closing the door behind her softly.

I sat on the couch and pulled my feet up. Wrapping my arms around my legs, I sat absolutely still, staring off into space. Everything in me ached to see my husband, but I wanted to make sure my emotions were in control before I went to speak to Carlisle. I knew it was kind of absurd to be worried that he might reject my plan, but I couldn't let go of the uneasy feeling.

Finally I stood, straightening out my shirt and walked determinedly to Carlisle's study, hoping he was there. But before I even made it close to his office, I stopped myself, hearing voices from inside the room. I recognized Edward's voice.

"I can tell she wants this terribly but I want everyone to be safe."

Then Carlisle's voice came through the door. "She's always been very controlled. I think she's ready for this."

There was a pause before Edward replied. "She needs to know what she's going to tell him. He thinks she's dead, Carlisle."

"I'll help her figure it out, Edward. I think you are worrying too much about this. She wouldn't hurt anyone, least of all her husband."

I walked forward now, moving toward the closed door. I tried to keep my brain clear so Edward wouldn't read anything that would make him worry more. I tapped on the door and pushed it open when Carlisle called for me to come in.

He made no secret what Edward and he had been discussing. "Come, have a seat, please."

I sat down next to Edward. I looked at him and saw the worry etched in his face. I let out a soft sigh. "I suppose you know what I'm here to talk about."

Both nodded silently. I didn't continue and neither said anything for a few moments.

"Lisa, this could be dangerous," Edward said finally, as if trying to change my mind.

It's no use, Edward. I want this more than the next breath I take.

Carlisle gave Edward a soft but firm look. "I'm sorry, Carlisle, but she needs to know."

Carlisle didn't respond, but looked at me instead. "Do you feel like you're ready for this?"

I nodded. "I wouldn't do this if I wasn't positive."

"What will you tell him?"

"I don't know, but I was hoping all of you could help me," I threw a hopeful smile at Edward, trying to appease him with my peaceful mood. _I want to do this right._

Edward sensed that I was ready to take every precaution with this and relaxed his body. I felt him slowly give in.

Then I looked at Carlisle. "Are there a lot of risks with this?"

"Well, there is the possibility that his blood will smell… extra delightful to you, or that he'll ignore you or try to explain you away as a hallucination, hurting you, however unintentional. He thinks you're dead, Lisa. You need to realize how he might react, seeing a wife he thinks is gone walk up to him looking like an angel."

I nodded solemnly. "I understand," I said in a small voice.

"Have you considered the fact that he might have moved on," Edward asked me, keeping his voice very low. He added, making his voice apologetic, "I just want you to be prepared for everything."

I had always prayed that maybe he would move on and find happiness, but when it came to this, to wanting to see him, it was hard to admit that I really wanted only him to be happy. I knew it was selfish of me, but I didn't want to see him in the arms of another woman. I didn't want another broken heart.

"It's not selfish to want that," Edward whispered to me.

"Lisa, have you asked Alice whether she's seen anything about this?"

I shook my head, wishing I had thought to ask her that. "Maybe we should ask her now?"

Carlisle looked at Edward, asking him something mentally.

"Yes, I think we can proceed with this. We'll have everyone there, of course, to help her."

With that, the door opened behind us and Alice pranced in. "You wanted me?"

Carlisle nodded and she took a seat on the arm of the chair Edward was sitting in. She must have been listening to the conversation because she closed her eyes to concentrate without being told anything.

It was about a minute later when she finally opened her eyes again, looking straight at me. It's all a bit hazy, but I think everything will go fine."

"You think," asked Edward skeptically. Then he was silent as she shared her vision with him. He relaxed against the back of the chair. "Yes, everything seems good."

Carlisle nodded. "Can you hear anything that can clue us in to how she should approach him?"

Alice shook her head. "It keeps changing, like Lisa hasn't made up her mind yet."

Carlisle looked at me. "What are some ideas?"

I had asked myself this same question over and over again, coming up clueless every time. "I don't know. You said I couldn't tell him anything about…who I am now."

Carlisle nodded. "Unless you plan to change him, but it would be bad if he hears you out and decides he doesn't want this life for himself."

"Okay. Maybe I can just ask him to trust me." I looked hopefully at Alice. She shrugged.

"It was one of the things I saw, and he seemed to respond well to that, but I cannot promise that he'll never get curious."

"Of course," I replied, looking down at my hands. Then I glanced over at Edward, an idea forming in my head. "Edward, how did you tell Bella?"

Edward was prepared for my question, so obviously he was closely monitoring my thoughts. "She figured it out all by herself. Jacob had told her an ancient story that was told to all the kids at the reservation, about vampires and werewolves. At that time, Jacob didn't believe anything about it, but Bella started to piece it together."

I bit my lip. "Maybe all I can hope for is that he'll trust me and that he still feels the same way about me."

Carlisle was about to speak up when Alice interrupted him. "There's no way we can be certain about anything in this situation. I cannot see his response very clearly and Lisa can always decide to change her method midway through all of this. I think it's best if we just drop the pieces and let them fall where they may."

Everyone was silent, contemplating this.

"Okay," Carlisle muttered, still seeming a bit unconvinced. But I was sure about what Alice had said. I knew that everything about this could change in an instant and that there was no way to plan for anything.


	11. Chapter 11

11.

Carlisle took Edward and Jasper with him the next day. They were going to go to our old house and to John's work to find him. I had begged them to tell me if he had moved on, if there was any sort of hopelessness to the cause of meeting him face-to-face.

The whole day, as I waited for their return, I could not stay still. Alice tried to engage me. She suggested makeovers of hair and make-up and even hosting a little fashion show. She begged me to dance with her, but I couldn't do anything right because my brain was so distracted. Renesme pulled me to the piano and played a few songs for me, though when I tried to play, I couldn't concentrate on the sheets of music in front of me. We sang a few songs together, but I grew restless quickly. Bella asked me if I wanted to come to her dad's house for a visit, but I declined, knowing I would be a mess, and wanting to stay here unless there was any news or they came back.

I apologized to everyone profusely that day, as I stumbled about, pacing and wringing my hands. Finally Emmett walked up to me, wrapped his giant arms around me fiercely and pushed me down on the couch. I knew I was driving everyone crazy, but he shocked me when I got a look at his face. His teeth were clenched and his eyes scrunched together, as if trying to keep from exploding. "Please…sit…still," he begged me through clenched teeth.

And I sat there, motionless, for an hour, scared stiff at what Emmett would do if I moved even an inch.

And then the phone rang. It took all the self-control I had to stay on the couch, but I felt my fingers begin to twitch, my toes itching to run for the phone. Alice answered in a cheery voice, the only one who didn't seem to have been put down by my mood. She listened for a moment, her brow furrowing anxiously.

"Should I tell her," she asked as she glanced at me. That did me in, and I raced to where she stood, clutching the phone in her tiny hand. I refrained myself from grabbing the phone, but I could hear Carlisle's low voice talking fast. Then there was a pause, and I heard Carlisle say, "Is she there? Let me talk to her, please."

Alice handed the phone to me, eyeing me as if making sure I was mentally capable of holding a conversation. I grabbed the phone and pressed it to my left ear. "Hello?" I sputtered out. I noticed I sounded maybe a bit too excited, so I toned my voice down before repeating my hello.

Carlisle's voice filled my ear. "Hello, Lisa. I heard you've been causing trouble today."

I groaned, wishing he would skip the chitchat, but said nothing.

Finally, Carlisle said in a serious voice, "Lisa, we could not find him. Your home was sold to an older couple and he no longer works at his job."

My heart fell and my lips sagged into a pout, though really I wanted to cry. "And there's nothing else you can do?"

"I don't know. Can you think of anything?"

I stood still for a long time, thinking, trying to put my thoughts in order. "My parents, perhaps?" I said with hope in my voice.

"Alright," I could hear Carlisle let out a sigh of relief. "Where do they live?"

I relayed to him their address and he said they would head there right away. There was a click on the other end and the line went dead. Slowly I handed the phone back to Alice, who was still watching me, unable to process my thoughts right. What should I think? My husband was gone. Had he sold the house because of all the memories there, or had he found someone else to share his life with? And why would he quit his job, the one he had worked so hard to get and loved? I could not make sense of anything. I walked solemnly to the couch and sat down, Alice taking a seat next to me. She seemed at a loss as to how to help me, so she simply rubbed my back, moving her arm in a soothing circle. I closed my eyes and wished I knew what to do. And what if they couldn't find my parents? Were they gone, too, from the home they had lived in since I was 9? I didn't want to think about it.

I desperately needed someone to help me sort this out, so I turned to Alice suddenly, scaring her a little. "Alice!" I whispered fiercely. I grabbed her free hand in both of mine and held on tightly. "Is there anything else we could do to find him?" I begged her with my eyes to tell me something, anything that could help.

Alice sat silently watching me. "Do you have anything that might have his scent on it," she finally asked me.

I thought very hard about this. "I have things he's touched, but it's been so long," I replied, sadly, feeling my hope come crashing down. But then, as if a match had been dropped back into the fire of my soul, I jumped up and nearly shouted, "Wait!"

I turned back to Alice, who was watching me curiously.

"I had a bag, an overnight bag with me the night of the accident with some of his clothes in it. Does your dad have it?"

Alice stood up now and in a flash the phone reappeared in her hand. She dialed a number at lightning speed and pushed the phone to her ear. She spoke in a rush, relaying what I had thought of. And then she nodded at me, a smile on her lips. "He has it," she mouthed. And then she led me up the stairs and into what I assumed was Carlisle and Esme's room. Alice walked to the closet as she listened to the directions Carlisle was giving her. Pulling open the closet door, she pranced inside the huge walk-in closet. I stared in wonder at all the different clothes that hung there, suits and button-up shirts and medical scrubs on Carlisle's side and shirts, dressed and pants on Esme's side. I saw a few odd items hanging in between all the normal clothing, like a long mother of the groom dress and a white button up suit. By now Alice had found the suitcase and popped it open on the bed, rummaging through it carefully. She had hung up the phone by now and I rejoined her in the bedroom.

"Aha!" she muttered happily. She held up a pair of jeans for me to see.

"Yes, those are his." I took a sniff. "And they still smell like him, too," I said softly, as I let the scent fill my nose and lungs. I clutched the jeans to my chest and told her there was also a button up shirt and sweater inside. She pulled both out without putting a single wrinkle in them. "Very nice," she muttered appreciatively. "Classy but casual."

I smiled.

She was still digging and suddenly begging laughing. She held up a pair of boxer shorts. "Do you want to add these, too?"

If I had been able to blush, she would have seen my face go bright red. "No," I stuttered out. "You can put those back."

Alice was still laughing, though now mostly to herself. She folded the boxers back into the bag and then looked up at me, smiling. "Do you want this bag? I see it has some of your clothes in it as well." She put emphasis on the word 'clothes' and I realized she must have seen my nice silk panties and bra. I blushed internally.

I shook my head. "Just put it back in the closet. And make sure to zip it, please!"

Alice nodded, laughing again, and replaced the bag carefully. Then we both walked out of the room and back downstairs, where she began searching for a large Ziploc bag. She was still chuckling under her breath.

"We want to preserve the smell as much as possible," she explained. "It's quiet amazing it still smells so much like him, after sitting in the back of a closet that belongs to vampires for so long."

When she produced a Ziploc bag that was large enough to at least hold each piece separately, we stuffed them inside, being careful to touch it as little as possible. Then we put the three bags into a paper shopping bag and placed it by the door. "Carlisle will be home soon, and tomorrow they'll try tracking your husband by his smell. It will be hard though, since we don't really have any idea where to look."

"My parents? Were they still there, in the house?"

"Well, they still own the same house if that's what you mean. They were just leaving as the boys pulled up to the house."

"Oh," was all I could manage. I wasn't sure whether I was disappointed or not. "Did Carlisle see their faces? Did they look sad?"

"I don't know," replied Alice, "You'll have to ask him when he gets back here.

I nodded and stalked back into the living room, switching on the TV silently and flipping through channels, though not really paying attention. Alice finally helped me pick out a show, and we watched together in silence, though I'm not sure if she was paying attention. I wasn't.

Carlisle, Edward, and Jasper walked in silently a few hours later. Jasper came to sit next to Alice, whispering to her so low I couldn't hear. I stood up and followed Carlisle to his office. I watched silently as he pulled off his rain jacket, hanging it on the coat rack behind his desk. He sat down and folded his hands in his lap, watching me quietly. I sat down in the same chair I always sat in and looked back at him, expectantly.

"Did you see them," I finally asked him in a low voice.

He kept watching me for a minute. "Your grandparents," he asked. "Yes, we did. They were leaving the house just as we pulled up."

"Did you see their faces?"

Again Carlisle was silent for a moment. "I've seen many faces over the years, and it's hard to forget the face of a parent who has lost their child, especially when it is unexpected. Your parents still have a hint of that look in their eyes, but I believe they're trying to move on with their life. Edward told me your father thought of you the whole way to the car, and probably had been thinking about you for a while. They miss you, Lisa."

I bit my lip, my eyes burning with tears I could not cry. "And my husband? When will you go to look for him?"

"Alice told me you found the clothing with his scent still on it. We'll start tomorrow, early. Edward is coming with us incase we can locate your husband by his thoughts. Jasper and Emmett are the best trackers out of all of us, though we need to leave a man here because we don't know how long we'll be gone. So Jasper will stay behind here."

"I'm sure he's stayed close. John is not the sort of man to pack up and move to Australia. He has ties here, and it will be hard to break those." I looked at the floor and whispered, mostly to myself, though I was sure Carlisle could hear me, "It must have been extremely hard to even sell the house."

"He didn't sell it, he's renting it out."

I shook my head, sadness flowing over me. "My poor baby."

I put my head in my hands and sat silent for a long time. Carlisle did nothing to disturb me.

Then I stood up slowly, supporting myself with the chair arm, and walked slowly towards the door. I stopped before I opened it and turned to face Carlisle. "Thank you so much for doing this for me. You and your family… I'm so thankful to have you as my friends."

Carlisle nodded, smiling. "You've become like family, Lisa. We're glad to do it." He added softly, "We just don't want to see you hurt."

I wasn't sure whether he was talking about my current pain or warning me about the pain that might be coming later. I walked out of the room and nearly ran to my room. I just wanted to be alone for a little bit. I wasn't going to try to figure anything out because I knew I couldn't, not right now at least. I just sat down on the couch, still as a statue, and didn't move for the rest of the night as I let every emotion I felt have its 'five minutes of fame'.


	12. Chapter 12

12.

They were gone when I went downstairs the next day. I didn't say much and everyone let me be, probably glad I was more solemn today. The hours dragged by slowly as I wandered around, trying to find things to do, anything to keep me from having to think. I finished a trilogy of novels Edward had recommended to me in one sitting and watched an 80's chic-flick marathon on TV. I tried to compose a symphony and spent countless hours in the dance studio, dancing away everything I felt with blaringly loud music and closed eyes.

Bella found me in the studio on the first day. She startled me out of my trance when she turned off my music. I whirled around.

She smiled at me softly. "I'm sorry about all of this. It must be hard being so close to your husband but yet still so far away."

"Did someone one pay you to come talk to me," I eyed him suspectingly.

She seemed shocked. "No! Just wanted to talk to you, make sure you're all right. I consider you a friend by now, you know."

I was embarrassed that I had thought it could be anything more than that: friend-to-friend. "Sorry," I muttered.

She laughed. "It's alright. I'm very suspicious looking, they tell me." I smiled in return.

I walked over towards her. "My feelings are confusing me at the moment, more than ever before. I want to see him so badly but a part of me thinks maybe it would be better if I let him be, not drag him into this new…world."

She folded her arms and nodded.

"What was it like when you found out what Edward was?"

"Surprisingly easy. I loved him, and he was so perfect to me that I was willing to risk my own life, my sanity, to be with him."

I sighed. "I can only hope my husband still loves me."

She took my hand and squeezed it gently. "Once you find someone to love, it's hard to fall out of love with them."

I looked away, my voice catching as I confessed, "I'm so scared he won't accept me. That he'll be repulsed by what I've become."

"True love is blind, Lisa."

I looked back at her. "Yes, I suppose it can be. But is it blind enough to look past the fact that my nature begs me to suck blood?"

"I looked past it with Edward. But maybe you don't have to tell him everything. Maybe if he figures it out himself, it will be easier to believe. I don't think I would have believed Edward if he'd told me right from the start, and I probably wouldn't have fallen in love with him."

I nodded, "Maybe you're right. I just don't what to tell him. He's believed for three years that I'm dead and gone, and one day I show up… looking like this?"

Bella shook her head. "Maybe you looking like an angel will distract him from everything else." She winked at me, hoping to lighten my darkening mood.

I laughed. "Maybe," I added hopefully. We walked out of the studio together, moving silently towards the house. Bella stopped halfway there and I turned back to look at her, wondering what she was thinking. I chuckled to myself when I though of how useful Edward's gift would be, though it wouldn't work on Bella. She held her hand out for me to take and said, "I have someplace I want to show you. Run with me?"

We ran for about thirty minutes when we reached the road. We crossed it and resumed our run through the woods and finally we came to clearing. There were wildflowers growing amongst the tall, light green grass, a gentle breeze flowing through. The sun shone in through the opening in the trees and made the whole meadow seem to sparkle. Bella stepped into the sun and immediately, her skin became like the faces of millions of diamonds. She was radiant. I stepped into the sun beside her, feeling the sun kiss my skin softly. I closed my eyes for a moment, letting the feeling of warmth on my skin soothe me.

"This is Edward and I's meadow. This is where we first kissed, where he first showed me his true self. This is where we started the relationship that has carried me through thick and thin."

She had been looking around the meadow, lost inside memories, letting the grass blades caress her open hands. She looked at me, smiling at the sweetness of what she was remembering. Then she walked over to me and took my hand. "Maybe it will help if you find your own meadow, for you and John. A place where you can be open with him, someplace you both can share."

She was watching the sky now, the sun reflecting off her skin. I held my hands in front of me and watched the light move with the motion of my hands. It was like I was a disco ball, reflecting every light around me. Then I crossed my arms over my chest and hugged myself tightly.

"Am I beautiful, Bella?"

She seemed surprised by the question. She turned her face to watch me inquisitively. Finally she nodded, a small smile lighting across her lips. "You're very beautiful, in fact. If I wasn't absolutely sure Edward is in love with me like he is, I might be jealous," she added with a wink.

I laughed lightly. "Maybe that will be enough to convince John to stay with me."

Again she took my hand. "Although you are a vampire, I still say the odds against you are very slight." The smile was still on her lips. "A man would be crazy not to stay with someone like you, especially if you love him."

"And I do," I said under my breath. I took a deep breath and nodded. "Thank you, Bella. This was what I needed."

I hugged her close. "This whole family has been far too kind to me."

She simply laughed. "Whatever you say."

And with that we were headed back to the house, racing with each other, feeling giddy, unaware of the looming storm cloud hanging over our heads.

Every day, at least one of them called, usually all three so they could talk to their significant others, to update us on what was happening.

They had followed his scent the first day all through our hometown, and then down to my parents' home. They went on down further into Olympia on the second day, and tracked back up to Seattle, which was the last we had heard from them. It was now day four, and everyone was waiting anxiously for them to call.

And the phone rang at exactly the same time it had every day for the past three days. It was Jasper who answered. He spoke in a hushed tone to whoever it was on the other end, at one point even leaning away from me. I didn't let it bother me, because it meant they had news, whether good or bad I could not say. Jasper hung up after a few minutes and asked to speak to Esme and Alice upstairs. Alice eyed me apologetically, and I sent her a mental message to let her know I was feeling okay.

I sat on the couch, my feet tucked under me, until they came back downstairs.

"Lisa," Jasper looked at me for the first time since the call. "They've found him."

My heart skipped a beat as I heard those words, then crashed, waiting to hear the bad news. "Where?"

Esme spoke up now, in a soothing voice, "In Seattle."

"But where?" I stressed.

Alice came to sit next to me and began rubbing my back in a circular motion like she did whenever she felt I was becoming stressed or anxious.

"A bar." Jasper spoke the words carefully.

I covered my mouth with my hand. "No!" I gasped into my mouth. John had become sober after we had been dating for 2 months for my sake. The fact that he would lapse back into it after thinking he'd lost me made me speechless. Then I looked from Alice to Jasper to Esme. "Please," I begged. "Take me to see him."

Esme looked over at Jasper and said something that sounded like, "I told you she would want to go," though there was no accusation in her voice. They had apparently already made their mind up on this matter.

Alice took my hand and helped me off the couch, while Esme and Jasper quickly packed overnight bags with three changes of clothes for all four of us. It was decided that Bella and Rosalie would stay behind with Renesme, and if they were needed, arrangements would be made for Renesme to go to La Push with Jacob. We left the house, the whole process taking only a few words of instructions from Esme and Jasper. I hugged Bella, Renesme, and Rose goodbye.

"I told you we'd find him for you," whispered Rosalie to me.

And like that, we were in Esme's car, rolling down the driveway. We drove straight the whole way, only stopping once for gas. We got to the hotel where the others were staying at around 11 at night. Carlisle told me that John had already gone back to the little studio he was renting and that I would get to see him tomorrow.

"Does he look terrible?" I asked him earnestly.

He looked me deep in the eye and spoke the truth. "Yes."

And then I was taken to a room that I would share with Alice and Jasper. Emmett and Edward had the room to the left of us and Esme and Carlisle, the one on the right. All of this, of course, was just to appear normal and escape suspicion.

Alice stayed with me while Jasper went to the boys' room to go watch a game or something, while Esme and Carlisle stayed in their room.

"Is it hard to know that he's drinking?" Alice asked me. We were sitting together on one of the couches. I dropped the book I had been pretending to read and saw that Alice was done with her manicure. I was glad that she didn't go out of her way to try and please me, but continued with her normal daily things. This made it seem less like my world could crash down around me at any moment.

I nodded. "He became sober when we started dating." I didn't say anything else, letting her draw her own conclusions.

She was waving her hands around, trying to get the nail polish to dry faster. "You know, it's much better if you blow on them."

She laughed. "Yes, but I get impatient sometimes," she winked. "I mean, time is endless for me, but I still like my nails to dry in a short time."

"Well, of course. Thus giving you more time to enjoy them." I smiled at her playfully.

She rolled her eyes, though she was laughing. It felt good to be normal for a while and forget everything. We talked about anything and everything under the sun that didn't have to do with what was going to happen tomorrow. She gave me a manicure as well, along with a pedicure. Around dawn, she asked if I'd like her to do my hair and told her that'd be fine. She played with it for a long time before she finally just pulled the top half into a bun at the back of my head, letting the rest falls down my shoulders and back in long curls. I slipped into a blue dress that hugged my body and applied a little liquid eyeliner above my top lashes.

And then reality set in when Carlisle knocked on our door around 9, and I felt a little bit embarrassed about all the mindless things we had done last night. But nobody said anything about it as they all filed into our room. Everyone stood around the room awkwardly, until Carlisle spoke up.

"Alice, do you have any clue as to what would be the best plan of action today?"

She focused for a minute. "I see Jasper and you. You're at his place and you are asking him to join you somewhere. Lisa is there, at that place. That's all I can see. A lot of it is still blurry."

"Okay. Should we bring him here, then? There are enough witnesses outside so if anything goes wrong, hopefully he will leave peacefully, but still provides us with a place to hold a private reunion." He looked at me, asking me with his eyes if I approved of the plan.

I nodded. "That sounds like the best plan."

"Edward and Emmett will be in their room and Esme and Alice will stay with you here."

Everyone suddenly seemed to come alive. Alice walked over to Jasper, who was already next to Carlisle, and they talked quietly while Emmett moved to the other room, leaving Esme with me. I wanted Edward to stay with me, though, at least until John arrived, because I wanted to know what he would say. Edward heard me and came towards me, standing behind one of the high-backed single chairs. I took a seat on the couch and Esme next to me. She whispered to me softly, stroking my hair and reassuring me that everything would be all right.

Jasper and Carlisle left a few minutes later, and Alice joined Esme and I on the couch. I was squashed in between the two of them. I watched Edward's face as he watched the wall above my head, though not seeing anything. We had to wait a little bit longer because Jasper and Carlisle were taking the car to John's studio apartment. But finally they were there, and Edward began to speak in a low, monotone voice. "They've just arrived in front of the apartment and are up the stairs and at his door. Carlisle knocks." There was a pause in the monologue as I assumed they were waiting for John to answer the door. Then Edward spoke again. "He's not answering but the door appears to not have been closed properly last night, so Carlisle and Jasper are going in. He's in the bed, lying face down. Carlisle is shaking him awake and he rolls over… Wow, he looks terrible." I cringed. Edward noticed my thoughts and apologized quickly. "Well, he's not understanding anything Carlisle is trying to tell him, though Jasper is trying to make him feel more… awake."

"Is it working," I asked anxiously.

Edward shook his head, though I wasn't sure if it was in reply to my question or something he had heard in someone's mind. "He's just collapsed, probably from all the alcohol."

I jumped up and gasped. "What are they going to do?" What was _I_ going to do?

Edward glanced at me, giving me a look that told me to stay put. "Carlisle has decided it's probably best if they bring him here to sober up."

I sank down into the couch. Had I failed my husband?

"There's nothing you could have done," Edward whispered quietly.

I knew it was true but some part of me felt like I could have done something, at least tried to warn him somehow, to let him know I was okay.

Esme and Alice both sensed my anguish and tried to comfort me. I looked back up at Edward, pain visible in my eyes. "Which room will they take him too?" I asked in a broken voice.

"Carlisle's room."

I stood to move over to the room next door, but Alice pulled me down with a soft rebuke. "Now is not the best time, Lisa. Please just wait until he has slept this off."

I couldn't object anymore. All my strength seemed to have failed me. I sank back down into the couch and slumped against Alice's cold, marble body. She stroked my back, humming softly.

I never heard him leave, but at one point I looked up and noticed Edward was gone. Was he with my husband now? I looked at Alice. "How is he doing?"

She shook her head. "It's so hard to see him. But it seems like he'll be sleeping for a while."

I felt the slight change in temperatures as the sun went down and came back up again the next morning. The whole time, neither Alice nor I moved, though she continued to rub my back. She was very careful to keep her mind blank, which would have frustrated me if my energy wasn't so spent. Esme moved in between her room and mine, simply to make sure I was okay and to check if there was any news, though there never was. John had slept the whole day and night without moving a muscle. It was worse than I had feared.

At one point, I became so agitated and anxious that Alice had to get Jasper to calm me down. I could see the pain I felt reflecting on his face as he read my emotions, quickly calming me.


	13. Chapter 13

13.

It was around 4 in the afternoon and Esme relayed to Alice and I that John was slowly beginning to come out of his drunken slumber. Alice warned me it was still a little too early to see him, so Esme went back and forth, telling us what was happening. Carlisle was trying to give him some food, Edward watching his mind carefully for any signs that John might start panicking or cause trouble. And slowly John was coming to, complaining of a headache, seemingly unaware of his surroundings or who he was with. Carlisle gave him two pain pills.

And then all of a sudden there was a gasp from Alice and all of the Cullens flew into our room.

"Alice, what do you see?" asked Jasper anxiously. Edward's face was changing so fast as he processed what Alice was seeing. "No," he muttered under his breath. I reached to grab Alice's hand, to see what she was seeing, but Emmett was beside me in a flash, holding my hands away. And then Edward's eyes flew upon and he spoke quietly to Carlisle, so that I couldn't hear. Carlisle came to my side and asked Esme to take me to the other room. I didn't know what was happening as Esme half-dragged me to Emmett's room and placed me on the couch in front of the TV, which was still on. Emmett must not have thought of turning it off in his hurry to come to my room. I was frustrated that he had pulled me away from Alice, and that I hadn't been able to reach Edward.

"Esme, Esme!" I wasn't unable to fully grasp what was happening, which terrified me. "What is happening?"

"I don't know, darling," she spoke softly as she rubbed my back. "I'm sure it's nothing for you to worry about."

I was about to ask her why they had insisted on me leaving the room if it did not concern me, but I was interrupted when Jasper flew in to the room and said with a hard edge in his voice, "John has left."

Esme stood up quickly and I asked, "Is that what Alice saw?"

Jasper looked at me. He didn't reply, just smiled sadly at me and led Esme to her room. I followed, not sure if I was supposed to or not, and peeked past everyone at the bed that was in the middle of the room. The sheets were rumpled like someone had slept there, but there was no body. John was gone! I pushed past everyone and went quickly to the bed, pulling the sheets up to my face to smell them. His scent wafted into my nose along with an old musty smell mixed with liquor. I nearly gagged as the alcohol flooded my nostrils. It seemed that becoming a vampire had not lessened my disgust of the amber liquid. Alice was trying to pull me off the bed as she felt the waves of confusion and anger flowing off of me. "Come on, Lisa. This is not good for your mental health."

I let go of the edge of the bed and let her drag me back to the couch in our room. I heard everyone else murmuring together as they discussed what had happened.

"He's gone back to the bar across the street," whispered Edward, furious. "I didn't see it coming because he must have only thought of it while I was busy with Alice's vision and slipped out while we were all in there."

Esme was asking anxiously what should be done.

"We can't go in there and pull him out without causing a scene. We'll have to wait until he leaves to go back to his studio."

"We can't keep him here, Carlisle, he'll just keep trying to leave." It was Emmett who spoke.

"You're right," said Carlisle, "We'll have to take him out of Seattle and back home. It's the best option as of now."

"Plus with the danger," muttered Edward, not finishing his sentence.

"Yes, we're better prepared in Forks for them."

I was so confused. Who was Carlisle talking about? Was someone coming to harm John? My thoughts were like scrambled eggs and I was unable to piece them together the right way. Everything that had happened in the past week was either going so fast it was hard to keep up or so slow that there was nothing to do. I didn't feel tired like I wanted to sleep, but my head was starting to throb, wanting some peace.

Alice never moved from my side as we waited for night to fall. She kept her mind blank like before. Finally there was a stir around 5 in the morning and Carlisle, Emmett, Edward, and Jasper slipped out quietly. Esme announced that she would be taking Alice and I home, so we packed what we had brought for ourselves and checked out for everyone, pilling everyone's things into the back of the car. Alice sat up front, sensing I wanted some space, and we drove through the night in silence. We reached Forks just as the sun was peaking over the horizon. We took all the bags into the house and Bella and Rose helped unpack everything, sorting out what needed to be washed from the clean clothes.

My throat had begun burning, reminding me that I had not eaten in several days, so Alice and Esme went out with me and we hunted for about an hour. When we got back, we heard a shuffle going on in the garage and we went to see what was happening. As Carlisle and Emmett were pulling John out of the car, he had awakened and was trying to fight them off. Of course, Emmett and Carlisle could not be budged and they dragged him into the house and up the stairs into an extra room that had a bed in it from when Bella had visited while she was still human. Emmett and Edward pinned John to the bed while Carlisle administered medicine with a syringe, which made him fall asleep instantly. I watched from the corner of the room as Edward and Emmett released their hold and gently pulled his arms up to lie beside him on the bed. Nobody seemed to notice me as they buzzed around John, making sure there were no bruises on him, though I was sure Edward and Emmett had been very gentle with him. Finally I asked loudly what had happened in Seattle.

It was Carlisle who answered me. "We got to the bar a little bit after he left, and found him in an alley being beaten. We got there before anything serious could happen, but one of the muggers did get a few punches in before running off."

I could hear his heart beating, the blood pushing through his veins. I took a sniff and, looking past the alcohol, could smell the familiar scent. My mouth began to water, so I swallowed convulsively. I knew I could control myself, however good he smelled to me, because this was my husband, the man I loved and had waited three years to see again. I walked slowly to the bed and sat down next to John's still figure, watching his chest rise and fall slowly as he breathed. I began to study his face, noticing that his hair was unkempt and almost shoulder-length and dirty. There were smudges on his face and on his lip was a little trail of dried blood. But there was still that beauty I remembered falling in love with, gentleness to his face. I stroked his cheek softly, lovingly. Though I barely touched him, there was still a slight stir in the air as his scent mixed with mine. I looked down at his body and noticed that his clothes were dirty and torn. He wore an old t-shirt and a pair of jeans, canvas running shoes on his feet. I glanced around the room and saw that only Esme was still there.

"Will you help me clean him up a little?" I looked back at his dirty figure, reeking of alcohol.

She nodded and went to go fetch a deep dish with warm water and soap and a washcloth. I got most of the dirt off his face and hands with that, but suggested that maybe I should give him a bath.

"Will you be alright doing it by yourself, or do you want me to help you?"

I shook my head. "I think I can do it by myself."

"I'll get you a change of clothes for him. He looks to be about Carlisle's size."

I pulled John off the bed slowly, so as not to hurt him, and carried him to the nearest bathroom with a tub. I had always found it strange that a house of vampires would have so many bathrooms, since there was no need to use the toilet or take a shower. But now I was grateful for it, as I set John carefully on the toilet, leaning him against the wall, as I stripped off his dirty clothes, laying them in a pile by the door. Esme came in with clothes after I had placed him in the tub. I turned on the water and adjusted the temperature, testing it carefully to make sure it wasn't too cold, since everything felt hot to me. I finally set the knob at about medium and figured that was good. There was a soft knock on the door and Bella came in. "I figured you might need these. I still have them from when I was human."

She handed me a bar of soap and shampoo and conditioner. "It's a bit girlie, I know," she said apologetically and I read the label on the two bottles.

I smiled at her thankfully, joking, "I never would have pinned you as a freesia woman."

Bella laughed and closed the door behind her as she walked out. I used the washcloth from before and scrubbed John's body from head to toe. I noticed a few bruises on his chest and arms, being especially careful not to press those areas too hard. Then I washed his hair, which took me three go-arounds until I felt his hair was truly clean again. I cleaned inside his ears and under his nails and toenails, taking a clipper to the ones that were too long.

Esme walked in to help me right after I had drained the tub. She helped me gingerly pull out his body and dry him. I pulled on the new clothes while she held him upright, laughing when she smelled the flowery scent to his hair.

"It was Bella's," I admitted with a chuckle.

And then we carried him back to the bed, which had been stripped of the old sheets and had fresh, clean sheet on. Esme left the room, closing the door behind her, after I told her I'd wanted to be alone with him for a while.

I took his hand in mine and stroked it lightly, tracing all the lines. "I've missed you so much, John," I whispered to him. I wasn't sure if he could hear me, though I was sure he wouldn't have recognized my voice now. I carefully laid my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat like a metronome.

I didn't know how long I lay there with my eyes closed, but suddenly the door opened and Alice walked in. "He's going to wake up soon, Lisa."

I stood up, embarrassed that she had seen me with my head on my husband's chest. "Can I stay? I want to be here when he wakes up."

Alice nodded. "Emmett, Edward, and Carlisle will be here, of course, to hold him back if he tries to do anything, like run, but I think it would be a good idea if there's someone he'll recognize. And you are the reason he's here after all."

"If he even recognizes me," I added slowly, almost scared to say it out loud.

"It will take him a little bit but he will, though he'll try to pinch himself, swearing he's dreaming." And then she added in a less cherry voice, "Be careful, Lisa. Of everything, but especially of what you tell him." A dark shadow passed behind her eyes, though it happened so fast I couldn't be sure it wasn't just my imagination.

"Some secrets are best kept that way," I muttered to myself, though I had no idea how hard it would be to keep a secret this big from him. Being a vampire, that's who I was now, and I would have to use all my strength to try and resist that new nature.

I couldn't lie to myself anymore: John smelled so good, and my body craved his blood, wanting to bite into him and taste it. But Edward had been able to resist his urge because of the love he felt for Bella, knowing that he would have killed himself if he harmed her in any way. And I knew I felt exactly the same way about John. I loved this man lying absolutely still on the bed in front of me. I watched the rise and fall of his chest again, the pain of these three years spent separate threatening to flow over. But I held on to my cool and watched as, slowly, he began stirring, waking from his medicated slumber.

Edward and Carlisle were the first to come in, taking up a position behind the bed, out of direct view from John's perspective. Emmett lumbered in only a millisecond later and stood next to Edward, watching me. I noticed everyone was watching me, in fact, anxiety and worry etched in their faces. I wanted to tell them not worry about me, though in some way it felt nice to know they cared so much that they would hate to see me get hurt.

Alice had moved into a dark corner behind Carlisle, watching everything around her in the room and in her mind.

John's eyes popped open suddenly and he sucked in a deep breathe of air. I took one step closer to the left corner of the bed, feeling everyone's eyes on me, watching my face and reading my body language. I had no doubt Edward was inside both my head and John's.

And then John slowly began to sit up, his eyelids still half-closed, showing the effects of the drug hadn't worn off completely yet. I waited with an incredible patience, my inner vampire shinning through in this. Time wasn't so important when you'd live until the world stopped turning.

He began to look around himself, slowly becoming aware of his surroundings. I carefully monitored his feelings, watching for any signs of being frightened. And then his eyes landed on me. He blinked twice, slowly, and I waited for his brain to fully kick in. And then his eyes snapped open and he let out a gasp. But he didn't move, didn't jump off the bed. I bit my lip, praying this wouldn't be as hard as I'd always feared it might be.

And then he sat up and began pinching his arms, blinking furiously, still watching me. I could feel the confusion that he felt. He tried everything to check if he was dreaming or not, and the whole time I stood perfectly still, almost too nervous to breathe.

Finally he gave up. His eyes never wavered from mine. He croaked out in a dry voice, "Is this a dream?"

My eyes began to burn with unshed tears. I didn't trust my voice to not reveal my sudden change in emotions, so I simply shook my head. He looked so glorious, his slight curls falling across his scrunched-up forehead. The curtains were closed tight, the only light in the room coming from the lamp above his head. It made his hair shine. I wondered with a smile if the view from where he sat could really be any better than mine.

John saw the smile that had slightly uplifted the corners of my mouth. "Who are you," he asked in bewilderment. I couldn't help but rejoice at the sound of his voice, re-awakening memories I thought were long gone. He sounded like an angel, as much as Edward and Alice did, but only better, because it was _his_ voice. He knew the answer to the question, but he seemed almost afraid to admit it to himself, which I found reasonable.

And finally I spoke. "Hello, John," was all I said, my melodic voice ringing around the room.

"You know my name," he sputtered out.

I nodded. "Of course."

Now he was off the bed and coming towards me, one hand held out hesitantly in front of him. Carlisle, Edward, and Emmett moved at the same time, wanting to be as close as possible if anything happened. But I took a step back from John, scared to left him touch me. I almost found it ridiculous that, of all things I should be scared of, it was this that now gripped my stomach. I saw the hurt flash across his eyes and was instantly sorry I had moved. But what would he do if he felt my skin, hard as rock and cold as ice? It was for the best, I reminded myself. But I still took half a step forward to reassure him I wasn't going anywhere. He noticed this and lowered his hands, happiness replacing his hurt. I took another small step towards him, longing to feel his warm skin under my fingertips. But I refrained from touching him, making sure to keep at least an arms-length distance between us. It was so painful to be even this far away from him now; it felt more like we were miles apart.

"John," I whispered his name. I noticed his eyes open a tiny bit wider and felt the happiness that ran from his head to his toes.

"If this is a dream, I never want it to end," he whispered. I wasn't sure if he'd meant for me to hear that or not, though I obviously could. I decided to reply anyways.

"This isn't a dream, John."

He shook his head. He wanted to believe it but was scared of loosing his mental health if he did.

"I'm real," I said.

I placed my hand on my neck, slightly caressing the little metal heart with his name engraved on it. I noticed the minute my scent hit his nose. His mouth opened slightly in surprise, his eyes widening a little more. He recognized my smell, though it was probably ten times more powerful now. "Alissa," he whispered, finally starting to believe.

I nodded. "John," I whispered back, longing to hold him, to feel his arms around me. I took another half step towards him. His scent was stronger than before, leaving me breathless.

And suddenly I wasn't afraid anymore. "Do you trust me, John," I asked him.

He ignored my question. "I thought you were dead."

_In a way I was_, I thought to myself. _It's not living when you're not here._

But I didn't say my thoughts out loud. Instead, I replied, "I'm not."

"But why? Why didn't you come find me?"

"Do you trust me, John?" I asked again, this time more fervently.

I counted his heartbeats, 3 of them, before he replied. "Yes."

"Then please trust me when I say that it was for your protection and mine. If I could have come to you sooner, please believe me, I would have." I stopped myself before I got carried away.

John closed his eyes and I felt the pain and frustration.

"Please, trust me. I'm begging you."

He opened his eyes again. "Okay," he surrendered. And then his mind switched tracks and he said slowly, "Your voice sounds like a beautiful concert of bells."

I smiled slowly. "Thank you," I whispered, loud enough for him to hear me.

"And you look so… beautiful. You always were, but now…" he didn't finish the sentence, apparently unable to find the word he was looking for. "And you smell like heaven itself."

He didn't ask the question I knew was burning in my mind, about what had happened to me.

"There's a lot that's different about me, but the explanation is not… simply." I saw Alice flash me a warning look out of the corner of my eye, reminding me of what she had said before. "That is why I just need to you to trust me."

He nodded. "If that's the price I have to pay to be with you, then I will gladly pay it." But the doubt seemed to cross him mind. "That is, if you'll have me."

I almost laughed at the ridiculousness of that statement, but held it in. "I've waited for three years to have you, I'm not going to give you up now."

"Oh, Lisa, I can't believe it's really you!" And then he had his arms around me, squeezing me tight. I winced the moment I heard the smack of his skin against my cold body, but had no time to respond. But he didn't seem to notice that he was hugging a statue of stone. I kissed his forehead lightly, and everyone left us alone while he had his face buried in my hair, though I was sure one of them was standing watch outside the door, ready to burst in should I take to his throat.


	14. Chapter 14

14.

We were sitting on the bed, silently watching each other, for a long time. Every once in a while, one of us would think of a question to ask the other.

"Why did you quit your job?"

His head dropped. "I didn't quit," he said quietly.

I knew what he was saying immediately, but I didn't respond for a few seconds. "That job meant the world to you, babe."

He nodded and looked up at me. "The boss couldn't have me around anymore, he thought I might jump out of the window and try to kill myself one day." I gasped, but he continued. "It wasn't good for the company to have a depressed man walking around."

"Where did you go?"

"For a long time, I lived off the money we'd saved together, and your parents helped me out a lot, but the house was becoming too much for me – too many memories everywhere I looked. So I rented it out, because I couldn't bear to actually loose it. I suppose some part of me was trying to tell you were somewhere, alive. I moved in with your folks for a while, though they asked me to stop drinking if I was going to do that. I couldn't…stop, Lisa. I hurt so much and the drinking made it go away. And waking up the next morning with a headache or having to vomit, it distracted me from the real pain of losing you."

My face was fixed into a pained expression, like I was crying without tears. My heart was breaking, and I began to ask myself how I had let this happen. I knew I couldn't have done much, but if I'd only tried. "Oh, I'm so sorry," I whispered with a crack in my voice.

He shook his head. "I'm just so happy that you're here now." He rubbed the skin between my thumb and index finger, and noticed that he realized the temperature difference between us for the first time. But he didn't say anything, just kept rubbing my hand. He noticed my rings for the first time and gently ran his finger over the face of the diamond in my engagement ring. "You still wear them," he said in amazement. And then he moved his face close to mine and kissed my lips tenderly. Then his hand was behind my head, pulling me to him, his lips molding around mine. I pushed against his chest, because I knew if I lost control, I would hurt him. I wanted kiss him back, to kiss him passionately, but I knew it was a risk I couldn't take. I pushed harder against his chest when he didn't let go. Finally he stopped, pain and confusion etched on his face. We sat silent for a moment, with me staring at the floor, hoping I hadn't hurt his feelings and wishing I could explain.

Then I looked back up at him and saw him watching me questioningly. He wanted to know my secret; I could see it plain as day. _Oh John, if only you could understand. Once you find out my secret, you may never want to see me again. _I pushed the pain the thought dredged up aside. Reaching out slowly, I tenderly placed my hand against his hot cheek. I saw him half-blink in shock and silently I sucked in my breath, holding it until I was sure he wasn't going to do anything. "I've missed you so much, John. I'm blessed to have been taken care of. The Cullens have made sure I was safe every minute of every day."

He watched me, a strange look crossing his face, something between anger and thankfulness. "Are they the reason you never came for me?" I noticed the slight edge in his voice and I heard someone moving behind the door, opening it quietly as if to come in, though they didn't. John didn't notice anything, of course. I had to calm him down.

I hesitated before answering, wanting to tell him the truth, but I knew how he would take it. "Not in the way you think. They saved my life, John, after the car crash."

I saw the slight softening in John's eyes, followed by the deepest sadness. "They didn't save our baby," he said in a broken whisper.

The news hit me with a brute force, though I'd assumed nothing less. Hadn't I believed for three years that my baby was dead? But still the admission coming from John took my breath away, left me paralyzed. I saw a tear slip down John's cheek, which I caught with my cold finger. Without thinking, I put the finger to my lips and tasted the salty liquid. John didn't seem to notice, staring at something not in this room. "Did you get to hold her, John?"

He looked at me slowly, as if just coming out of a trance. He nodded. "That doctor let me hold her. She was so beautiful, Lisa, our little baby girl."

I touched the necklace around my throat and showed him the locket and heart. "You named her Lily Anne," he said in a beautifully raw voice. I nodded. We sat silent for a while. Every now and then I caught a tear as it threatened to fall off the edge of his chin.

He still seemed tense, so I decided we needed to get out of the sadness we were sinking in to. I had to get him thinking about something else. "Would you like to meet them," I asked him softly.

He didn't respond, but I stood up and took his hand in mine, leading him out the door. Whoever had been outside the room was gone now. I led him down the hall, pointing out every room as we passed it. I pushed open the door to my room and let him step in. I was about to follow him when I noticed the curtains were wide open, the sun shining through with that brightness that comes just before the sunset. I realized in shock that it was almost nighttime, wondering where the time had gone. We'd spent almost a whole day on that bed.

I stopped in the doorway, where I knew I was safe, and watched him look over everything. "This is your room," he asked me. I nodded and watched him eye the couch skeptically. No bed. I wondered what he was thinking as he walked back towards me, eying me again. As we walked down the stairs, he kept a little farther back. He was going to see something soon that would make him run away forever, cursing the monster I'd become. I heard the light footsteps behind us and recognized that it was Edward from the way he was feeling.

Edward, he's getting scared.

We had reached the second floor now and I saw John eye the cross. But I didn't want to explain that yet, so I pulled him along to the next flight of stairs, where I knew everyone else was waiting. I peeked around the corner to check out their facial expressions and make sure there were no bad feelings anywhere. All was clear, because I saw no one, so I led him down the rest of the way. _Where is everyone_, I wondered.

Edward stepped out from behind me and shrugged only slightly, just enough for only me to see. Did he know, but didn't want to say anything? I didn't have time to ask him mentally or reach out and touch him to see what he was thinking. Edward was watching John.

"Hello," he said in a pleasant voice, seeming to hope it would put him at ease. "I'm Edward Cullen."

John was looking Edward up and down, probably trying to figure out what to think of him, of everything. "Nice to meet you." Then he fixed his eyes on Edward's face. "I heard you took good care of my wife." His voice was cold.

Edward nodded, smiling widely. "We've grown to love her. You've got an amazing woman."

John nodded stiffly, out of courtesy. I glanced at Edward. _Is he going to completely loose it?_

Edward waited until John was looking away from us, staring around the big living room, before placing a finger against my skin.

He's close, Lisa. You need to be careful.

I nodded.

Slowly, the other Cullens started appearing. First came Carlisle, whom John recognized.

"This is the doctor from the hospital?" he asked me quietly, not knowing everyone could hear him anyway.

"Yes, he's the one who saved my life." I squeezed John's hand, hoping to reassure him. He seemed to smile a little more warmly at Carlisle than he had at Edward, though Edward still had an anxious gleam to his eye. Esme was next. She made her introductions before she moved back upstairs with Carlisle at her heel. Bella joined Edward and introduced herself, also eyeing John carefully. Emmett and Rosalie were next, but quickly moved on, Emmett taking a seat on the couch to watch TV and Rose off to her room with a magazine. Alice finally came forward, smiling warmly and welcoming John to the house. "You're welcome to stay as long as you feel comfortable." I saw the look Edward threw her, but Alice shrugged it off with a look that insisted he trust her. He barely nodded in response. Was he scared to have John in the house with all of us? No, it wasn't that he was scared we'd hurt him; he was scared that John would go mental with all the differences.

Jasper was at Alice's side then, making a short introduction by simply stating his name. Alice took Bella's hand and pulled her to the back door, probably headed for Edward's cabin, and Jasper joined Emmett on the couch, though I saw he was watching us out of the corner of his eye, his body tense. John handled everything with courtesy, but I felt his body stiffen completely next to mine. Near the end, he barely mumbled out his replies, nodding his head curtly. I had to take him somewhere, and I had to think fast.

I took John by the elbow and led him outside. We walked for a long time, silent. Finally, I took a small dirt path, barely noticeable, which went on for about half a mile. I had searched for this place for hours after Bella had showed me her meadow. I couldn't think of anywhere else to go. We walked further into the woods and I was very careful to keep my pace matching his. He never said a word, his eyes fixed on the back of my head, burning holes into my skull, as I led him to the little clearing I had found. It wasn't anything like the meadow, but instead, just a small break in the trees. The ground was knobby with roots, giving us many places to sit. In the day, the sun shone through the trees in shafts of lights, and the trees gave the air and green tint. There were patches of green grass and even a few flowers and mushroom patches. It was beautiful in the daytime, and hopefully it looked nice in the darkness too. Luckily, I had grabbed a lantern that had been standing by the door and now I placed it in the middle of the little opening once we reached it. The small light illuminated the space well. Still, we didn't speak. I leaned against a tree, trying nervously to look less vampirish and more human. "Do you like it," I finally asked him. But he said nothing, just sat on a gnarly root staring into the darkness beyond. Was this it, the final breaking point, where he would tell me he couldn't be with me anymore, that he didn't love me. I hoped he would get it over with if that was what he was thinking. But he looked at me solemnly, no apparent emotion showing on his face.

"What do you want me to do with this, Lisa?"

"I want you to stay with me, to trust me that you're better off not knowing everything, and to just love me like before."

He shook his head as if trying to shake away my absurd demands. But then he stopped and looked around him.

"This place is beautiful, Lisa," he whispered to me. Then he looked at me. "The Cullens seem like great people, but there's something about them, a vibe I get, that is telling me to run, to get as far away from here as possible."

And maybe I should tell him to do exactly that. What was I hoping for? Could any good possibly come from this? But I wanted to badly to have John stay with me, that I held back on telling him to run, follow his instincts. I was a completely selfish person.

He was still talking. "The way you all look and move and _sound_. And that smell that I can't quite pin down." He sniffed his clothing. "It's in the house, it's everywhere."

"If you're scared of us, then why are you still here?" I asked it carefully, slowly, hoping he wouldn't realize what a grave mistake he was making by staying here.

"Of us," he whispered back unbelievingly, but quickly dropped it. "I'm here because you're here, and because I love you. I know what it feels like to be without you and I don't want to go back to that. Right now, I'm willing to try anything just as long as I can be with you."

"So you'll stay," I asked, my heart filling with joy.

"Yes, because obviously I can't convince you to come with me."

I fell into his arms, crying out joyfully. "Thank you, thank you so much," I whispered over and over again. "This means the world to me!"

And he held on to me as if for dear life, as he rocked me back and forth in his arms. And I finally felt whole, like I was home again.


	15. Chapter 15

15.

That night, John slept in my room, where the bed had been moved. I lay beside him, pretending to be asleep, but instead I was waiting for him to fall asleep so I could talk to Alice. John hadn't left my side the whole night, so now seemed like the only chance to talk to her privately. He had responded when someone had talked to him, but he seemed reserved in his answers, and never started a conversation with anyone but me himself. Was there any way that he would just let go and learn to live with the differences? Somewhere in my heart, I felt sure John would always be this way with the Cullens, never even trying to become friends. I had no idea what to do to make him see that the Cullens weren't going to hurt him, that they were really a lot like humans. Maybe Alice would give me some answers.

I slipped out from under the covers silently when I heard his breathing grow slower, being careful not to shake the bed.

I walked to Alice's room and was lucky to find Alice alone. I knocked on the door and slipped in. "Can I talk to you?"

Alice nodded, smiling up at me. "Yeah, what's going on?"

I shrugged, taking a seat next to her on the floor. She had been sketching, and I picked up her sketchpad, flipping through it with her permission. "You're amazing, Alice!"

She shrugged. "I guess, but thanks."

I put the sketchpad back on the floor and looked up at her, skipping the small talk. "Alice, I need you to promise to tell me something."

She closed her eyes and chuckled. "It defeats the purpose of doing that when I already know what the question is."

"True," I replied slowly, not giving in to the feeling of defeat. "But please tell me honestly, what did you see in your vision at the hotel room?"

"Lisa, please, I think it's best if you didn't know," she replied, but I shook my head.

"I know it has something to do with John and I, and I want to know. Does something bad happen?"

Alice took my hand in hers, rubbing my palm softly. "Lisa, sometimes we have to make choices in our life to protect others."

"Alice, you're not protecting me if I'm not able to look out for the danger."

"I wasn't talking about me, Lisa, I was talking about you." She stopped to see if I understood, which I didn't, so she continued. "One day, you're going to have to make a tough decision." She didn't say anything else until she spoke up softly, "What are you going to do with John? Are you going to keep yourself a secret to him forever? Let him live in confusion around people who don't age, while he becomes slowly older and weaker? Lisa, you have to think of these things!" Her voice was stern but not rebuking. I loved Alice, but I didn't like that she was pulling me through all my thoughts from earlier that I had been trying to forget. "You can't just do nothing now, Lisa. You have to make a choice."

"You're saying I should tell him?"

Alice rubbed my arm. "I don't know, Lisa, but one day you'll have to tell him something. You can't keep him safe forever," she added in a barely audible voice.

"I'm just so scared to have him leave me now that he's here, back with me."

"But is he really with you? Think of it, Lisa, you're nearly scared to death of touching him, let alone kissing him or…" and I knew what she was going to say. I remembered what Edward had told me in the woods that first day, about Bella wanting things he couldn't give her for fear of hurting her. And wasn't that why I was scared to get close to John? Alice was right, of course, but I just didn't want to tell him. I knew I would have to, though, and maybe soon.

"Maybe I should just write him a letter explaining it all," I said, trying to be funny, but Alice didn't laugh. "I just don't know how to do it, Alice," I said meekly.

"Maybe you should let him see the obvious differences, feel your skin and hear your silent heart. Maybe you should take him outside one day and show him how you shine in the sun." Alice looked at me, compassion filling her eyes. "You need to know where he stands before you have to make the fatal decision yourself." I sensed her hinting at something, but my mind was rejecting it. Would John be in an accident of some sort, where I would have to choose between letting him die because he didn't want any part of who I am or giving him the life I had because I am selfish. I shoved the thoughts out of my mind, rebuking the very idea of it.

The battle inside my mind lasted only a few seconds. "So you think I should just tell him, then?" I asked quietly.

Alice simply nodded.

Could I really be so selfish to do anything to not have a broken heart by keeping my one true love from the absolute truth of who I was? So I had to believe, to prove to myself, that I wasn't selfish, because that was a terrible crime, which might end in a terrible crime. I stood up without another word and left the room, heading for the outdoors. I needed to walk, to think, to be able to breath clean air, which might provide me with clear thoughts.

It didn't really help any of my thoughts become more organized, though I did feel more refreshed, almost ready for anything. Almost.

I slipped back into my room as the sun was coming up. I pulled the curtains closed over the two walls of glass, hoping John wouldn't feel the need to open them anytime soon.

A few hours later, John woke up and saw me standing in the corner of the room, watching him. He didn't say anything about it, just patted the bed as he sat up. I came to sit beside him. He asked me what was for breakfast. For a moment I panicked, until I heard Esme approaching my room. I could have smelled the food from a mile away, though it was a lot closer, making me want to gag. But I simply held my breath. There was a soft knock on the door, for John's sake, and I told Esme to enter. She carried a tray filled with a plate of scrambled eggs, sausage, and a pancake, a mug of hot, steaming coffee, and an apple. She set the tray on the edge of the bed, smiling fully at John. "Good morning," she asked sweetly. "Did you two sleep well?" She winked at me, though it wasn't meant in the way John perceived it.

"Yes, we both slept great, thank you," John replied, blushing slightly because a woman he had just met last night was asking him about his sex life. But Esme laughed softly, making him relax, and told him she hoped he enjoyed the breakfast, which had been prepared by Edward. Despite the fact that no one ate real food in this house, Edward was an excellent chef, always learning from books and shows. It was like the cross hanging in the hallway: a simple irony.

When Esme was gone, John asked me if I wanted to eat. I shook my head, trying to hold back the laugh that was bubbling inside me. "I already ate," I lied, though I suppose it was true in some way. I had gone hunting last night while I was out trying to clear my head. The air had helped me a little, but had mostly helped me to push all the issues that needed to be dealt with to the back of my mind.

I watched John eat, being careful not to breathe too deeply. I was sure the food was delicious to him, but it made me want to hurl. I thanked Edward mentally for saving me with the breakfast. I hadn't really thought out everything, especially not considering that a human ate food, which we didn't have in the house.

When he was finished, he asked me if he could take a shower. "I think I might want to get some new clothes, too," he added as he looked down at the sweater and sweatpants Carlisle had offered him. He wrinkled his nose as he caught a whiff of the scent that came along with every vampire.

I nodded. "I'll take you shopping soon in Port Angeles," I promised, praying that it would be overcast and rainy one day soon.

John seemed to be reflecting. "Port Angeles," he muttered. "That was where we were going to meet."

I nodded. "I had been looking forward to that," I said in small voice.

Then John looked down at his hands, anger filling his face. "It was my fault, wasn't it? The accident? I just had to go to that meeting, caring more about my career than the safety of my wife and child." He was off the bed, moving towards the wall. "If I hadn't gone, you would have never had to drive in the rain while nine months pregnant, never gotten in the accident…" He trailed off, at which point he punched the wall in front of him in his anger.

"John!" I gasped. I was beside him a flash, realizing my mistake too late, but he didn't seem to notice my rapid pace. "You did what you though was best. You couldn't have known what was going to happen! And I know you care about me and cared about the baby, don't you ever dare to question yourself about that!"

He turned to me, rubbing his aching knuckles. "I know," he sighed. "I do love you."

He leaned forward carefully and placed his warm, soft lips against mine. I let him kiss me slowly before taking a step back, when I felt it was too much. "I love you, too," I whispered, hoping to not offend him by backing away.

He didn't seem to notice, or if he did, was trying to ignore it. "But you're so different, Lisa. I feel like you're a whole new person."

I bit my lip and replied softly, "Maybe I am."

He watched my face, putting his hand against my cold face. He rubbed my cheek with his thumb. "I feel like I have to learn how to love you all over again, in a completely new way. I feel like I did the first day I met you."

I smiled shyly. "But we already know we love each other, so it isn't exactly the same like the first time."

He didn't say anything. Slowly, his hands slipped away from my face and fell to his side limply. Then he mumbled, "Now, about that shower?"

I nodded, glad the subject was changed. I didn't know why it felt so awkward to talk like this with my husband, but nothing was the same now, so how could I have expected that our conversations would hold the same depth they had before. I held my arm out towards the door. When I walked into the bathroom, I was thankful to see a set of man's shampoo and conditioner waiting on the edge of the tub, plus a new bar of soap and a washcloth. I pulled open the little cabinet door next to the sink and pulled out a towel. There was a can of shaving cream and a brand new razor laying on top of the sink. The Cullens had thought of everything, picking up where I had left off.

John pulled the sweater off and turned the water on, steam rising above the top of the shower curtain. I realized sadly how cold he must be, and that I could do nothing about it. Then he turned to me, his bare chest as perfect as I remembered it. I couldn't help staring, not quite hearing his question.

"What," I asked when I finally managed to pull my eyes from his chest.

"Want to get in with me," he asked softly.

"A shower?" I was shocked for a second. Then I became embarrassed, seeing that he had meant it.

"No, maybe later," I replied slowly.

He just nodded, turning back towards the tub. My heart began to ache for this man in front of me, but I wouldn't break down in front of him. I walked out of the bathroom, closing the door behind me quietly.

I went back into our room and fell down on the bed, letting the soft downy cover swallow me. I closed my eyes and felt the burning of unshed tears behind my lids. A small sob escaped from my opened lips, so I pushed them together tightly. I told myself that I would do whatever it took to keep my calm around everyone else, but especially John.

I pushed myself off of the bed when I heard the water shut off in the little bathroom. I wrapped my arms around myself and forced myself to push aside all the sadness I felt and brave a happy face. I was composed by the time John reappeared in the room, his hair wet and his face cleanly shaven. He was wearing the clothes that Alice and I had found inside the duffel bag from three years ago, which Esme had washed and placed in the bathroom last night. I smiled up at him and saw the glimmer in his eyes as he looked down at me.

Standing up and walking over to him, I inhaled his freshly clean scent. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead. "I've missed you," he murmured into my hair. And I knew he wasn't just talking about the past three years. He still missed me, because I wasn't the same. A part of me was gone, that human part that had loved him recklessly. My heart ached to love him like I wanted to, but it was simply something I couldn't give in to, because the danger of hurting him was too great. And maybe a tiny part of me was scared to love him again because that meant it would hurt all the more when he rejected me.

The week passed uneventfully as I waited for rain to come. The sun shone unrelentingly, keeping me locked inside with John. I could tell he was running out of things to do, too scared to talk to anyone but me, and growing agitated and antsy. He had read nearly every book I recommended to him and watched every show that interested him. I could tell his patience was wearing thin. And then, on the sixth day, as I looked out the window while John slept peacefully on the bed behind me, I was extremely happy when I saw the rain that was pouring down in sheets. I prayed it would stay overcast the whole day.

The sun didn't appear once through the dark rain clouds brooding overhead the whole day, which I was extremely thankful for. It might be hard to explain to John my sparkling skin, plus all the others who might happen to see, and it would be hard to explain why I suddenly felt the need to stay indoors.

The air was chilly, even against my skin, as we walked around the little city. There wasn't really anyone in the stores, most people choosing the movies over shopping. I went with him through every store that held men's clothing, as he picked out clothes I helped him pick out.

The day dragged by slowly. We laughed with each other a lot; it was amazing how much more at ease he was away from everyone else, and it made me sad to realize how much the Cullens scared him. They were like my family now, and I wanted him to become friends with them, grow to love them like I had. But there seemed little chance of that happening, though I still kept my hopes up.

For lunch, we went to a little café, where John hungrily scarfed down a sandwich while I picked at my salad, of course not eating a bite. John either didn't notice or decided to ignore my lack of appetite. The whole time I watched him eat, my mind kept going over what Alice had said to me last night. How was I going to tell him? I was at a loss to any ideas what so ever, because I saw all of them failing miserably in my head.

But luckily, we quickly moved on and John suggested we see a movie. I hoped it would distract me enough so that I wouldn't have to dwell on what might happen.

We spent the whole day in the city, going to little antique shops and jewelry stores. John insisted I buy myself something, seeming to sense the dark mood hanging over me like the storm clouds in the sky. I found a set of beautiful pearl earrings that I loved, along with a matching bracelet, and purchased them, mostly to appease him. John never asked me anything about where the money was coming from to buy everything; we had spent more than five hundred dollars. Alice had insisted I buy him good brands before we'd left, begging me to not torture her with having to watch my husband walk around in knock-off or less-than-top-of-the-line brands. She'd handed me her credit card, telling me there was no limit. I had become well accustomed to the fact that the Cullens spared no expense. They had collected a lot of money over the years, and didn't have much to spend it on, since there was no need for food or things like shampoo. Their wealth shone through in the furniture and decorations around the house, their clothing style, and of course, their cars.

In fact, John didn't ask me much of anything. We talked more about his life after the accident, as if the conversation of what I had done in the past three years was poison. But I let it go, feeling a little bit relieved that he didn't dare to walk on unknown waters.

Suddenly, an idea popped into my head. At first I rejected it, but then I began to wonder if it might help. "John," I asked slowly.

He looked over at me. "Mmmhmm?"

"How about we spend the night in town, at a hotel?"

He smiled slightly, maybe unsure of what I wanted to get from this. Finally he shrugged. "Sure, sounds fun."

It hurt my heart that he didn't trust me fully, that he was scared to be open with me, but I pushed it aside. Maybe tonight I would work up the courage to tell him everything.


	16. Chapter 16

16.

We drove to the nicest hotel there was, after getting a pair of pj's for both of us and some things like soap and a toothbrush and toothpaste. We were lucky enough to get a room, what with all the people in town for the holidays. I had nearly forgotten it was Easter, because we didn't really celebrate it at the house. We walked up to our room with the paper bags containing our things for the night. I told John I was going to take a shower and gathered up my stuff. The light was already on in the bathroom because John had been in there, so I placed my things on the counter, closing the door. I turned on the water in the shower, but sat instead on top of the toilet seat lid. My thoughts were flying around in my head and I struggled to rein them in. I had to get a grip on myself before I even dared to spring the truth on my husband. I sat there for a good thirty minutes. I wet my hair before shutting off the water and stripped, wrapping a white hotel towel around my small frame. I wiped the steam off the mirror and examined my face in the mirror. It was amazing how soft my skin looked, though I knew it was the exact opposite. I parted my hair the way I always did and brushed through the long curls with my fingers. The water sat on top of my hair in beads, so I wrapped another towel around my head. Then I walked slowly into the room, looking around for John. I saw him sitting at a small table in the back corner of the room, a little lamp shinning unto the pages of a book he had bought today. I walked up and touched his back, hoping not to startle him. He looked up at me and smiled. "You look beautiful," he whispered to me. It sounded more like an observation than a compliment, but I smiled anyways.

"Thanks," I answered mechanically. It seemed like John had relaxed a little, probably looking forward to not having to go back to the house until tomorrow. Maybe he would even suggest we stay a whole week. I cringed inside. "How's the book?"

He glanced down at it, closing it swiftly as if embarrassed. He turned it over so I couldn't read the cover, then looked back up at me, a strange expression in his eyes. "It's… interesting."

I wondered what it was. I had seen him looking through it intently at the antique store, while I was over looking through the jewelry. But I decided not to worry about that now. I took his hand in mine and pulled him up from the chair. I kissed his lips softly, and whispered, "I love you."

He replied by kissing me back, mumbling into my mouth. I could taste his sweet breath on my tongue. I kissed him once more and then stepped away. "I think I'll go change now," pointing to the towel I still had around me.

"Why?" he whined softly. "You look great," he added with a wink. He led me to the bed and fell into the covers, pulling me down on top off him. Immediately I knew what he wanted, but I couldn't resist because I wanted it, too. Just a little bit, maybe, I told myself, promising to stop if it went too far. I pressed my lips firmly against his, feeling myself melt in his grasp. He responded by kissing me vigorously, his tongue tracing the inside of my lip softly. He let out a contended sigh and I nearly lost all control of myself as his breathe sent a burning sensation down my throat. But I managed to pull away from him. "I can't," I gasped. "I'll hurt you," I added to myself, thinking he couldn't hear me.

John shook his head, his mind still wrapped in euphoria. For the first time, I wondered what it felt like to kiss a vampire as a human. Was it as intense for him as it was for me? "Why," he whined again, wrapping his arms around my slender waist and trying to pull me down against him. I gave in, but put my head against his chest so he couldn't kiss me. I let his scent fill my head, sending shivers up and down my spine at the intense love I felt for him. "You really think he can hurt me," he whispered in my ear and I felt him flex his muscles. He laughed, and I laughed too; he couldn't imagine how weak he was compared to me. I ran my hand along both of his arms, not responding to his question, feeling the bumps where his muscles were. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I recalled him coming to the gym everyday to impress me, showing off by lifting weights and doing push-ups. It all seemed so silly now, compared to the situation we were in. I kissed his neck softly before rolling over so I was lying beside him. I could telll he was disappointed by the way his shoulders slumped back.

Should I tell him now?

He stood up before I could say anything, walking slowly to the bathroom. "Just gonna brush my teeth real fast," he mumbled to me. He closed the door and immediately I was off the bed, heading silently to the table where he had been sitting before. I looked at the book, lying there innocently. I hesitated slightly before picking it up and flipping it over slowly in my hands. My breath caught in my throat as I read the inscription on the front cover. 'Myths and Legends of Magical Creatures' and under it in smaller script, I read, 'Vampires'. I dropped the book in my surprise, hearing it thud to the floor. Was he really that close to figuring it all out by himself? Or had he just picked up the book out of curiosity. I doubted that, recalling the way he had tried to hide the title of the book from me. I gasped.

"Lisa?" I heard John call through the door, his mouth filled with toothpaste. When I didn't respond, he called my name again, this time more clearly. "Yeah?" I replied shakily, hoping he didn't notice the tremble in my voice.

"You okay in there?"

"Yeah, just bumped into the wall," I replied dumbly.

"Oh," was all he said, before I heard him continue with brushing his teeth. I cursed myself for my clumsiness and picked up the book silently. I opened it up and flipped to the contents list. My mind was spinning so fast I felt almost dizzy. I scanned the content list and saw a chapter entitled 'Characteristics of a Vampire'. I flipped numbly to the page indicated next to the chapter title and nearly dropped the book again when I saw the corner of the page at the beginning of the chapter folded down neatly, to indicate his place in the book. He was so close! Did he realize that this book was about me, about the Cullens? As I scanned through the chapter, reading through the descriptions the book mentioned, I prayed that it was just another silly book filled with crazy stories. "Craving for blood… Fast as lighting… Beautiful, with a voice that lures you in, and a scent that draws you to them… Eyes ranging from bright red to a golden color, depending on their diet." This book knew it all. Everything in it rang true to who I was. I glanced at the author's name, which sounded slightly familiar. Did Carlisle have some of his books in his library? I flipped back to where I was and continued reading. "Slender, great beauty… Skin cold as ice and hard as a rock… Sparkle in the sun… Graceful movements… unsurpassable strength," the list went on, every description dead on. I shut the book quickly, putting it back on the table exactly like I had found it. My mind was spinning and I could barely see as I ran to the bed and grabbed my phone out of my purse. It nearly fell out of my hands in my haste. I yelled to John that I needed to call the Cullens, making up the excuse that I just wanted them to know where we were. I ran out of the room, slowing my pace once outside. I pushed my way through the crowds of people both inside and outside the hotel, and finally found a deserted alley where I could hold my private conversation without fear of being overheard. I dialed Carlisle's number rapidly and pushed the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" I heard Carlisle's voice clearly over the line.

"Carlisle!" My words coming out in a rush. ""Carlisle, John found a book about vampires… it's exactly right… the descriptions are dead on… I think he knows! What should I do?"

Carlisle asked me to slow down and told me take a few deep breaths, which I did. Then he asked me to calmly repeat myself, and I told him about the book. I noted no change in his voice as he asked me where John had found the book, and he listened intently as I told him everything, adding the name of the author and where the store was located.

There was silence and I began to panic. "Carlisle?"

"I'm still here," he muttered, his voice sounding suddenly stressed. "You said the name of the author was B.M. Wellington?"

"Yes," I answered quickly. "Why?"

"I know that name," Carlisle replied, his voice suddenly sounding dead.

"Who is he?" I asked in a stiff whisper, afraid of the answer.

There was silence before Carlisle answered me. "He was around from before I was created. I met him once when I was in Italy with the Volturi." He paused for a moment and I waited for him to continue. "His wife and son, whom he had had with his wife before he became one of us, had become deathly ill and he had tried to save them, but had been unable to stop himself once tasting their blood. He became so angry with himself. He rebelled against his own nature, who he was, torturing himself and turning against every vampire that ever was and ever will be. He wrote many very revealing books, like the one John bought, about our kind and created mass hysteria everywhere. The Volturi had to intervene before more people read the books. The books threatened our very existence. So they called him to Italy and killed him, burning his broken body. Then they burned all the books they could find written by him." He stopped. My breathing had stopped and emotions ran through me that I couldn't explain. Raw fury at what this traitor had done burned inside me. I wanted to scream, but kept quiet. "I guess they didn't find all his books," Carlisle added very quietly, "Thought I'm not surprised that he found it at the store. If any store anywhere would have a book like that, it would be that one." His voice sounded like a mix between anger, frustration, and disbelief. How could this have happened, I asked myself. But there was no time to think, as Carlisle took on an authoritative voice.

"Allisa, you need to burn that book! You can't let him read another thing. If the Volturi find out about this, they will come after him and surely kill him." I gasped loudly. "Lisa, please come home as soon as you can!"

Then I heard a shuffle and Alice's voice filled my ear. She sounded dreadful. "Lisa, I'm so sorry! Please forgive me! I was so stupid for telling you, for thinking it would be okay if you told him anything." I could tell she had been beating herself up ever since I had called and Carlisle had realized what was happening, maybe even before that if she had seen a vision about it. I was sure everyone in the house knew what was going on and I felt a sort of embarrassment and shame go through me.

Alice rambled on, but I stopped her. "Stop it, Alice. It's entirely my fault! I should have never taken my eyes off of him." I was cut off when Carlisle came back on the line, his voice hard and firm. "You two need to stop blaming yourself. It's been done and now we have to just focus on stopping it from getting any worse. Lisa, call me after you've burned and done away with the book. Head home as soon as you can and don't tell him anything!" The last part was a command. I hung up the phone and raced to the room, as fast as all the humans around would permit me to go without creating an even bigger mess. I ran into the room, but stopped dead in tracks when I saw John, his head bent down, reading the book intently. I nearly screamed my head off at him. I ran over and yanked the book from his hands. I noticed how far he had gotten in the chapter as the book fell to the floor. I knew I didn't have to watch myself anymore now, because he had read everything he would need to figure this all out, but I still moved at a maddeningly slow pace. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion as I grabbed the metal trashcan in the bathroom and a packet of hotel matches. I tossed the book into the can, nearly tipping the trash bin over with all the force I had used to throw down the book, lighting a match and tossing it in with the book. John was yelling at me, asking me what I thought I was doing. I turned on him silently, doing everything to keep from glaring at him.

"That book… is full of lies!" I spit out, trying to save the situation, though I wasn't sure if it was any use. I saw the look that was on John's face, the message hidden in his eyes. Everything told me there was no hope anymore, but still I tried to hold on to it, to save it somehow. I packed all our stuff in a hurry, commanding John to put on his clothes. He did so very slowly, which made me nearly go insane. I blew out the fire that had burned the book to ashes and dumped the powder into the tub, washing it away as fast as I could. Finally, when he was done, I dragged him out of the room and down to the lobby. I checked out quickly, though the speed at which the woman behind the desk moved was enough to make me just want to run out of there without even paying. And finally we were outside and in the car, speeding down the road towards Forks. I could feel John's eyes on me, drilling holes into the side of my head, but didn't want to try and figure out how much he knew or what he was thinking. I hit redial and listened impatiently as the line rang. Carlisle's voice came through before the first full ring was over and I told him simply that everything was done and we were on our way.

John asked me nothing, just sat there staring at me, his expression changing every once in a while. I knew he was slowly piecing everything together. Because of one book, my whole world might soon be falling apart, with no way to save it.


	17. Chapter 17

17.

The ride back to the house had been almost unbearable. I kept torturing myself with the 'what ifs' and John kept silent, staring me down. I jumped out of the car the minute it was parked in front of the house, not even bothering to put it in the garage. Carlisle and Emmett were there, helping John get of the car; Emmett held on to his arm firmly. I saw the look of disgust, anger, and realization that crossed John's face and was glad Emmett had such a tight grip on him. I marched into the house behind the others and Alice ran to me as soon as I was inside. She pulled me into a fierce hug. "Lisa," was all she said, and I could hear all the regrets and sadness she felt in that one word, whispered against my neck.

I replied in the same exact tone, letting my emotions shine through. "I know."

I heard Edward ask Carlisle quietly what we were supposed to do with John. "We can't just lock him up in the basement."

I stepped towards the little group when Carlisle spoke to John, who was seated on the edge of the couch, looking like he was deciding when would be the best time to make a run for it. "How far did you get in the book?"

John was staring Carlisle down maliciously. "Not far," he replied in a cold voice. "Though I don't see why you should care." He was trying to provoke Carlisle, to get him to tell the truth. But Carlisle didn't fall for it. He was as calm and collected as he always was, though I saw the anger burning in his eyes. He and John were locked in an intense stare down.

"John," I spoke up quietly, but he didn't break eye contact with Carlisle. "We need to know what you know."

He looked at me, disgust dripping from every word as he spit out, "I think I know enough."

"Watch it!" Emmett nearly yelled at John. "Don't you dare speak to her that way!"

John simply laughed at Emmett. Emmett looked like he wanted to pounce on the man, but Edward held him back. "He's not worth it, Emmett," he mouthed.

I thought I had been prepared for every reaction he might give me, but I had never expected this pure hatred. I blinked in shock. Alice was at my side in a split second, holding me up with a hand to my back. "Stay strong," she whispered to me. "He can't harm you."

But he was killing me with that look, the way his mouth was pressed tightly over his lips in a snarl. My heart didn't beat anymore but it sure could still break, and right now it was falling to pieces.

John's expressions softened, though only slightly, as I felt Jasper work his magic on him. John let out a growl of frustration when he felt it, too, though he didn't know its source.

I shuddered. Never in a million years would I have seen this anger coming. Edward shook his head, as if saying that none of them did.

We all stood around John in a half circle, all watching him, waiting for him to attack us. But I knew he knew better than that now. He knew he was in the midst of the strongest people ever, and even if he wasn't, there were too many around him to take down alone.

Then finally Carlisle's voice, filled with resolve, broke the silence that was making it hard to breathe. "Well, now that you know, I think it's best if you stay here. Either that, or we will have to kill you." There was pain in Carlisle's voice. "If you were to tell anyone, breathe a word of our existence, you would be hunted down and killed in the worst of ways, so unless you prefer a slow and excruciatingly painful death, you'll stay with us or be killed by us."

I was sure that these words hurt Carlisle beyond belief, but I knew he was doing John a favor. I caught a glimpse of Alice's thoughts as she ran through several images, displaying all the ways the Volturi would kill him. If John were to leave, the Volturi would find him and tear him to pieces without batting an eye. I had heard a few stories about the Volturi and knew they were famous for their torturing methods and they way they never let any rules be broken. John didn't understand, though, the danger his life was in. "I think I'll leave alive and take my chances," he said confidently.

"John, please!" I shouted. "You don't know what they'll do to you!"

He glanced at me. "I'll take my chances," he repeated in a stubborn voice as cold as ice. And then he got up and pushed his way through our little fence of bodies. He made his way to the back door and everyone let him go, knowing he had made up his mind. But I couldn't let him do this to himself. I ran after him, shouting his name, demanding him to turn around and talk to me. But he kept on walking into the forest, away from the house, and I followed him helplessly.

When he finally turned around and looked at me, we were in our little clearing. I was amazed he had found it again, in the dark.

"Allisa, what have you gotten yourself into," he whispered darkly.

"I had no choice, John!" I whispered frantically, my voice breaking. I wanted him to understand so badly, but I had no idea how to explain my deep gratitude to the Cullens, how they had saved my life, making me forever in their debt. "John, please," I whispered. My eyes were burning and I wished with all my heart that I could cry, just fall into him and ball my eyes out. But that wasn't going to happen, and even if I could cry, I wasn't sure if I wanted to do it with him around anymore, because it wouldn't change anything.

He never looked away from me. "You did have a choice, Allisa! You could have begged them not to! I would rather have you dead than… this!" I saw the veins pop in his neck as he screamed at me. His words pierced through my heart like a stake.

I held back the biting remark that was on the tip of my tongue. "John, I wasn't really alive when they did it. My heart was barely beating! You think I could have put up a fight if I wanted to?"

"If you wanted to? So you wanted this, then?" he demanded.

"If I would have known about it, yes! Because I thought it would give us a chance to be together again."

"How could you ever expect me to want to share a house with a _monster_?" He spit the word in my face.

I was silent for a moment, pushing aside all my anger and letting the pain swallow me. "I thought I knew you, John," I said quietly, "But I guess I was all wrong."

John didn't seem to notice my change in attitude. "Yes, you were! And how do I know you wouldn't just drink my blood too?"

"We're not like that, John! You're making assumptions based on a book you picked up at a random store, without taking the chance and getting to know _us_!"

"_Us_? I see where you stand now! And what's wrong about my assumptions then? You haven't denied anything."

I ignored his last comment. "We only drink animal blood, John," I answered meekly. "I've never touched a human."

"Oh ok, so you're holy monsters then?"

"John, stop it! You're not listening to me!"

"I don't think there's anything to listen to. You've proven to me that you cannot live with me unless I become like you, and I have no desire for that."

I began to deny what he had said, but stopped. "Fine. But please, John, you have to know that there are people of our kind, who are much stronger and more powerful than you could imagine, and they will come after you and destroy you, John! They'll tear you to pieces and burn you!"

He just shook his head. "You're even scared to say out loud what you really are." There was a mocking sadness to his voice.

Again, I ignored him. "I don't even know you anymore, John. You're not the man I married."

"Then maybe you should have never married me!"

And with that, he had pushed the stake fully into my silent heart. I lost the calm I had managed to gain. "What?" I yelled at him, which was not really what I had been going for, though I suppose it fit my anger. I kept going with it when I saw that I finally had his attention. "So now you tell me! You never loved me, did you, John? Did you marry me because I was pretty and, and _nice_?" I stuttered. "Well, screw you, John!" I pulled on the two rings on my finger, which seemed glued there, and threw them at John's feet. "John, I didn't ask for any of this to happen to me! But you won't even try to understand that!" I wanted to slap the man in front of me, because I didn't really care anymore if I hurt him or not. I wanted to hurt him like he was hurting me, but I held back. Every dream I had dreamed in the last three years crumbled to the ground and I had nothing left to cling to, nothing left to fight for. I felt like an empty shell. Everything was being stripped away from me piece by piece: my family, my husband, my life.

My eyes burned badly, so I shut them tight. I never heard John move to pick up the rings, and when I finally opened my eyes, they were still on the ground where I had thrown them.

"John, I was really hoping that you would still love me, and that our love would be enough to get us through." I opened my eyes, watching his feet. "But I guess I was wrong," I added bitterly. "You never loved me at all."

And then I turned to run away, but John grabbed my arm. "Don't you dare walk away from me!" He pushed the words through his clenched teeth, and for the first time in three years, I was actually terrified of a human. "I did love you once, Lisa, but now you've turned your back on me and joined the killers."

That did me in, broke my final straw. He wasn't trying to understand anything at all, was ignoring everything I was telling him, and insulting me along the way. But I didn't yell at him. I controlled my voice skillfully. "John, don't you dare tell me you ever loved me, because if you ever loved me, you would remember who I used to be and at least listen to me."

"You're not the same person that you were before, Lisa! And I understand everything perfectly!"

_No, you don't!_ I yelled in extreme frustration at him inside my head. "I am exactly the same person I was before, but you can't see past the outside."

When he tried to speak again, I cut him off. "You have no idea what the Cullens have done for me because you won't take the time, John, so don't you tell me you understand everything. They're great people, despite everything that life has thrown at them!"

He began to object, but I cut him off once more. My voice was low and terrifying as I said in a hiss, "Don't provoke me, John. You don't know how dangerous I am. I'm not the same weak little girl I was when you married me, and I'll make you regret you ever thought so. You wanted the truth, John? Well, here it is! I am a monster! Every time I smell you, I want to _kill _you, because you smell… so…darn…good." His face had changed for a second to dread horror, as if realizing for the first time that I could and maybe now _would_ kill him. But the hard look came back not even a second later. "Leave if you want, John, but there will be no one who can protect you from what's coming. You've made it very clear how you feel about the Cullens and how you feel about me! So maybe it would be best if you left."

I turned once again and ran as fast as I could, the angry air biting against my cheeks. He shouted after me, "Tell me what you are, Lisa!"

I turned on my heel, fire burning in my eyes. "I'm a vampire," I shouted back at him. "Are you happy?" I heard a bird take flight as my screams echoed through the trees.

And then I turned around again, running away from the wreckage behind me. When I was about halfway to the house, I sank to my knees as the pain finally reared its ugly head. I had held it back for too long now, and I was at my breaking point. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I angrily threw my fists up in the air. _Why did you do this to me?_

I lay on the ground for what seemed like hours, the trees looming over me like a protective shell. Finally, I collected myself enough to stand up. I walked back slowly to the clearing, not sure if I was expecting him still to be there or not, but he was long gone. I didn't think I cared anymore, though I knew deep inside me that I would regret it one day when something happened to him. I glanced to the ground and noticed that my rings were gone; he had taken them, but why? I didn't want to think about the implications of the missing rings.

And then I resolved to go after him and at least follow him until the danger on his life was gone. I didn't know why I wanted to protect him after everything he had said to me, but something inside me compelled me to find him and protect him. I ran back to the house as quickly as possible, nearly falling over myself in my haste to get through the door. "Edward, Carlisle!" I yelled everyone's name loudly. They all appeared by my side in less than a second.

"What is it, Lisa?" asked Esme tensely. "Has he decided to leave?"

I nodded. There was dead silence. A strange feeling bloomed inside my belly, and before I could think, I mumbled, "We need to follow him."

Alice walked up to me, a puzzled expression on her face. "Everything he said to you, and even worse, what he thought! – and you still want to protect him?"

I looked at her face. She was right, ofcourse, but something inside me that I couldn't explain was pushing me. "He's still my husband," I replied meekly, unable to think of another good answer.


	18. Chapter 18

18.

The plan was formed quickly. Edward, Bella, Jasper, and Alice were coming because of their gifts, which would all come in handy, according to Alice, and of course Carlisle and Esme would be there, along with Emmett, though Rosalie decided to stay back with Renesme. Rose had shown very clearly that she disapproved of everything we had done for John; to say she didn't like him much would be an understatement. "Why should I go," I heard her whisper to Esme, "the man means nothing to me. Maybe we'd all be better off if he was dead!" Esme had scolded her, but Rose hadn't backed down or apologized. I didn't really care, and Edward told me not to worry about it, that Rose was very picky about who she liked and that there were a lot of people who didn't necessarily strike her fancy.

Upon my great insistence, I was coming with them, though they worried that I might become too emotionally compromised and have a breakdown. I casually told them I'd already had my breakdown a few minutes ago, and told them not to worry, that I could control myself. Emmett was the one who pulled through for me, convincing them all by saying that, if something went wrong, he'd hold on to me and not let me go. I appreciated his standing up for me, though I wasn't sure how I felt about his promise to restrain me. But I went along with it, because it got them to let me tag along.

Alice had finally told me about the vision she had had in the hotel room that night, plus one she had just now seen.

"I saw the Volturi coming here to look for your husband. They spared his life because he didn't know anything, but insisted you change him as soon as possible anyways. But that was before John figured it out and decided to leave us."

"What will happen now? Are the Volturi still coming?" I was incredibly worried, though I knew that something like this would happen. If it were possible, I would probably be covered in sweat from all the tension and stress floating around the house.

"Yes, they're going to go after John…" she trailed off, watching my face to see if I understood her.

"And kill him because he knows too much," I finished, understanding perfectly.

A shiver ran down my spine as I saw the details of what she had seen when I touched her arm.

"We need to hurry so we can get to him before they do," she said loudly to everyone.

"How long, Alice?" Bella asked.

"A few hours, though I'm not entirely sure on when exactly. It's so hard to tell because John keeps changing his mind about where he's going to go."

"And the Volturi have their trackers with them?" I had heard stories about these men who could track down anyone, anywhere, with just a whiff of their scent. I shuddered and Esme squeezed my hand encouragingly.

Alice nodded. "Right now, he's still heading west, and I'll know once he changes his direction."

"Where is he headed to?" I managed to ask in a small voice.

Alice turned towards me. "Like, I said, he keeps changing his mind, so I cannot be entirely sure."

I nodded. "Will we make it in time?"

Alice glanced towards Carlisle and then back at me. "I'm not sure, Lisa." I sensed that she was holding back on me, but I decided not to push it.

Carlisle pulled a backpack unto his shoulders, which contained all his medical supplies, and he gave Emmett a bag containing bags of blood from the hospital, which Carlisle had grabbed from work. We wouldn't have time to stop and hunt, and we needed to be as strong as possible if there was a battle coming up.

Everyone but Bella and I had our shoes on, and I quickly pulled on my favorite pair of sneakers, Bella choosing a pair of old canvas shoes.

And then we were off, Alice leading us west, Jasper at her side. We ran in pairs, which always happened naturally, Emmett and I running together because we were the odd ones out. The trees whizzed past us and I listened to everyone's smooth breathing, which kept my mind off of whatever lay ahead of us. At some point, I lost track of where we were. We had passed through the area I knew very well and entered into one I'd never been in before. But everyone else seemed familiar with the ground, while I had to watch to make sure I didn't trip over anything. The trees became closer together, and we moved without a word into a single file line without slowing. I felt the leaves brushing against my skin softly. We slowed only slightly once, as Emmett went around, passing out the bags of blood to everyone. We were getting close; I could feel it in my bones. A strange fear began to eat at me as I realized what was ahead of us. Was this going to be my first battle? I didn't even know what to do. Edward glanced at Jasper and nodded his head towards me. Jasper joined me just as I was draining the last of the blood. I handed both of my pouches back to Emmett, who put them in the backpack with all the other empty ones.

"Are you nervous about the battle, Lisa," he asked me in a soft voice, though I knew the question was rhetorical.

"Will there be one?"

Jasper shrugged. "Alice is not sure. The Volturi don't know how much John knows and John is so unpredictable in his thought patterns that whatever she sees could change entirely the next second."

I nod.

"But it's very possible that there will be a fight." He glanced down at me. "I want to assure you that everything will come naturally to you once you start. Has Alice told you about what some of them do?"

I nodded, but asked him to refresh my memory.

"Jane and Alec are the most dangerous. Jane can inflict any emotion upon you, like excruciating pain or terrible sadness, while Alec numbs our senses so we are unable to fight back. But with Bella's ability, she will be able to form a bubble over us and John, protecting us from both their abilities. Demetri is the tracker, the best there is, that was mentioned before. Aro can read your every though with one touch, which is probably what will happen first once they find John, to determine what he knows."

"Is that everyone?"

He shook his head and continued. "Marcus sees the strength of the bond in a relationship, and may single you out because of the break there is between you and John, and also because you haven't been with us as long, so your bond with us is not as strong." He sensed my fear. "Don't worry, we will all protect you from what is coming, and it may just come down to a battle of wits and the ability to think fast, which Carlisle is very skilled in."

His reassurement lessened my fear slightly, but it kept building slowly as we got closer. I touched his arm lightly, and felt his calm run through me.

"If Marcus is there, Chelsea will be there. They are partners in what they do. While Marcus senses the bond between people, she is able to break that bond. But again, that is nothing to worry about because we have Bella. Cauis and Felix are the only other ones with them, as far as Alice can see."

He paused for a minute, looking ahead as we ran through the thick trees. "The hardest part may come after the Volturi leaves." He glanced at me, reading my emotions. "We'll have to decide what to do with him, whether to leave him or take him with us. Hopefully he will see the danger there is out there and come with us." But Jasper seemed doubtful of that, and I did too. I knew how stubborn my husband could be.

We had run for about two or three hours now, when there was a change in our speed as Alice sped up and we followed. A few seconds later, a piercing scream broke the silence. I heard everyone gasp simultaneously. "Jane," Jasper whispered to me. I could hear the pain and agony in the drawn out cry, breaking my heart more with each second that passed. My ears still rang with it when the silence came back suddenly after a few minutes. I didn't know how far away it was. Finally Alice slowed. I had lost track of time somewhere along the line. My head snapped to the left and I felt my mouth begin to water and my throat began to burn. I could smell the blood and immediately I began panicking. Edward and Jasper both glanced at me with worried looks in their eyes, but I quickly got a hold of myself, pushing the panic down. But the smell of John's blood sent me into a frenzy, which was harder to control. Emmett clasped his huge hand around my arm and Jasper put his hand on my shoulder, calming me as much as he could. I could hear them now, the many voices that sounded like bells, ringing through the forest with a lovely echo. But looks could be deceiving, and so could sounds. Though they sounded like angels, they were, at least for now, the true demons of our kind.


	19. Chapter 19

19.

We had slowed our pace and now we walked out into the clearing. Jasper moved away from me and towards the front to join Alice. Carlisle, Edward, Bella, Jasper, and Alice lead us in, walking nearly shoulder to shoulder. I couldn't see past them. Esme had joined me in the back and Emmett still had his hand locked on my arm. I strained my neck, walking on my tiptoes, but still I saw nothing except for the mass gathering of people ahead of us. I looked over their angelic faces carefully, all of them expressing surprise at seeing us there. I was shocked for a second by the burning red color of their eyes, but reminded myself that my eyes had been that color once. The rising sun shone off their skin, making it reflect like a million tiny diamonds. I recognized two of them from the painting in Carlisle's study, and I could pick out Jane and Alec from the descriptions I had been given by Jasper, Alice, and Bella. But the rest I didn't recognize and therefore could not pin any of them as more dangerous than others.

Aro was watching our little group move forward with an amused smile on his face. Jane's face was scrunched up as if she were mad, but Alec seemed to take Aro's look on things, extremely happy that things were about to get a lot more complicated for us. My head snapped to the ground in front of us as I heard a slow cry of pain. I recognized John's voice as he begged, "Please."

I realized then that Jane's scrunched up face was not a look of anger, but one of concentration. She was doing something to John and he was begging her to stop. "Bella!" I gasped quietly. But she was already pushing her shield out towards him. It floated out like a bubble away from her body, shimmering in the rising sun, until it came to a halt, enveloping John's body inside.

Aro was watching Carlisle, smiling at him like a friend would when seeing someone he hadn't seen in a long time, which I felt that it was odd considering the time and place.

"Carlisle, my friend!" he called out. Slowly the front wall moved away from one another as he strode towards us. I finally saw John and nearly gasped when I saw the gashes on his arms and legs, blood seeping out everywhere. His clothes were torn and dirty, and sweat and dirt covered his face. He lay in the fetal position, gasping for air. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I heard Aro chatting gayly with Carlisle, who replied back quietly in a polite tone. Finally I forced myself to look up. Aro had stopped a few feet away from John's still body, wrapped inside Bella's bubble. I saw Aro's glance toward me as he noticed my head movement out of the corner of his eye. A look of delight spread over his face as he spotted me.

"Well, then!" he called out in a deep voice. "I see you have a new addition!"

Nobody moved.

"Well, aren't you going to introduce me, Carlisle?"

I wondered if I should shake his hand, which I was sure Aro was hoping for. My hand came up and the tips of my fingers lightly touched Edward's back. I heard Aro's silky voice voice ringing inside my head.

Well, what a beautiful girl. What secrets would she have hidden inside that pretty little head of hers?

I shuddered.

_No, _Edward's voice came through my skull loud and clear in answer to my question.

Of course; it was probably better if he didn't know everything that I had hidden in my mind. But I wondered what it would feel like to be able to read his every thought; would I also be able to read the thoughts of all the people he had touched before. I shook my head slightly, clearing it as Carlisle motioned for me to step forward. I did so timidly, letting my hand fall away from Edward and to my side. Emmett followed with his hand still on my arm, though his grip had loosened. Edward glanced at him and shook his head. He must have judged me to be in control, enough for Emmett to let go, because I felt his arm fall away from me.

"This is Allisa," Carlisle said to Aro, though he was watching me out of the corner of my eye in concern. Aro stepped over John, towards me. I clasped my hands together as Aro stuck his hand out towards me for me to shake. Carlisle smiled slightly as he turned his attention back to Aro.

"Well, I see you've taught her well," Aro muttered, disappointed. I was watching his face intently, until John moaned softly. My eyes flew down to his prone body and a shudder ran down my spine as I looked closer at his injuries. I noticed one of his legs lay on the grass in an odd way, and realized that his leg was broken. What had they done to him? I thought they only played mental games.

I swiftly looked back up to Aro, anger burning in my eyes. Aro read my expression with a slight amusement.

"It's amazing how strong a bond love can be," he said to me, grinning. "I would think after all those things he said to you, you wouldn't be so concerned about his well-being. Don't worry though, I'm sure he'll survive."

Everything about this man told me not to trust a word he said. I opened my mouth to accuse him, but his gaze moved to Carlisle. "I'm really truly surprised that you all are here. I wasn't expecting this at all, but I am always happy to see old friends again." He winked at Carlisle, glancing around at all of us with a smile on his face. I wanted to slap the man.

"I see Rosalie is not here. And that child, what was her name again?" He glanced between Bella and Edward with a look of true delight in his eyes. I recalled what Bella had said about the shock when the Volturi had discovered little Renesme.

"Her name is Renesme," Bella whispered coldly.

Aro didn't seem to be put out by her stiff reply. His eyes moved back towards me and he looked me up and down. "She's a beauty, Carlisle, I must confess. Tell me, does she obey your rules?"

"She'll never join you," said Edward harshly, as he read Aro's train of thought.

Carlisle shot a warning glance towards his son and then looked back at Aro. "Yes, she does."

"How interesting! How long has she been with you? Really, Carlisle, you must inform me sooner when you get a new addition to the family!"

Carlisle smiled slightly, humoring Aro. "A little more than three years now."

I became bored with the conversation about me, and my eyes roamed over the clan in front of us. I saw one of them intently watching me. I heard Aro ask why I had been saved.

Edward leaned toward me and placed two fingers lightly against my skin.

_Marcus_, came his reply through my head, answering my silent question. _He is curious about your bond with John. Aro has apparently shared a little bit of what he said to you last night_, he added. I nodded a thanks to him.

I met Marcus' gaze and refused to break it. Finally he looked away from me, and my eyes moved back to Aro. I saw he had moved back towards his clan, apparently done with the small talk. All of a sudden the Cullens tensed around me as I felt Jane's eyes fall on me. She had become frustrated with John, seeing that she could not break through Bella's shield. An odd look of amusement came into her eyes just as Edward breathed out Bella's name in a fearful voice. I felt the pain hit me before Bella could respond and push her field out to cover me. I screamed in horror as the worst pain imaginable ripped through my body. My legs went numb and I crashed to the ground, writhing in pain. Then, as suddenly as it had started, the pain was gone, and I looked up to see a shimmering bubble covering me. I slowly collected myself off the ground, dusting off my jeans. I shot an angry look at Jane. How she could do that to people with a smile on her face was beyond me. And to think that John had felt that same pain! I shuddered at the thought, quickly pushing it out of my mind. When I looked around, I saw Bella's shield was now covering all of us. Across from us, the Volturi had formed a line. And in between these two deadly walls of force lay John, weak and probably incoherent from the blood loss. If there was going to be a battle, it was going to start now.

But Carlisle came to John's rescue, suggesting calmly to Aro that maybe it was best if we moved his still body. "We wouldn't want any of you to trip," Emmett said sarcastically. Aro agreed and Emmett went to pick John up off the field. There was a sharp protest and cry of pain from John as his leg snapped down, his broken bone piercing through his skin. Emmett put him down carefully behind us, where Esme now stood. She sat down next to him and John let out a slow moan. I heard Esme mutter to him softly as her hands flitted over his body, checking for any internal injuries or other broken bones beside his leg, which was obviously shattered. And then there was a soft gasp from her lips as she turned his arms over. "Carlisle!" she whispered urgently. He glanced back at her, while Edward whispered to him what she had found. I was confused as I glanced at John, examining his body carefully, because I was too far away from Edward now to reach out to him and hear his thoughts. I saw nothing but cuts and bruises. Carlisle walked back to Esme and spoke to her. I couldn't hear him, and he was back in line after a few seconds. I saw Esme's resigned look as she bent down over John's body. I didn't want to know what was happening, so I looked forward again, seeing the red spot of blood John had left on the pushed down grass out of the corner of my eye. I noticed the mad look on Jane's face and the one of disappointment on Alec's. They had both been hoping to use their gifts on us. I silently thanked God for Bella.

"Well, it seems like you are all determined to fight dirty," Aro muttered. I could sense his disappointment and smiled inwardly.

"We just want to take the man home," Carlisle said to him.

Aro shook his head, clicking his tongue disapprovingly, though he smiled slightly as if he found this whole situation amusing. "You know he knows too much, my dear Carlisle. We can't just let him go. And I don't think he wants to go back home with you," he shot a glance towards me. I shrank back reflexively from his gaze.

"What do you suggest we do?" Carlisle asked quietly.

"Well, of course we need to kill him," Aro said matter-of-factly. I took a step forward, intending to leap on the man, but Edward held on to me firmly, commanding me to stay through clenched teeth. I heard his thoughts echo his spoken command, sending a shiver down my spine. I growled at Aro, exposing my fangs as I bit the air.

I heard Aro's bubbling laughter through Edward's mind, which only made me angrier. How could the man laugh about this situation?

Aro looked at me with that same amused grin that seemed permanently stuck to his face. "I'm sorry, but he knows too much. I'm sure you'll understand one day. He'd be too much of a pain if you took him back, so I'll make your life a little easier." He winked at me.

I snarled at him again. I noticed Edward's grip on my arm loosen slightly and realized he was wishing he could let me attack Aro. But his grip was still tight enough so that I couldn't break free and silently he was still telling me to stay put, so I simply glared at Aro from where I stood, hoping to transfer my hate loud and clear. He simply laughed, fully amused by my response, telling himself a joke inside his head; wondering why in the world I would hate him when he was just trying to help me. I blocked his voice from my concentration, focusing on those of the family around me. Alice was running through several visions she had had since we had arrived in the clearing, sharing them with Edward, and I could tell her usual enthusiasm was running a little low. Jasper was calm outwardly, but his thoughts were dripping with concern. Emmett was acting like he always did, telling himself he could take everyone alone and thinking of what he'd like to do to each one of the people standing in front of us, staring us down with eyes like rubies. I ignored Esme's thoughts, not wanting to know anything about John that might make me emotionally unstable, and focused on Carlisle as he ran through several options of how to proceed with the situation. I let his voice inside my head soothe me.

And then Aro stopped laughing and looked back at Carlisle. The smile I had thought would never leave his face was gone, a cold firmness shinning through in his eyes. "Come on, just give him to us. He's already dying anyways."

Carlisle shook his head. "There has to be a way around this," he said patiently. I was growing restless, standing still like I was. I begged Edward mentally to let me go to John, and he let go of my arm silently. I ran towards Esme and squatted down, leaning over John's prone body. The scent of his blood sent every cell in my body racing and the familiar burn returned to my throat, but I skillfully ignored them. I took his hand in mine and began rubbing his palm, noticing that his skin was slightly colder than usual. He made no sign that he noticed my grip on his hand. I could see the pain he was in etched into the lines in his face and wished I could make him feel better.

"John?" I whispered his name hopefully, but he didn't seem to hear me. I looked down at his arm. Red spots had formed around ten wounds, all identical. I gasped in horror as I realized what the two puncture marks, side by side, were. Esme glanced at me. He had been in more pain that I'd realized. "He's going to be fine," she whispered. "I got all the venom out."

Relief and gratitude flooded me. "Thank you," I whispered quietly, barely loud enough for her to hear, my voice revealing that I was on the edge of tears.

"What do you suggest we do?" Aro said behind me. His voice was silky smooth again and he reminded me of a hunter luring in his prey with treats before killing it. "Should we let you turn him into a human-loving vampire? I think he would be quite against that." I felt his eyes on the back of my head and a chill ran down my spine as I realized he was talking to me.

I was starting to loose faith that this would turn out the way we had hoped it would. Alice's voice reverberated in my mind as I recalled her worried expressions while showing Edward the images.

There was silence, until a soft, clear voice spoke up. "And what if we let him decide?" I turned around just as Aro moved his gaze to look at Alice, who had spoken.

"Oh?"

Just then John's eyes popped open. He took in a gulp of air as they darted frantically around him. Was he waiting for another attack? But then he saw my eyes on him and his face crumpled into a sea of pain, tears welling in his eyes. "Lisa," he gasped out softly. I told him not to move. He closed his eyes as if to try and shut out the pain. He licked his cracked lips slowly. A thin trail of blood had dried across his lower lip. "Lisa," he said again, his voice no louder than a faint whisper, grating out of his parched throat. "I'm so sorry." The tears escaped his eyes and slipped down his cheek as he took a shaky breath. "I'm so sorry, Lisa."

"Shh," I whispered, wiping away his tears and then softly stroking his forehead, his one hand still in mine. Seeing him lying so vulnerable in that field had broken something inside of me. I loved this man, despite all the things he had said to me. I was just so glad to see him alive. "I forgive you," I replied. "It's alright." I knew the words weren't entirely true, but I had to say them to ease his pain for now.

Alice's voice was soft now as she said, "I think you might find that perhaps he's changed his mind."

I didn't really notice that anyone had walked over to us, but I saw Esme get up to stand with her husband and felt people leaning over me to look at John. His face showed recognition when he saw the Cullen's faces, but fear lit in his eyes when he spotted Aro. I squeezed his hand, willing him to look at my face, which he finally did, and smiled softly at me, though I could still sense the reluctance he felt. Could he tell that I hadn't forgiven him completely, or was he just scared of me in some way?

Alice's mouth opened as if she were about to say something, a look of dread passing through her golden eyes just as I felt Aro leaning over me. And before I my instincts could kick in and I could consider the fact that I was in direct contact with him and that I should move, his hand seemed to causally fall on my shoulder as if he were using me for support. Everyone saw it happen, but there was nothing that could be done to stop it. Edward muttered to himself that he was stupid for not having seen it coming.

A rush of memories flooded into my head from people I'd never met before as Aro casually looked over all my memories. Somewhere, I heard him mumble, "Fantastic!" Somewhere in the back of my mind I realized Aro now knew about my gift. Was he going to bride me into joining his clan like he had with others? I pushed the though aside as I sifted through the dozens of memories, a face with no name attached to each set, flashing before my eyes in a neat and organized manner as if they had all been neatly filed away in a filing cabinet known as Aro's mind. I finally found what I was looking for: John's face flashed up in front of me and I snatched mentally at his 'file'.

It was almost like a movie's scene selection menu. I looked quickly over the memories: John in the hotel room, escaping through the window, meeting me again, finding the book. Then I saw the small clearing where we had stood screaming at each other. I selected the memory and watched the scene unfold in my mind like a film, running exactly like I remembered it. I studied my face and saw the sadness and hurt clearly written in my eyes. I shuddered silently and pushed through the memory quickly until I got to the part where I had left him, standing alone in the green area. Anger consumed him and he clenched his fist, punching the nearest tree as hard as he could. I heard the sickening crack of bones breaking as his hand connected with the hard surface of the huge tree. He cried out in anger and cradled his broken hand with his other one. Tears spilled down his face from the pain in his fist and the anger in his heart as he turned around to leave, heading away from the house, thoughts of determination running through his mind as thick as the blood in his veins. I skipped to the part where John stumbled into the clearing we sat in now. His hand now hung limply by his side and he reached out his other hand to protect him from the fall as he stumbled over his own feet. Exhaustion made him unaware of the group of hooded figures watching him from the other side of the field. John made it about halfway to where Aro stood and fell down on the grassy earth, cradling his hurting hand against his chest, where his heart beat fiercely. He closed his eyes as a wave of exhaustion slid over him like a heavy blanket.

When he opened his eyes again, he wondered if he had fallen asleep; there was a shadow over him and he couldn't see the sun. He turned his head to look at the sky and saw a face peering down at him, smiling at if someone had just told a funny joke.

"Hello," the face said in a voice dripping with amusement. John could just make out the dark features of the man kneeling over him, and then he caught sight of his eyes and gasped: the man's eyes were as red as two maraschino cherries with pupils, peering down at him.

"Hello Jonathon, I'm Aro."

John opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Fear gripped him as Aro smiled widely, showing off two rows of perfectly white teeth. _Are you the one Lisa warned me about_, John though numbly, feeling as if his mind was disconnected from his body.

Aro nodded, though John wasn't sure whether it was in answer to his mental question or something else. "Don't you wish you'd listened to your precious wife?" Aro cooed out.

Another pang of fear caught him in the heart as he wondered if Aro could read minds like Edward.

"Please," John croaked out, tears burning in his eyes. "Please, don't hurt me."

"Oh," chuckled Aro, "I think it's a little too late for that."

John's heart began pounding and he grabbed at the grass in front of him with his good hand, trying to drag himself away from Aro. But the man caught hold of his arm and pulled him to his feet as John cried out in pain, his broken hand snapping down limply.

"Jane!" Aro said in a firm voice, though he was still smiling at John, as if something about this was absolutely funny. If he had had the strength, John might have punched the man with his other hand, even if it meant breaking that one too. But he simply stood on weak legs, Aro's icy hand still gripped tightly around his arm. A girl stepped up behind him, wearing a dark hooded cloak which covered her face. She pushed the hood aside and blonde hair spilled out around her face, which looked childlike, though all the innocence was gone. Her eyes burned red like fire as she stared at John with an expression of anger and mild amusement. She said nothing as she examined him, and then, out of nowhere, a blinding force of fear hit him like a punch to the stomach, wrenching his gut. He fell to the ground and writhed in pain. His insides felt like they were being ripped apart piece by piece, atom by atom, and ground into a pulp. He felt himself vomit and a warm liquid ran down his cheek as he screamed silently. His head felt like his brain was too big for it and wanted to explode.

And then it was gone and fear took the place of the pain, just as intense, until John was balling like a baby, begging them to stop.

Aro whispered something to Jane and the fear went away. Jane stood over him, wearing the same exact expression as before. She opened her mouth and said in a deceptively sweet voice, tinged with anger, "For what you know, you will be punished."

A shiver ran down the length of his spine as he stared up at her. He could taste the acidic flavor from the vomit as he swallowed painfully. "Please," is all he could manage.

Aro turned around and faced John again, pulling him up once more. This time, John didn't even feel the pain in his hand, the memory of the pain before still too fresh in his mind.

"Jonathon," Aro spoke his name through clenched teeth, smiling at him. He reminded John of a snake with the way he said it. "Jonathon, what you know about our kind is too much. That book you found, it should have been destroyed along with the others and it's writer."

Jane spoke up and in sharp voice, "Do you know what we do to humans who know too much?"

John began to say 'No' when an iron fist grabbed his midsection, crushing it with an intense feeling of dread and pain.

"Jane!" Aro called out rebukingly, as if he had just seen her with a hand in the cookie jar. The fist let go of his insides and he noticed that Jane _looked_ like a girl with her hand in the cookie jar, smiling slightly like she had a secret.

"No," John gasped out. "Please, don't." He knew what they planned to do with him now. "Please, just kill me fast." He didn't want any of this added torture, he just wanted to die if that was to be his fate.

Aro chuckled. "My dear boy. Just like a chicken is no good unless you prepare it before hand, neither is a human any good without a little bit of fear and pain inside him first."

John swallowed compulsively as he stared at Aro's smiling face. _Psychopathic, crazy, they're all… what did I ever do to get myself in this situation?_

Aro spoke a word in a language John did not recognize and a group other hooded figures were surrounding him in an instant. Before John could even think to react, a dozen cold bodies pushed on top of him and hard sharp teeth sank into his skin. Darkness pulled him under and he lost consciousness.

I was snapped out of my thoughts as Aro's hand left my skin. I rocked back on my heels and sucked in an unnecessary breath of air in astonishment at what had just happened. Everything I had seen had occurred all in the span of about a minute. Everyone was silent as we waited for something to happen, someone to say something. John's eyes never left my face, nor mine his. I could see unspoken questions in his eyes as he tried to process what had just occurred.

Finally Carlisle spoke up.

"John," he said in a soft, almost pleading voice.

John reluctantly broke eye contact with me to glance at Carlisle as he spoke. "John, we need to know if you still feel opposed to living with us. We can protect you, but if you don't feel comfortable with it…" he trailed off and I watched John's face, reading his emotions carefully.

John opened his mouth slowly to speak, but all that came out was a hoarse croak.

"He needs some water," I said to no one in particular. But, being surrounded by vampires had its' downfalls when a human needed water. I looked up to Edward. "Will you speak for him?"

John's face was filled with confusion as he glanced between Edward and I.

"He can read your thoughts," I whispered gently to John, hoping not to scare him. But he seemed beyond the point of being astounded by anything when it came to the Cullens and I, and he accepted it with a slight shrug of his shoulders.

Edward walked towards me and knelt down besides John and I, taking my free hand in his. He repeated the question again for John's sake.

_You'll take me away from here? _John asked Edward mentally, to which Edward nodded his head in reply. I though about how convenient Edward's gift was.

_I want to be with my wife._ John's thoughts were barely audible, revealing how truly exhausted he was. Edward spoke as if he were John, repeating what I had heard him say in my head. John looked at me.

Lisa, I was wrong about you; and you were right, of course. I should have realized you were still the same person inside. But I was angry and confused.

Edward kept silent, knowing I was the only person who should hear that confession.

"Sorry," John whispered roughly as I put my hand against his cheek, stroking it lovingly. _I wish I could speak so I could tell her everything I feel_, he thought, unaware I knew everything.

"I forgive you, John," I whispered in his ear, and this time I meant it. "I love you." He smiled at me, relief flooding his face, his love for me echoing inside my mind.

I love you, too, so much, Lisa. My baby, I wish I could tell you. Everything I said to you to hurt you, I wish I could take it all back.

I stroked John's cheek, slightly rough under my fingers where the stubble grew. "Shh," is all I said. "It's alright."

Then John's eyes moved to look above me at Aro's face. "I want to be with my wife," he croaked out. My eyes began to burn with an unshed tear as I heard the sorrow and pain in his voice and in his thoughts.

But Aro didn't seem to hear it, because he chuckled. I nearly flew off the ground to slap the man, but I stayed put, cursing him inside my mind. Edward glanced at me as he heard my thoughts and smiled slightly.

"It may seem easy now to say that," Aro said in a purring voice, "but what will it be like in a week or even a month, when your wife is afraid to touch you because she may hurt you, and everyone in that house wants to kill you." Aro was practically begging us to let him have his way and kill my husband.

"We do not want to kill him," I said fiercely through clenched teeth. I flashed my angry eyes towards him.

Carlisle spoke up softly, "He's right, though, Lisa," and the pain that had subsided slightly reawakened, because I knew Carlisle was right. "We don't want to kill you, but it will be hard." And I knew exactly how hard it would be as I saw what would happen through Alice's eyes. But I couldn't give up that easily, I couldn't just let my husband die because it would be _hard_ for me.

John shook his head, his face showing his stubbornness; he was sure of what he wanted and no one would change his mind. "Whatever it takes," he grumbled out hoarsely, "I will get over it." He took a deep breath of air as the pain flared up for a second. "I want to be with my wife," he said again, ending the conversation with those 7 words.

Aro began to speak again, but Carlisle cut him off. "He's made up his mind, Aro. Now let us go so we can get him into a bed and treat his wounds," I heard a hint of anger in his last sentence.

Aro clamped his mouth shut and took a step back, seeming unsure of how to proceed. In a vain effort to see if he could still get his way, he asked, "What about the book?"

"Lisa took care of it. It's burned to ashes."

"But there were still laws broken, Carlisle!" Aro said in a angry voice, his real personality finally shinning through.

"I understand, and you may deal with the shop owner however you wish," Carlisle replied, though I noted a hint of sadness, as if he was hoping the Volturi would leave the man alone. I understood how it broke Carlisle's heart that there were books like these out there, written by someone of our kind, but in all his compassion he still could not justify a killing. "But please, let us go. There is nothing more to be done here."

Aro saw the truth in what Carlisle said and that he had no other choice, so he backed up and let us go. I watched them all retreat slowly, their longs robes smoothing down the grass behind them, throwing glances over their shoulders. Jane's bright red eyes burned into my skull. "I'll get you next time, human-lover," she hissed at me. And then they were gone.


	20. Chapter 20

20.

Carlisle had brought a makeshift stretcher for John to lie on, while Emmett and Edward carried him through the woods at a rapid pace. Carlisle had bandaged up John's wounds as best he could, including setting his leg into a temporary splint, which had made John scream bloody murder as he nearly broke his hand squeezing mine. He would need to be given a lot of stitches when we got home.

Right now, John rested peacefully, morphine flowing through his body. I held on to his hand as we ran towards home. We had to change our pace to a slower one because of John, so it took us a little longer to get home, but we made it home before the sun had set.

I helped Esme strip the sheets off the hospital bed they kept in one room; the one I had lain on for three days during my transformation; and put on new sheets. Emmett lifted John carefully to the bed, Edward supporting his leg, and they put him down softly. Then they disappeared as I watched Carlisle slowly undo the bandages. Esme and I sanitized his needle and thread. While he worked on the stitches, he told Esme to hook John up to an IV drip of morphine for his leg. Last he sanitized the teeth marks, checking to make sure no venom was left, and bandaged them tightly, along with all the wounds he had just stitched. I sat at the end of the bed, watching John, as Carlisle rebandaged his leg, putting anti-bacterial cream on the hole where his bone had pierced through the skin.

And then there was nothing left to do but wait. Carlisle came in every hour to check on John and make sure there was still enough morphine in the IV, and then left without saying a word. Esme came in once in a while, too, to make sure I was all right. I reassured her I was and told her I just wanted to be alone.

I sat there for hours. I saw the sun rise through the small window in the back of the room, my skin responding by transforming into glitter. Finally, around 2 in the afternoon, there was a slight movement as John tried to reposition himself. I put a cold hand softly on his arm. "Don't move," I told him.

His eyes fluttered open slowly, and he looked around the room, dazed. He saw me and opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I handed him a glass of water, using the remote to put up the back of the hospital bed so he could sit up comfortably, and helped him sip the water. He drained the glass and then looked back up at me. "Where am I," he asked, his voice slurred from all the drugs in his system.

"At the Cullen's house. Do you remember what happened?"

He slowly nodded his head. "You saved me," he whispered gratefully.

I took his hand in mine and patted it lovingly. "Don't worry about it," I said with a smile. "We were glad to do it."

I leaned over and kissed his forehead softly, marveling at how soft and warm his skin was.

"Lisa," he mumbled, trying to get my attention and asking me to be serious. I looked at him, concern in my eyes.

"What's wrong, John?"

A tear slipped down his cheek unchecked as he said, "I'm so sorry for everything I said to you. I shouldn't have… it wasn't right for me to lash out at you like that. And I'm sorry for not listening to you." His voice failed him as a great sadness came over him.

I lay down next to him on the bed and he put his head against my chest, sobbing. "Shh," I whispered over and over while rubbing his hair. "It's alright, I forgive you."

"But why," he wailed pitifully. "I don't deserve that."

"Because you're my husband and I love you."

He shook his head as if trying to deny it. "I don't deserve your love."

I hugged him close to me, being careful not to hurt him or upset his wounds. He moaned softly into my chest. "I'm so sorry."

We lay there for a long time, though he'd stopped sobbing somewhere along the line. Time seemed to stand still as a I marveled at the feel of his burning flesh against my cold stone body.

Finally he looked up at my face, his eyes puffy and red from the crying. "What can I do to repay all of you?"

"We're not asking for that. We did it because we care about you, John."

He shook his head, "No, I want to repay you somehow."

I sighed and replied softly, "Just love me. That's payment enough."

"You don't want me to be like you?"

I had thought about this long and hard while watching him these last hours and I knew what the right answer was. "No. I want you to want it, not the other way around."

He buried his head in my chest again and his muffled voice said, "Thank you. I don't deserve someone like you."

I shook my head, but said nothing. _You deserve so much better than me. I am still a monster like you said, just a nice one._

"I love you, Lisa," he whispered. And when he looked up at me, I saw the truth of that statement written all over his face. "I love you so much."

And I kissed him softly on the lips, feeling him melt into my arms. I fingered the two rings that were once again on my finger. I remembered the promise we had given to each other, to love one another til' death make us part. That promise had been changed slightly, but it still held true. I would love him until he decided he didn't want me anymore, and even after. I would always love him.

One day I would ask him for 'forever', but for right now, this was enough.

_Author's Note: Characters, references, quotes, and other things taken from the 'Twilight' series are copyrighted by Stephenie Meyer._

_Please review and tell me if you want to read more!_


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